Mom Life – Page 2 – The Great Kaysby

Words of Wisdom From a “Cool Aunt”

At this point in my life, I have had nearly twenty years of experience as an aunt either from being a chosen aunt to my friend’s kids or to those I am actually related because of Mr. Kisby. I’ve always fancied myself a “Cool Aunt” with my fake nose ring (one day it will be real), tendency to draw on myself, hobbies that many consider to be “teenage things,” love of a variety of music from multiple decades including today, and willingness to take the kids to do cool stuff. As someone who had a “Cool Aunt,” I always wanted to be one, so I’ve tried to do my best! However, now that some of my nieces and nephews are becoming young adults, I also want to be the aunt that shares some life advice that isn’t typically learned as part of a diploma pathway in high school or as part of a degree program in college. So here goes…

It is okay to not know what you want to do at 18, 21, 29, 39, or older. Yes, there are some people who know what they want to do from the time they are small, and their dream never changes. However, some of us are still learning even in are 40s. At one time, I wanted to be an actress. I even spent two years of college pursuing that dream before realizing that starving artist really doesn’t sound like a fun career choice to me. Then I wanted to be a business something that required not one but two business degrees. Then I ended up getting a Masters in Teaching. A long the way I also thought it would be cool to be a bar tender, writer, yoga instructor, barista, blogger, and life coach. Of those I only ever pursued writing and blogging, but sometimes I think others would be cool. I kind of just want to have a bar tending licence much like I’ve always wanted a motorcycle license even though I don’t actually want to drive a motorcycle. Guess what I currently do that I never would have dreamed about it my teens or 20s? I want to – and thank the good Lord I get to – be a homeschooling mama who works a few flexible contractor jobs for a little extra moo-lah. The point? It’s 100% okay if what your dream is changes!

There is never a perfect time for anything. If you spend your life waiting for the time to be right, then you are going to either (a) miss out on a lot of cool things while you’re waiting for perfection or (b) never do what you wanted to do. I first heard this lesson from a former co-worker who said “If you wait for the perfect time to have kids, then you’ll never have kids.” I think this sentiment is applicable to a lot of things, and I loved it because we spend so much time hearing “wait for the right time” or “it’s not the right time.” In practice this means try not to say things like “I’ll do X, Y, Z when I finish school” or “I’ll do X, Y, Z when I have a house.” Instead consider if you really want to do the thing in question, or if you know you want the thing, start planning how you can make it happen. Obviously, there are some things that have to wait for some timing. For example, “When I have been at a job for one year and saved money, I will buy a car” and “When I have $5,000, I will be able to rent an apartment, turn on utilities, and buy the basic necessities for a first apartment.” These are logical because one helps get the other. Just keep in mind there is a difference in things taking time and planning and waiting for the perfect moment.

It’s okay if your first big love isn’t your forever romance, and it’s okay if your first big love is your forever romance. Some people are lucky enough to meet the one they are meant to be with at a young age and have it all work out. Some of us don’t meet and date the one we are meant to be with until the second, third, or more relationship. It is okay to be one of these people too. The important part is finding a partner who you have common interests with that you will love just as much in your 70s as you did in your 20s or 30s. I’ve now loved Mr Kisby through three different age decades, and I can tell you with him I hit the jackpot! It took a broken road to get there, but as Rascal Flatts once said, “God blessed the broken road, that led me straight to you.” Along with common interests, it helps abundantly to find someone with similar religious/spiritual beliefs, a similar moral compass, and life goals. It also helps if your partner is someone you like along with loving them. Also, if your grandma doesn’t like your partner, take it has a hint and dump them. Grandmas are smart.

Have fun in life! Yes, being an “adult” is stressful, hard work, and involves a lot of boring things like paying bills, cleaning house, and having to make smart decisions liking eating at home versus going to fast food every night (which could lead to stomach issues so make sure your “adult” job as health insurance). However, you still have to find time to play. If you quit doing things that you find fun, then you’re missing out on a lot of good times. I’m an “adult” with several years of experience, but I still play video games, do stuff outside, chase my kid around, read books, color, paint, go on dates with my hubby, watch TV, sew, and hangout with friends occassionally. Doing those fun things are what keep you sane. Some of my best advice is to do one fun thing a day even if it’s just for five minutes. If you’ve got a lot of shit going on, set a timer on your phone for five minutes and until it goes off do something just for fun even if it’s just jamming out at max volume. Your mental and emotional health will thank you for having fun!

Last but not least, who you are as a person is 100% unique to you. As a kid you are often told what is right and wrong, what you should believe, etc. I can tell you from experience that it is okay if those things change for you as you grow. There are things that I thought were black and white issues. Now I can tell you that a lot of times there are gray areas, but that is because I have made a point of educating myself or have personally experienced the gray areas. You should do the same. Likewise, it is okay to recognize that something that was once commonplace is now offensive and to opt to change your perspective. I can also tell you for me personally, my faith in the Holy Trinity is a lot stronger now because of an almost decade long span where I didn’t attend church, pray, or really think about Jesus. But in the end, I found my way back, and having all those life experiences has made my faith stronger. It’s okay if the same has to happen with you. Likewise, it is okay to have been brought up with no spiritual/religious background and want to learn more about your options. It’s also okay to be steadfast in what you believe and never stray. No matter your story, you will end up where you’re supposed to be as long as you keep moving forward.

