Tag: amtgard

We Wear the Mask

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I just finished an amazing book by Elle McNicoll called “Wish You Were Her.” The two main characters in the book – Jonah and Allegra – are autistic. One of the recurring themes in the book is how they feel they have to wear figurative masks around other people. Thinking about that theme got me thinking about the poem “We Wear the Mask” by Paul Laurence Dunbar. Both pieces are brilliant with similar themes though the aforementioned masks referred to different situations. Then I started thinking about how many of us at one point or another in our lives have worn figurative masks.

Figurative masks are like a security blanket. They keep us feeling protected when we are actually feeling intense vulnerability yet do not want the world to see it. Perhaps a mask is worn during a time of intense emotions like the loss of a loved one, a relationship ending, or losing a job. Maybe a mask is worn during times of disappointment like not getting a role you auditioned for or not getting a job you interviewed for, or maybe a mask is worn when you are anxious about a situation and trying to blend in with all the other people around you who seem to not have anxiety. I’m learning as I get older that more and more of us have anxiety…I assure you that you are not alone.

Sometimes you might even wear masks when trying to make friends. With this mask you might pretend to like things you could care less about or do things that you normally would not do. I spent a good chunk from nineteen to thirty-three involved with a Live Action Role-Playing Game where everyone had a “persona.” At times, it was difficult to know the real person from the persona. I would care to wager that some of them even lost themselves in the persona for a hot minute. Talk about wearing masks! It’s understandable why you might wear a mask when socializing, but trust me, if you take off the mask, you may be surprised by how many people will love you for who you truly are. In fact, they may even like the real you better. Having friends is a basic human need just as much as shelter, food, and water, and I assure you that true friends will allow you to remove the mask. These days social media even provides us all with a mask as we only post the parts that we want the world to see. Many find it difficult to be truly transparent on social media for a plethora of reasons. Me? My social media mask is because I do not like to start arguments, and I like to keep certain things private. I think these social media masks are why so many people have a hard time with what is real and what is not any more. The final mask that I think of is that of “the social butterfly.” I have often been mislabeled as a social butterfly as I am really good at talking to a variety of people across various settings. People assume that I am an extrovert, but the reality is that I am only extroverted in certain settings. I can also be very introverted and more of an observer in situations. I promise, I’m not mad or trying to be rude during these times. I would almost wager that for most “social butterflies” it is more of a mask than who they truly are. Ha ha once again I could circle back to thinking about the LARP days. A lot of life lessons came from that time period…maybe I should write a book about what I learned from LARPing. On the other hand…maybe not.

Perhaps you are wearing a mask right now. If you are, I am giving you permission to remove it. I am giving you permission to be yourself. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Can’t Repeat the Past, But…

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F Scott Fitzgerald famously had his character Jay Gatsby say, “Can’t repeat the past? Why of course you can. Of course you can!” As anyone who has read The Great Gatsby knows, you can’t repeat the past, and if you live permanently trying to recreate the past, then it is never going to work out as planned. That said, you can’t repeat the past, but you can revisit things you used to enjoy immensely!

Many moons ago, I was involved in a little game called Amtgard. The easiest way to describe it to those not involved is Medieval Reenactment. I met my husband and a lot of my adulthood friends through this game (though some of us were teenagers when we met), and though I still chat with some of the friends, I don’t see them every week like I once did. There was a point in our lives when we were involved with this game multiple times a week, then it dwindled down to a handful of times a year, and eventually we stopped participating approximately seven years ago.

Enter this weekend.

A couple of our friends – one of the most wonderful couples you will ever encounter – were getting knighted which is the pinnacle of achievement in the game of Amtgard. These are friends that we have kept in contact with over the years and occasionally see, so when they told us they were going to be getting knighted, we wanted to be there for it. Leading up to the weekend, we were excited, but we had no idea what to expect. We had no idea if we would see people we know, if we would feel out of place, or if the game would be so different that we wouldn’t recognize because as we know, “You can’t repeat the past.”

Turns out you can’t repeat the past, but you can still revisit the things you have to do and discover that it is an enjoyable experience! Much to our surprise, as soon as we walked over to the event area, we saw people that we knew from seven plus years ago, and we were welcomed with hugs and “How are you? It’s been too long!” It felt heartwarming to be made to feel wanted and missed. As we caught up with friends, walked around the site, and chowed down on some delicious food truck selections, we fit right in with everything else happening. Imagine being just another piece of a puzzle that clicks right in with the whole and adds to the picture. It felt familiar, relaxing, and most importantly fun! Side note, I think a lot of adults need to remember how to have fun!!!

So was the game different? Yes, it was. However, from what we observed in our short time there, it seemed as though the changes were for the good. Like why was I never given a Reeve Stick when I was Reeving all the time? The answer is probably because I would have smacked someone with it if they got too close to me! Also, I remember we used to always not enjoy Court, but this time it was so much fun and so much thought went into the creation of the awards. Seeing the progress was great!

That said, I want to write all this down because I think it is important for me to remember this feeling. While you can’t repeat the past, you can still find joy in the things your previously loved, and you can consider doing them more frequently than every seven years!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby