I just finished an amazing book by Elle McNicoll called “Wish You Were Her.” The two main characters in the book – Jonah and Allegra – are autistic. One of the recurring themes in the book is how they feel they have to wear figurative masks around other people. Thinking about that theme got me thinking about the poem “We Wear the Mask” by Paul Laurence Dunbar. Both pieces are brilliant with similar themes though the aforementioned masks referred to different situations. Then I started thinking about how many of us at one point or another in our lives have worn figurative masks.
Figurative masks are like a security blanket. They keep us feeling protected when we are actually feeling intense vulnerability yet do not want the world to see it. Perhaps a mask is worn during a time of intense emotions like the loss of a loved one, a relationship ending, or losing a job. Maybe a mask is worn during times of disappointment like not getting a role you auditioned for or not getting a job you interviewed for, or maybe a mask is worn when you are anxious about a situation and trying to blend in with all the other people around you who seem to not have anxiety. I’m learning as I get older that more and more of us have anxiety…I assure you that you are not alone.
Sometimes you might even wear masks when trying to make friends. With this mask you might pretend to like things you could care less about or do things that you normally would not do. I spent a good chunk from nineteen to thirty-three involved with a Live Action Role-Playing Game where everyone had a “persona.” At times, it was difficult to know the real person from the persona. I would care to wager that some of them even lost themselves in the persona for a hot minute. Talk about wearing masks! It’s understandable why you might wear a mask when socializing, but trust me, if you take off the mask, you may be surprised by how many people will love you for who you truly are. In fact, they may even like the real you better. Having friends is a basic human need just as much as shelter, food, and water, and I assure you that true friends will allow you to remove the mask. These days social media even provides us all with a mask as we only post the parts that we want the world to see. Many find it difficult to be truly transparent on social media for a plethora of reasons. Me? My social media mask is because I do not like to start arguments, and I like to keep certain things private. I think these social media masks are why so many people have a hard time with what is real and what is not any more. The final mask that I think of is that of “the social butterfly.” I have often been mislabeled as a social butterfly as I am really good at talking to a variety of people across various settings. People assume that I am an extrovert, but the reality is that I am only extroverted in certain settings. I can also be very introverted and more of an observer in situations. I promise, I’m not mad or trying to be rude during these times. I would almost wager that for most “social butterflies” it is more of a mask than who they truly are. Ha ha once again I could circle back to thinking about the LARP days. A lot of life lessons came from that time period…maybe I should write a book about what I learned from LARPing. On the other hand…maybe not.
Perhaps you are wearing a mask right now. If you are, I am giving you permission to remove it. I am giving you permission to be yourself. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
XOXO,
The Great Kaysby
The Great Kaysby 