I could keep going, but man that’s a lot! And I know from experience that too much advice just goes in one ear and out the year because most of us don’t believe things until we experience them. Plus, a lot of us have the attention span of a goldfish, so some people may not have even read this far. This is a long post for me! Take it or leave it, those are all my words of wisdom as a “cool aunt.”

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Daily Prompt – January 1

What makes you feel nostalgic?

For me there isn’t just one thing that makes me feel nostalgic. However, the most powerful is probably music. So many songs are tied to people, events, places, etc that it is easy for a song to transport you back to a specific memory. Sometimes the nostalgia of music is great such as hearing BSB and feeling like a teenager; sometimes the nostalgia is sad like hearing Daniel and thinking of my grandpa. I often associate music with whoever introduced me to an artist, song, etc so that can also evoke a lot of nostalgia. I could go on and on about the power of music on reminiscing about the past!

Other things that are nostalgic? Smells can be! Cucumber melon always takes me back. Some items and photos evoke a sense of nostalgia. Driving by a place you used to frequent can also do it. Jewelry, clothes, old letters…I suppose the true answer is anything can be nostalgic!

What Do You Do?

Whenever I am at a networking event, the question that is always asked is simple: “What do you do?” My first thought when I hear the question is usually some lyrics from the 2001 song by City High called “What Would You Do?” If you grew up in the 90s/00s you know the lyrics – “Boys and girls, wanna hear a true story? Saturday night was at this real wild party” – and iconic voice of Ryan Toby! After that quick thought, I usually give my quick answer, but then as my day continues, I tend to get really contemplative about the question: “What do you do?”

Sometimes I giggle and think the answer to “What do you do?” is clean a lot of poop and vomit. This answer is not glamourous and is not at all reflective of my entire day, but it’s what I tend to think after cleaning up after the Princess Cat with IBS and the Goofy Cat that gets way too many hairballs for being a short hair. Once I even laughed while doing this because I got to witness an ant literally eat shit and die. The reality is that cleaning up after animals is a very small portion of the day, but it does provide the grossest response and most comical considering there was a caricature made of me as a teenager scooping the litter box.

So what do I really do?

I suppose the best answer is a little bit of everything through a variety of channels!

Be the Queen of Our Castle – includes homeschooling, household activities, travel planning, and more! See my previous post: https://thegreatkaysby.com/2024/05/30/help-wanted-stay-at-home-parent/
Bring people joy and hope by offering skincare and glamour consultations and instruction (joy) and fundraising for community events (hope) through my MK business.
Publish! Being a published writer was one of my DREAMS for as long as I can remember. I started writing short stories in elementary school, and it has always been a sometime hobby of mine. Never in a million years would I have believed that the dream of seeing my work in print could become a reality. Then along came a super supportive husband – Mr Kisby – and the self publishing tool called Amazon KDP. Since August 2023, we’ve published 42 titles (some are lined notebooks). Even if we never make a dime, the creative process has been super fun and rewarding!!! thegreatkaysby.com/letters-lore
Teach/tutor others! Just because I left teaching doesn’t mean the desire to teach left me. I use my love of teaching to first and foremost homeschool LilKsby, but I also use it to tutor others online. I absolutely love helping people prep for the ACT, become better writers, and assist with College Application Essays! To me teaching skin care and glamour is even a form of using my joy of teaching. I will always find fulfillment in teaching others!
Volunteer and help those who need a voice to have one! I used to do this a lot more, but I realized that my over extending myself to help others was taking a toll on my home life. It can be very easy to neglect those you love – including yourself – when you put all of your energy into helping others. However, I have found that what you fill your cup first, you can give a lot more! You might even find creative ways to do so! One of my favorite organizations? Camp TESSA!
Listen to music from the 90s and 00s! There is no mood lifter for me greater than jamming out to boy bands and bubble gum pop. Currently listening to BSB and *NSYNC on loop! There is also something about listening to music live that is good for the soul. I cannot pinpoint exactly what it is, but when you can feel the rhythm coursing through your veins, it is life changing!
Re-watch shows/movies I’ve seen a million times! This one is because it is a comfort. Hearing familiar jokes, crying familiar tears over endings even when you know they’re coming, seeing your favorite faces who feel like your friends is comforting. Obviously, I know that Niles Crane isn’t real, but there’s something about the comedic portrayal by David Hyde Pierce that always makes me think that I know this guy, and I’m laughing with him and not at him!
Read! I believe that being an avid reader is a gift. Reading books opens up the doors to so many great things! You can immerse yourself in fantasy worlds, experience emotions that you never would have encountered, learn new skills, and make travel plans all from reading books. Libraries are one of the greatest assets that we have in the world!
Artsy Stuff! Typically I hate to use the word stuff; however, I don’t really know a better word to sum up all of the artsy things that I do. Sew? Check. Scrapbook? Check. Paint? Check. Draw/doodle? Check. Find creative ways to repurpose things? Check. I like to think of myself as Glue Gun Guru!
Be outside! Now, I don’t do this one as much as I should because I sweat and am chunky. However, there is something invigorating about hiking, gardening, kayaking, swimming, etc. It gets me in a great mental space! Even just walking outside for a few minutes at night to look at the starts is game changing.
Planning! I love to plan things! This is why at different times in my life I’ve thought that it would be cool to be an Event Planner or Travel Agent. (Especially this one if it means discounted travel. Remember this started as a food and travel blog!)

