It’s been a minute since I took time to write a blog. There are several times in the last few weeks that I have considered writing. Many times when I considered writing, it was fueled by desire to express my feelings about something happening in the world, an ignorant comment seen on social media, or a passive aggressive and semi condescending tone of something said or posted. In those moments when I wanted to write, I was fiery, and I decided against writing no matter how good the blog sounded in my head. Why? Because if I had made those posts, then I would have been doing a thing that I dislike: falling for a trap.
Oftentimes I believe that people say certain things, make posts, etc in an attempt to get people fired up and arguing. Somewhere along the way, what were once topics of friendly debate have now become bait for starting arguments that have set friends and family against one another. There are times when I think the person doesn’t even believe what they are posting, yet they still post it just attempting to start a fight. It’s almost as though they get some sort of dopamine rush from making people upset. I get why people find themselves wanting to argue against ignorance, but when you fall into the trap of ignorance often you’re just hurting yourself as your point won’t be received.
Avoiding the trap can be hard, and I will say that there is a time for voicing one’s opinion. If you’re opinion defends someone who doesn’t have a voice, then by all means shout it from the proverbial rooftops. When feeling the need to say voice your opinion, here are somethings I would recommend considering:
- Are your words coming from a place of emotion or reason? Remember that you can catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar! If you’re from the south, this is where the phrase “Bless your heart” can come into play!
- Are your words really something you believe, or are you just retaliating? How often does your brain tell you something that you don’t believe whatsoever? In the heat of the moment, it can be so easy to spout off at the mouth, but here’s a secret. Once you say something, it cannot be undone. This is something I find myself working to correct as my mouth can be faster than my brain. Guess what? Even if forgiveness is granted, that doesn’t mean people forget what you said.
- Are your words something that you would want your kids to believe? Trust me from experience. Even if you don’t think your child is listening, they are picking up on the words you throw down. Eventually if they hear it enough, then they will start believing it.
- Is starting a discussion with the person worth your time or the energy it will drain from you? Time and energy are limited resources. Do you really want to waste yours on something that doesn’t really matter, or do you want to look back at your day and fill accomplished and fulfilled?
- Is making a comment really going to be beneficial to you and the other person, or could saying it damage your relationship? Relationships with people are fragile, and they way we say things can intentionally or unintentionally hurt them. I remember my grandmother once saying that I needed bangs because my forehead is big. I’m sure she didn’t really mean anything by it, but I still find myself thinking sometimes that my forehead is too big even though I’m pretty sure it is normal size.
Since it’s been a minute for me, I hope that it has also been a minute for you as it means you’re excelling at only responding when it matters and not getting trapped in an argument!
XOXO,
The Great Kaysby
The Great Kaysby 