Photo Credit: The Great Kaysby
Most people have heard of the concept called the “Circle of Control.” Within this concept there is a circle in the middle of a blank space. Inside the circle is written things that you can personally control, and outside of the circle is written the things that you cannot control that cause you stress. For example, you can control if you go out and check the mail so that would be on the inside of the circle. However, you cannot control what shows up in your mailbox on a given day so that would be on the outside of the circle. These examples are trivial in comparison to most of life’s stressors, but you get the concept.
The concept of the “Circle of Control” is something I try to remind myself of a lot. At times I can have a tendency to get overly emotional about things that are completely out of my control. (Keep in mind I’m not talking about tragic kinds of things.) When this happens, I try to remind myself of the circle, but I have found that there are a couple of flaws with it. The biggest is that I am part of a generation where we were very much as a whole taught to never show emotion or ask for help because these are perceived as signs of weakness. Which I now realize might be the kind of thought process that made me prefer to get bad grades as opposed to ask for help in Calculus. Anyway, getting away from this line of thought to a more healthy one isn’t easy, but it has become a goal for me as I want to be a good example for LilKsby.
So I got to thinking…what if instead of a “Circle of Control” there is a “Spectrum of Sparkle”? Why a spectrum? Because I have realized that there are a lot of things in my life that have aspects I can control while also having aspects that rely on others. With the circle concept, the two are completely separate. However, I’ve come to believe that the biggest success to emotional control lies on a spectrum where you find balance between knowing what you can control and learning to cope with what you can’t as opposed to being told to just let it go. On the “Spectrum of Sparkle” you could start by listing various aspects of your life such as faith, family, friends, you, and avenues of income. Then you could list under that the things that you have complete control over such as silent mediation time, your family chores, your daily habits, etc. Beneath those you could list the things that are partially in your control but also not. These would be things like you can control what days you go to the grocery pickup, but you can’t control how long it will take to get your order. Just knowing what these things are can help you know how to cope with them which can lead to better emotional management. Finally, list the things that are totally out of your control. These can be things that are obviously out of your control like “I can’t control the weather,” or they can be things that are personal like, “I can’t let how someone reacts to my decision ruin how excited I am about it.” One of the hardest lessons to learn for people like me who are super easily excitable is that not everyone is going to be excited as you are and as happy about something as you are. You also have to learn that you cannot control other people. You have to let people live their lives how they want even when you (a) think you know better for them or (b) disagree with their decisions. You can 100% love someone and not agree with everything they do. That’s called being a Golden Rule person.
Now that I’ve answered “why a spectrum?” I feel the need to answer “why of sparkle?” Well for one I like sparkly things. Two, the things that we get the most passionate and upset about are usually the things that make us sparkle and shine inside and out. It’s also important to know that those things can take an emotional toll on us, and we should recognize that even things that make us sparkle have parts that our out of our control. Until the next time!
XOXO,
The Great Kaysby
The Great Kaysby 