The reality is that I do a lot of different things even though sometimes I’m sure it appears that I just post on social media all day (usually it’s a clue that someone is sick, I’m on a long car ride and not driving, or doing an idle activity like watching TV because try as I might, I cannot only do one thing at a time typically).

I want to know, what do you do?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Help Wanted: Stay At Home Parent

Remember the days of classified ads in the newspaper? They would have “Help Wanted” in giant lettering followed by a quick job description. The descriptions were usually vague, but they gave enough info to tell you whether or not you should submit a resume or make a call. As time evolved and more jobs went to being listed online, the descriptions became more detailed. My favorite part was always “additional duties as needed” because that usually meant something you would never willingly want to do. However, those job descriptions at least gave people a detailed idea of what to except. Plus, anyone can lookup an online job description and have a general idea of what a person in a specific job does. Lately, I’ve been thinking about my job of Stay At Home Parent, and I’ve realized that many people have no idea just what all a stay at home parent does.

To the outside world, sometimes I believe people think that my life as a stay at home parent predominantly involves going fun places, posting a lot on social media, and playing all day. While we do go a lot of places, I can assure you that if I’m posting an abundant amount it means someone is sick, and I’m sitting and snuggling them all day. Also, while we play a lot, there is a lot of butting heads too especially since LilKsby seems to have both of mine and Mr Kisby’s stubbornness and sass. Thus, for the outside world, here’s a little “job description” of my life as a stay at home parent (note that each stay at home parents job will vary).

Skill Requirements – flexibility, patience, kindness, loving heart, ability to say I’m sorry, ability to forgive, playfulness, planner of trips/activities, and more!
Appointment Maker – includes but is not limited to scheduling doctors appointments, dental checkups, eye exams, playdates, home maintenance/repairs, car maintenance/repairs, special events, and services such as large item trash pickup. This duty requires some organizational skills and a good planner/calendar.
Household Tasks – includes but is not limited to vacuuming, sweeping, dishes, some laundry, some cooking, scooping poop (we have cats…no people are pooping on the floor), straightening rooms, cleaning out expired items, packing up items for donation/yard sale, ordering groceries, and preparing for vacations. This duty can be gross and requires much patience if you don’t like cleaning.
Chauffeur/Runner – includes but is not limited to driving people, pets, or vehicles to appointments, running errands, driving to Parent & Kid Groups, and driving to various activities. Having a good concept of where things are located with and without GPS is a necessity for this duty!
Caretaker – includes but is not limited to giving snuggles and hugs for boo boos, special care when a household member is sick, making sure wellness needs are met for people and pets, and ensuring people feel loved and appreciated. Knowing your family’s love languages helps.
Homeschool Teacher (this one may not be for everyone, but it is for us) – includes but is not limited to curriculum planning, implementing instructional time, researching best practices and methodologies, attending homeschool functions, assessing progress, and attending conventions to further your own abilities

In addition to the basic duties, I’ve also added to my stay at home parent plate by working independent contractor jobs from home. If you’re wondering how do I balance it all, here is the answer: I don’t. Some months I hardly touch the work from home part which can leave me scrambling near the end of month or coming up shorter than desired. However, when striving to live faith, family, career (which is 100% a constant work in progress because it can be HARD to put faith and family before personal career goals after spending 21 years in the workplace). Also, I’ve added the duty of gardener because I feel it is important for LilKsby to know how to grow his own vegetables (the flowers are because they are pretty). The biggest duty and one of the most difficult is finding just five minutes a day to do something for yourself. Like any other job, being a stay at home parent requires sacrifice. Many times you sacrifice the things you want to do for the benefit of others. However, it is important to never lose sight of doing things you enjoy. So take a few minutes to play that video game, read a book, watch TV, put together your adult Legos, write, pursue an artistic endeavor…do something that makes you who you were created to be!!!

So there you have it: a Stay at Home Parent Job description. Is it complete? Nope. Something will always get added. However, it does provide a glimpse of what all the job entails. To all the stay at home parents, you’re doing a great job!!!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Another Trip Around the Sun

Photo by Sebastian Arie Voortman on Pexels.com

Tonight concludes another trip around the sun! Usually I blog on my birthday about all the great things that have happened in the last year, but this year I’m feeling a little differently – more introspective – about my birthday. Per usual I did have a list of things that I wanted to accomplish in the year, and as per usual as circumstances changed, the list changed. In the end I accomplished 24 of the 40 on the list, and I had a lot of fun throughout the year. However, more important than the fun was the personal growth that I felt came with 40, so I want to share some of my personal growth tips from the last year.

Learn to set boundaries. If you don’t learn to establish boundaries, people will walk all over you. Also, while learning to set boundaries, understand that it is a process not instantaneous.
Learn to do one thing at a time. As much as we all like to multi-task, we can only be fully present with one thing at a time.
Learn to not let the comments people make bother you to the point that you can’t focus. This is hard, but it is important to learn to do in order to avoid driving yourself crazy.
Try something new or something you haven’t done in a long time. There’s a rush that goes with learning or re-trying a skill!
Put down the phone. Boy this is a hard one that I’m trying to improve upon so that my child doesn’t believe it’s necessary to have a phone in front of your nose. When you put down the phone, you will realize how much stress being on it can cause you.
Schedules are not a bad thing. This is a struggle for me because I like to think I’m fun and do things on the fly, but the truth is that I achieve more and get more joy (because of not rushing) when things are scheduled. Plus, I love having things on the calendar to look forward to doing!
Dance like no one is watching! It’s fun!
Sing your heart out! It’s okay if you’re still belting out all of your favorite 90’s and 00’s songs!
Take one on one time with people. It allows you to connect with them on a deeper level and strengthens relationships.
Coffee, tea, and water are the best drinks on the planet! Water might be the most important, but the other two are right up there!
If you want to see change in the world, start by making a small change yourself. It’s really easy to complain about how hateful everyone in the world is, but by modeling kindness to others, you can be part of the solution.
Read a book or listen to an audiobook! There is power in the written word!
Find faith in something. For me it is God; for you it could be a blueberry muffin. I’m not going to judge what you put your faith into, but I can assure you that it is better to have faith in something than not at all.
Get outside! There is healing in nature!
Plan a trip! Then go on that trip. The world is big, and you deserve to see more than the little slice where you reside.
Purging material items that you don’t need is cathartic especially if you find a way to donate or reuse it instead of filling a landfill.
It’s okay to not believe the same things as previous generations. You’re a different person; therefore, it is okay for your viewpoints to be different.
If you influence children, teach them to actually learn things for themselves instead of believing everything they are told.
Stop believing that everything on the Internet or Social Media is true! If you see something that you’re unsure about its validity, do some research before you repost it.
Be proud of the things you have accomplished! They make you special and wonderful! Having a hard time with this? Take 10 minutes and list some of your greatest accomplishments.
Play with Legos. In fact, if you’re an adult, just find ways to play. Having fun will make your life better!
You’re never too old to look the way you want. Have blue hair! Get a nose ring! Do your thing!!!
Follow your dreams! I had always dreamed of writing and publishing, and now Mr Kisby and I have a little thing called Letters & Lore! It’s connected to this page!
Send handwritten notes to people. It takes more effort than a text or FB post, and it shows that you care.
Learn to stop comparing yourself to others. This is super hard and a work in progress, but I can assure you that if you accept who you are, you can achieve greatness!
Eat Zaxby’s. You can thank me later.
Don’t be afraid to try new things. Change might be scary, but it can also be amazing!
Do something you’ve been afraid to try. For me it was getting back on an airplane, but I had the best time last July, and I feel like I became a better person for it. Plus, it helps teach LilKsby to not be afraid.
Walk, run, jog, whatever…just get moving.
Life is short. Eat cake. Then go back to number 29.
It’s okay to stop doing things you no longer enjoy. Set it aside, and you may find that you like it if you try it again down the road.
Tell people your dreams.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help shows strength not weakness.
Relax during the holidays. Don’t get stressed out by trying to make them perfect. Enjoy them.
Unless you have a legit good reason, don’t say “no” to social invitations.
Make sure your cup is full so that you can pour into others.
Get a massage. It’s okay if you start laughing because you’re ticklish.
Always re-evaluate your goals in life. You’ll get further by allowing yourself to change.
Watch a favorite show again especially if you need a laugh!
Don’t wish time away. You can’t get it back.

That’s a lot of tips! I’ve learned a lot at 40, and I am 100% that 41 is going to be even more exciting and freeing! Much love my friends!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Literacy a Fun Idea

I cannot take full credit for this idea. I came up with the idea when I saw this post going around social media about a lady asking her husband and kids to buy her 12 books for Christmas and wrap them with a label for each month. This would be like her own Book of the Month club. Of course I saw this after the holiday, but I thought “I can adapt this!” At first I thought I would just adapt it for myself by rewrapping and labeling books I got for Christmas. Then I got to thinking that this could be a great way to get LilKsby to read different books! He loves to read, but a lot of times we end up reading the same 15 or so over and over. So I went to his bookshelf to find books he hasn’t previously shown an interest in reading and a couple new ones we had set aside. Tonight I wrapped them and put a label on each one. Then I put them all in a shoebox so that it looks a treasure chest. I cannot wait for him to see this box and be excited to unwrap a book each month!

So why am I sharing this here? As I wrapped them, I thought this could be a great way to encourage kids who do not like reading to pick up a book. It could also be a fun way for teachers to introduce a book each month to their class. Participate in summer reading? The same idea could be applied just for summer. This is “literacy” a fun idea for all ages!

Happy reading!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

The Secret to a Balanced Parent Life

When you become a parent, one of the things that modern society likes to imply is that you can easily balance everything in your life. There is the implication of you can work full time, feel like a stellar parent, have plenty of time for a romantic life, and so on and so forth. Here’s the truth and the secret to my seemingly so well balanced parent life: the idea that you can have it all in equal proportion is pure BS.

Think of it from a mathematical standpoint. If you are trying to balance 4 things equally in a 24 hour period, then you have to be able to devote six hours to each one of those things. Wait! You have necessities that have to be done such as sleeping, eating, and showering. Suppose those take 8 hours per day. That leaves you with 16 hours per day which would allot only 4 hours for each of those things. If you only applied 4 hours a day to your job, your boss would probably get irritated with you pretty quickly especially if they are paying you for 8 hours per day. While this isn’t a perfect example, do you see why you can’t equally balance your priorities?

This is where prioritizing the things that are important to you comes into play. If you’re rolling your eyes because you’re thinking well she’s a work from home mom, so this is easy for her to do, I ask you to take a moment and reflect on what’s preventing you from having an open mind. Having an open mind about your priorities is actually a key to finding balance. For you to find balance as a parent, one of the things you have to think about is what your priorities truly are. Obviously, a main priority is being able to provide financially for ones family. I think most everyone would agree on that. But what are your priorities after that? Do you put keeping a clean house over playing with your child? Do you put making coffee with your SO every night above sitting down and watching TV by yourself while they are in another room? Do you make it a priority to go on dates with your SO even if you’ve been married for a long timed? Once you decide on what the priorities are that will make you feel balanced and complete, then you can move on to implementing your balanced life as a parent.

For me, balance comes from having a Six Most Important things to do list every day. I actually divide my list in order of my priorities which tend to be Faith, Family, Work from Home, and Me Time. If you find that there is little or no fun in your life, then I highly recommend you invest in the Me time. Life is short, so you need to have fun! After looking at those things, I put what the most important thing is that needs to happen for each. Usually Faith has something like prayer, read a religious or spiritual text, and silent reflection. Family has things like School (we homeschool and try to spend at least two hours a day on lessons), Daily Chores (I have specific chores assigned to specific days of the week), and then any other errands that need to be done (call and schedule this appointment, go to the park, etc). The other two totally depend on what I’m doing at the time for those tasks. Sometimes my Work from Home says tutor while other times it is tasks for my DS business. One night a week it is designing journals for Letters & Lore (thegreatkaysby.com/letters-lore). My Me Time has been known to have things like paint, watch a movie, play video games, shave your legs, and paint your nails. Both of those are reflective of what is happening at the time. Does everything get done on my list each day? Nope. Shit happens. Sometimes you don’t find yourself able to get everything done. So how can that still make you feel balanced? Circle it and put it at the top of tomorrow’s list!

The last part of my secret to balanced parent life is to listen to your child(ren). This one is something I’m working to improve as I can feel easily overwhelmed and shutdown when things don’t go exactly as planned. However, your little one won’t remember that they went to bed while there was dirty dishes in the sink. They will remember that you had dinner late because the family took time to play a board game together. Likewise, they won’t remember that you didn’t vacuum this week. They will remember that you took two hours to play outside or spent time decorating the house for a holiday together. Along the same lines, they won’t remember that your car had peanut butter crackers smashed in the floorboard. They will remember the trips to the playground, going on hikes, and driving around to look at the changing leaves. Learning to listen to my child has been one of the best ways to find balance as a parent. By the way, this is also applicable to your SO. Listen to them and their cues both verbal and non-verbal. They need you too!

So there you go. Call it “Tip Tuesday” or just some general life advice, whatever you want to call it. Take the advice or leave it. But know that I didn’t do everything on my to list today because this seemed more important to share. I’ve long been told we teach on what we need to learn, so maybe I needed this more today than completing a list.

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

A Moment for Mattman

Matthew Perry once said that people would be shocked by his death, but they wouldn’t be surprised. I suppose he said this given the way that many people react to the death of someone who was either a recovering addict or a known addict. The fact that Matthew was the former of the two was as well known as the fact that he became famous for playing Chandler Bing. While many of us loved Chandler, we related to Matthew because of his openness with his struggles battling addiction as many people have either had the same battle personally or have a family member or friend that’s fought that battle.

Since hearing about Mattman’s untimely death last night (about 25 hours ago to be precise), I’ve thought a lot about him. This was in part due to listening to Friends while cleaning today, but it was mostly because in a lot of ways, I feel like I have lost a friend myself. Though we never met in person, from things like interviews and following him on Instagram, I found myself feeling connected on a personal level (much like it is easy to feel connected to a lot of people you friend/follow on social media). From what he put out there, he was very open about his battle with addiction and how he thought he could use his personal struggles to help others during their own fights with addiction. At one point he event turned his Malibu beach house into Perry House to give men who were starting their recovery journey a safe haven. I can’t think of a lot of people – celebrity or “normal guy” – who would be willing to do such a thing. Mattman was also very open about his 2018 health scare when he was given a 2% chance of survival after his colon burst and how looking at the colostomy bag was enough to keep him going on the recovery journey. He also truly believed that there was a reason God got him through this health scare, and he felt it was his mission to give others who were fighting addiction hope. This desire to spread hope led to the writing of his book and a script about his struggles. Imagine having a desire to spread hope after so much struggle just to survive! We could all stand to be a little more like that!

Whether you’re reading this as a general fan of Matthew Perry or a fan of Friends, I hope that you will take a moment of remembrance for Mattman and remember that he was more than Chandler Bing. As someone who didn’t grow up watching Friends (I wasn’t even a teenager when it started), yet grew up watching Friends, it can be hard to not want to focus on his legacy from the show standpoint. However, I will do my best to honor the man he was and the legacy of hope that he strived to pass forward. In a recent Instagram post, he said, “Sleep well everybody, I’ve got the city tonight – Mattman.” Tonight, he’s got all of us from above. Rest easy, Mattman!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

10 Things I Love About Me

As part of a leadership class I am taking, I’m starting a 30 day challenge of Daily Journal Prompts. This is outside of my usual realm, but I’m excited for the challenge!

Prompt 8 – List 10 things you love about yourself.

I love this prompt! Not because I love to talk about myself although sometimes I do it a little too much, but because I think listing things you love about yourself is a great mental health exercise. Over the years I’ve used a similar exercise to this prompt for therapeutic reasons, and I highly recommend everyone do it! Here goes my list!

1. I love my creativity and expressing it through painting, sewing, scrapbooking, coloring, and writing.

2. I love my ability to get lost in a book. Books can take you to another world, inform you, and inspire you!

3. I love my head – like all of it. My hair has always made me happy as have my eyes and smile.

4. I love my ability to burst out into song at random moments whether it is with a made up song or one I half know the lyrics to.

5. I love my tendency to be easily excited and enthusiastic about the littlest things!

6. I love my caring spirit and how much taking care of others feeds my soul. It’s important to be a servant leader.

7. I love my ability to teach people a variety of skills in a variety of areas.

8. I love my ability to work hard and get things done when I put my mind to accomplishing something.

9. I love my love of water. I feel most at peace when water is involved be it a shower, pool, rain, lake, etc.

10. Most of all I love being able to live by my priorities: faith, family/friends, living by the Golden Rule, and then career. The two greatest roles in my life are wife and mother, and I do my best to up hold that calling.

I challenge everyone to make their own 10 list!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

What’s In Your Cup?

There are many adages similar to “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” I’m not sure where I first heard the phrase given that it is a message stated in a variety of situations, but that is an insignificant detail. I have always found that it is a very true sentiment. In my own experience, I believe that you cannot give to others if your own cup is not filled. However, I have recently decided that perhaps it isn’t just an empty cup that keeps you from pouring into others, but also what is in your cup that keeps you from truly being able to bless others.

Most of us are familiar with people being deemed “glass half full” or “glass half empty,” but no one ever seems to stop and talk about what is in the cup. For example, is it better to be a glass that is half full with spite or a glass half empty where the half is hope? I would think that being filled with any amount of hope would be better than being filled with any amount of spite. Should my cup be full of spite, then I feel like I would inadvertently say things that came out hurtful or negatively impact a situation whereas if my cup is full of hope, I can share that hope with others and brighten someone’s day. I really believe that whether your cup is half full or half empty, what is in your cup will determine whether or not you can positively give to others.

So my closing thought is this. If you feel like what is in your cup is keeping you from blessing others the way you would like, take some time to wash, dry, and refill your cup with a new liquid so to speak!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Blessed and Thankful

The last big event LilKsby went to before the world shutdown in 2020 was a first birthday party for one of his first friends. Within two weeks of that party everyone was sheltering in place which led to LilKsby’s first birthday being a masked, socially distanced, outdoor affair with just his seven close family members. His second and third birthdays didn’t involve masks and outdoors, but they still involved the core seven as we were trying to minimize his exposures to Covid. Finally, today LilKsby got to have his first birthday party with friends AND family, and I kept thinking over and over, “We are abundantly blessed, and I am so thankful for everyone here!”

Days like today remind me of how abundantly blessed we truly are. First and foremost, we have an amazing family who are always there for us and who absolutely love LilKsby. The way they play with him, share their talents with him, and create memories with him will melt your heart! Secondly, we have amazing friends old and new. I remember a song from when I was in Girl Scouts as a kid with these lyrics: “Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver, the other is gold.A circle is round, it has no end. That’s how long, I will be your friend.” When I looked around the room full of love today, these lyrics rang so true! There were friends of mine and Mr Kisby’s from as long ago as high school, from 16 years ago when we were introduced to one another, friends from previous jobs, and new friends from within the last year who are some of the most incredible moms I have ever met! Likewise there were friends of LilKsby’s from the time he was a baby, from his first time at camp, and and from within the last year of weekly Pre-K classes! It was such a blessing to see them together talking, playing, and celebrating especially as concerned as I was a year ago about LilKsby having social opportunities. I could gush and gush about how blessed we are, and I assure you that my smile will always be so big that you would think there was a coat hanger in my mouth (Friends reference for all you other fans out there.)

I am also very thankful for everything surrounding today. First of all, I am thankful for Mr Kisby and the greatest gift of our lives which was the reason for today’s celebration: LilKsby. Sometimes I look at him, and I still can’t believe that God trusted me to be his mama! Secondly, I’m thankful for all the people who have been a part of LilKsby’s life. Whether they were at the party or not, there are so many people who have positively impacted his life in the last four years. If I attempted to name them, I know I would forget people, so just know that if you’re in our life, we are thankful for you! Finally, I’m thankful for the absolute pure joy of today’s celebration! I believe that experiencing joy is a key to living your best life, and today the joy overflowed in my heart! Like at times I literally felt like our little family was glowing from joy, thankfulness, and blessings.

Aside from going to bed absolutely elated, I hope that I never forget how blessed and thankful we are.

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Me + Food = ?

If you’ve read my blog for a long time, then you know that I used to write a lot about food. I would discuss my favorite foods along with where to get them. I thought of myself as a foodie and being a paid food critic sounded like a dream job! Paid to eat? Sign me up! However, as I got older and my priorities changed, I started realizing that my relationship with food was not a relationship I wanted LilKsby to grow up copying.

I grew up in what I would like to call the “clean your plate era.” I distinctly remember going to restaurants as a child and the restaurants having rewards (usually more food) for children who would eat everything. I’ll never forget that at Captain D’s a free piece of chocolate cake was the reward. As a kid, I thought this was great even though I don’t even like chocolate! It was just the idea of “winning” a prize. As an adult, I find myself appalled that the reward for overeating was to eat more. Because of these reward systems, for a long time I found myself feeling required to clean my plate. I’m not saying this “clean your plate mentality” is the sole reason for my obesity – a lot of bad habits went into that – but it took a long time for me to become okay with having leftovers!

Some of my other bad habits with food have also attributed to my up and down relationship with the scale. One of the worst of these is eating out of habit instead of hunger. For my entire school career, health classes pushed the concept of three meals a day: breakfast when you woke up, lunch around noon, and dinner in the early evening. There was also usually a rousing chorus of “breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” Since this is what was taught, eating became routine whether I was hungry or not. Lately, I’m really working to ask myself “Am I hungry?” before having a meal or snack. Another bad habit for me is emotional eating. This is a big one! Just this evening, I was feeling a little moody and found myself thinking “I need a cookie to feel better!” I looked at the tub of cookies, then I thought to myself, “You don’t need a cookie! You’re not hungry!” Guess what? I’m really glad that I didn’t eat that cookie!

Acknowledging the bad qualities of my relationship with food has been an interesting journey. When you love something so much, it can be hard to want to make a change. I’m still working on making better choices a lot of which comes down to planning and sticking to the plan. I’ve also been striving to educate myself on better healthy eating habits from credible sources and avoiding “crash diets.” It’s a work in progress, and I know that there are going to be occasions where I over indulge. However, I’m not going to give up!

Want to join me on my wellness journey?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

39 While 39 – Complete

If you’ve been with me for a while, then you know two things. One, last year I sat out to complete 39 fun things while 39 years old. Two, tomorrow I turn 40. I’m excited to say that I’ve completed 39 things!!! I’ve actually completed a lot more than that, but I finished my list. You will note that my list changed throughout the year. This is a reflection of my own personal growth throughout the year. My most important takeaway has been that it is okay to change what you want in life because that is a sign that you’re growing! I’m so happy with how much I’ve grown over the last year and how much I’ve begun living by my priorities. I could get very philosophical about this, but instead I’ll share my accomplished list!

✓ Ride a roller coaster – rode a couple of them at Dollywood. Wooden roller coasters are still my favorite!

✓ Ride a train – also happened at Dollywood! It was beautiful looking down at all the Christmas lights!

✓ Finish the green and gold dress – I started creating this dress in 2012 when we still played Amtgard. When we stopped, I stopped. Now it is finished, and it is beautiful!

✓ Take a vacation – We took several! Made it to Pigeon Forge area twice, America’s Historical Triangle, Nashville, and Rough River. Looking forward to more travel this year!

✓ Sushimas – First once since 2019! I loved seeing all of our friends and bringing back traditions!

✓ Bet on the Derby – Felt so grown up to bet on the race from my phone. Looking forward to getting my $9 check!

✓ Go kayaking – Nothing like being out on the water to make you feel one with the universe!

✓ Finish Baby Books – LilKsby is turning 4 soon, so I’m elated to say I finally had time to finish his books!

✓ Play pool – I love playing pool! Did this on my birthday last year and in Gatlinburg!

✓ Go to a cave – We had the wonderful opportunity to take our nephew to Mammoth Cave last summer.

✓ Enter a competition for creativity – I’ve always wanted to enter a Christmas tree competition! I came in like 12th out of 31!

✓ Calendar Album – Made an album out of all the calendars LilKsby has made for presents.

✓ Complete 1 Year Frame – I had bought one of these my first year frames before LilKsby was born. Finally completed it!

✓ See Dr Strange 2 – Fun movie!

✓ See Thor Love and Thunder – Great movie!

✓ Read 12 Books – Finished 13 and have started 14!

✓ Watch Young Sheldon 3 and 4 – Glad I did because Seasons 5 and 6 have been amazing!

✓ Watch Step By Step – Great throwback to my childhood!

✓ Go to GenCon Online – Gaming is fun in person and online!

✓ Wedding Scrapbook – After almost 11 years, mine and Mr Kisby’s wedding scrapbook is complete!

✓ Order a t-shirt quilt – Wanted to do this for years! Can’t wait to get it back!

✓ Go to an art museum – Virtually visited the Van Gogh Museum!

✓ Make a state fair entry – have a few ready to go!

✓ Go to Gatlinburg – Great trip! Highly recommend Cade’s Cove!

✓ Go to the Tulip Farm – Beautiful local farm! Love supporting friends!

✓ Complete 10 Coursera Classes – took classes for fun and business!

✓ Complete 5 paintings – painted for myself and Christmas gifts!

✓ Go to JR Neighbors – I’m proud of us for trying something new.

✓ See the BSB DNA Tour – Amazing show with amazing people!

✓ Complete NANOWRIMO – Loved starting this book! Can’t wait to edit and publish!

✓ Go to a winery – Not only did I go to one, I also became a member!

✓ Write Letters for Book – Completed a book with letters from me to Lil Kisby!

✓ Watch The Game Season 2 – This show is epic! There needs to be a Season 3!

✓ Finish a Bible Study – Learned about love being the greatest gift of all!

✓ Go to a pumpkin activity – We went to the Pumpkin Wagon!

✓ Try a salt cave or salt room – So relaxing! I’ve been twice now!

✓ Write 10 fan letters – This was so fun! I never got any responses, but it was fun to do!

✓ Get a Casey’s Taco Pizza – My favorite pizza! I only get them when going west. Hope yo have another soon!

✓ Go to the State Fair – worked it and went as a guest! Love it!

Not on the list? Transitioning from full time working mom to stay at home/work from home mom. Hands down the thing I did while 39 that has helped me be a better wife, mother, and person while also improving my mental and physical health. I challenge all of you to take risks, do things you enjoy, and make your next year the best year!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

The “Art” of the Matter

Once again March is here, and I am in the middle of Tech Week for a show. Like usual during this week, I either find myself thinking about a better way I could have made a costume work or why I believe all children should have access to the Arts at early age. Just this morning I found myself thinking, “Why do so many people push their kids into athletics but not something related to the arts?” I am not a researcher, but as a life long fan of the arts (seriously, I played a sheep at age 5), I feel like the “art” of the matter is that people don’t see the benefits of involvement with the arts.

So what are the benefits? This can vary depending on the type of art form being utilized. To start, let’s talk about the theatre. First and foremost, being in the theatre teaches team work. Unless you’re starring in a one person show in which you also do all of the tech work, you have to work cooperatively with others to stage a successful production. A big component of this is strengthening communication and self advocacy skills. For example, if you’re in the cast, and you lose something, then you have to be able to ask the appropriate person for help. I can’t tell you how often I get asked “Where’s my x?” I’m always glad they ask so that they have something to wear on stage! Additionally, theatre promotes learning empathy (something that I believe is strongly missing in today’s society). Whenever you are playing a character, you have to find ways to understand their emotions and portray them in such a way that you can relate to the emotion. Empathy can also be developed just from watching a theatrical production as well. Obviously, given my 35 years of being in theatre, I feel very strongly about this one!

However, my strong feelings about everyone trying the arts doesn’t stop with theatre. I believe that learning to paint, creating collages, and using clay are essential to developing fine motor skills. Another way to work on fine motor skills? Playing a musical instrument! Learning a musical instrument and how to read music can also help with math skills. In elementary school, I always believed that fractions made sense because of knowing how to read music and understanding the number of beats associated with a given note. Along with teaching math, music can help with writing skills, emotional management, recalling memories, and much more. Seriously, look up all the ways music can be beneficial. One other thing worth looking is the health benefits associated with music and art therapy. If I can’t convince you to get the “art” of the matter, the research might be able to do so. Are you feeling ready to try being artsy yet?

Understand that I’m not trying to say sports don’t have a place. I played several of those while also being active in the arts. Likewise, I’m not trying to convince you to only pick the arts. However, if getting to the “art” of the matter could have a positive impact on life, why not at least give them – or encourage your kids to give them – a try?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

An Open Letter to Kate Winslet

This is outside my normal blog writing realm; however, I thoroughly enjoy writing fan mail. Along the same lines, I’m also too lazy to go buy an International stamp. Thus, I’m sharing this here even though I know that Ms Winslet will probably never in a million years see it.

Dear Kate Winslet,

A few nights ago, I went on a date with my husband to see the 25th Anniversary run of Titanic at the movie theater. When the movie was released 25 years ago, I saw it at the cinema five times. A part of that was because I had a huge crush on Leo DiCaprio. Fourteen year old me thought it was amazing that he was a hottie who also gave a damn about the environment even before it was trendy to do so. Just as big of a part of my going to see the movie so much was because before you brought Rose to life, I had never been able to see part of myself in an actress.

Growing up, I always saw myself as out of place physically. I had auburn hair that was far from a popular shade in the 90s, and I was heavy set compared to most of my peers (today, I realize that 155 at 5’7 truly wasn’t that heavy). To go with this, I’d always had a more round face and slightly chubby cheeks than most classmates. Prior to Titanic, I never could relate to anyone I saw in magazines, film, etc. However, from the time I saw your natural beauty and grace onscreen with similar features to mine, my outlook changed. Through seeing you, I discovered that I was also beautiful in my own way. Seeing you in the film also helped me realize that unique can be a lot more beautiful than the cookie cutter Barbie-like pretty that was so popular when I was growing up. Thanks for making a red head feel like part of the cool kids club!

In recent years, I’ve read that you feel like your performance in Titanic was embarrassing. Though it may not be your favorite, I am forever grateful that you chose to be in the film. Your choice began the journey for making me realize how powerful and beautiful a red head can be!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby