"My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea, and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me." – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
A strong leader is someone who is willing to recognize their abilities may not be up to par any more and step aside so that someone more capable can take over the role. I can’t think of any better example of strong leadership than those who are willing to set their pride aside for the better of the group they are leading. This is the gist of my thoughts since President Biden decided to step down from the 2024 Presidential Election yesterday. While I know there people who are going to make negative comments because of their personal opinions, I believe that we can all learn from President Biden’s actions. We may not all be in charge of a country, but we all find ourselves involved with jobs, organizations, etc where we eventually realize that our leadership or fulfillment of duties is no longer up to par. The question then becomes, do you step aside and allow someone more able to take your place, or do you continue holding the position though you are inadequate?
If you opt to step aside, it tells me that you believe in the mission you had set out to achieve, and you want it to be obtained even if your name is no longer attached. Those who are willing to step aside recognize that their continued leadership could be more of a hindrance than a help. Additionally, be willing to step aside shows that the person who steps aside generally wants what is best for the people who are involved. On the flip side, is the leader who refuses to step aside even if they are being a detriment to the organization’s goals or mission. The image that immediately comes to mind when thinking about this kind of leader is a boat captain watching his ship go up in flames as opposed to grabbing a fire extinguisher! This is the kind of leader that cares more about having power than how their actions impact the group as a whole. When looking at it from these perspectives, then you would think it would make sense to be the first leader. But…
How many people have remained CEO after their decisions were no longer best for most involved?
How many people have continued with a club or organization after they no longer really cared?
How many people have continued to coach a team even when they were no longer effective?
It’s actually easier to keep pushing forward because it doesn’t involve admitting you are no longer the best for the job. Many of us have been taught that stepping aside is a sign of weakness, and that admitting we were not good at something is a sign of weakness. The reality is being willing to admit you’re the wrong fit shows strength as a leader!
So to all of those out there leading a team, I hope that you’re doing what’s best not just for you but for your whole organization!
To say that a lot has happened in the world in the last 48 hours feels like an immense understatement. I’ve seen a variety of posts since yesterday with various messages regarding the events, and I keep feeling like I’ve wanted to post something. However, a single social media post often doesn’t convey exactly what I want it to say. Plus, people tend to take single posts the wrong way or use them as an excuse to start arguments. To me starting arguments is the exact opposite of what the world needs right now. As I watched Mass this evening, there were four things that came to mind the world currently needs.
First and foremost, the world needs forgiveness. When you live in a world without forgiveness, hearts become hardened. Some people need to forgive others – perhaps a neighbor, friend, or family member for a wrongdoing. They may have committed it, the other party may of committed it, and one of the parties may not even know that the wrongdoing occurred. Yet the weight of the act carries hard on the heart, and the only way to move forward is through forgiving the person. Some people also may need to forgive themselves. Often times we are our own harshest critics, and people need to learn to forgive themselves for the mistakes they made. The person you are today is not the person you were five years ago. Forgive those mistakes so that you can pursue your best life and open up your heart to the blessings that you are meant to have in your life!
Forgiveness leads directly into the second thing the world needs: love. As human beings the greatest thing that we can do is love ALL of our fellow human beings. Now let me clarify something important. You can love someone and not like the choices that they make, the beliefs they hold, etc. There is a good chance that they are making the choices that they do because they don’t feel worthy of love due to some circumstance about which you have no knowledge or because they have never been encouraged to think for themselves. The best human beings to walk the earth have always found ways to love one another. These are the humans that have the greatest and longest lasting impact. I will always support people who lead with love over people who promote hate any day!
The other two things the world needs tie heavily into showing love to one another. First and foremost, the world needs people to be a voice for those who cannot have their voice heard. One of the most important things we can do is give a voice to those who society will not listen to be it because of their age, ability level, gender, socioeconomic background, etc. Giving a voice to them shows that you love people and want to see everyone receive care! While giving a voice to those in need, it is also important to remember that the world needs to not oppress people. If you are speaking words, creating rules/regulations/laws, demonstrating actions that actively prevent people from having equal rights and choices, then you are not loving them. You are dictating what they should and should not be allowed to do, and you are passing on judgment on them. In my book, there is only one who should pass judgment, and He’s not walking among us! Do you know what He does do? Encourage loving all people no matter their race, religion, gender, sexuality, background, etc!
This is a heavy message, but it’s been on my heart, so I wanted to share. To lighten the mood, I’ll quote Burt Bacharach, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just to little of. What the world needs now is love, sweet love. No not just for some, but for everyone.”
Remember the days of classified ads in the newspaper? They would have “Help Wanted” in giant lettering followed by a quick job description. The descriptions were usually vague, but they gave enough info to tell you whether or not you should submit a resume or make a call. As time evolved and more jobs went to being listed online, the descriptions became more detailed. My favorite part was always “additional duties as needed” because that usually meant something you would never willingly want to do. However, those job descriptions at least gave people a detailed idea of what to except. Plus, anyone can lookup an online job description and have a general idea of what a person in a specific job does. Lately, I’ve been thinking about my job of Stay At Home Parent, and I’ve realized that many people have no idea just what all a stay at home parent does.
To the outside world, sometimes I believe people think that my life as a stay at home parent predominantly involves going fun places, posting a lot on social media, and playing all day. While we do go a lot of places, I can assure you that if I’m posting an abundant amount it means someone is sick, and I’m sitting and snuggling them all day. Also, while we play a lot, there is a lot of butting heads too especially since LilKsby seems to have both of mine and Mr Kisby’s stubbornness and sass. Thus, for the outside world, here’s a little “job description” of my life as a stay at home parent (note that each stay at home parents job will vary).
Skill Requirements – flexibility, patience, kindness, loving heart, ability to say I’m sorry, ability to forgive, playfulness, planner of trips/activities, and more!
Appointment Maker – includes but is not limited to scheduling doctors appointments, dental checkups, eye exams, playdates, home maintenance/repairs, car maintenance/repairs, special events, and services such as large item trash pickup. This duty requires some organizational skills and a good planner/calendar.
Household Tasks – includes but is not limited to vacuuming, sweeping, dishes, some laundry, some cooking, scooping poop (we have cats…no people are pooping on the floor), straightening rooms, cleaning out expired items, packing up items for donation/yard sale, ordering groceries, and preparing for vacations. This duty can be gross and requires much patience if you don’t like cleaning.
Chauffeur/Runner – includes but is not limited to driving people, pets, or vehicles to appointments, running errands, driving to Parent & Kid Groups, and driving to various activities. Having a good concept of where things are located with and without GPS is a necessity for this duty!
Caretaker – includes but is not limited to giving snuggles and hugs for boo boos, special care when a household member is sick, making sure wellness needs are met for people and pets, and ensuring people feel loved and appreciated. Knowing your family’s love languages helps.
Homeschool Teacher (this one may not be for everyone, but it is for us) – includes but is not limited to curriculum planning, implementing instructional time, researching best practices and methodologies, attending homeschool functions, assessing progress, and attending conventions to further your own abilities
In addition to the basic duties, I’ve also added to my stay at home parent plate by working independent contractor jobs from home. If you’re wondering how do I balance it all, here is the answer: I don’t. Some months I hardly touch the work from home part which can leave me scrambling near the end of month or coming up shorter than desired. However, when striving to live faith, family, career (which is 100% a constant work in progress because it can be HARD to put faith and family before personal career goals after spending 21 years in the workplace). Also, I’ve added the duty of gardener because I feel it is important for LilKsby to know how to grow his own vegetables (the flowers are because they are pretty). The biggest duty and one of the most difficult is finding just five minutes a day to do something for yourself. Like any other job, being a stay at home parent requires sacrifice. Many times you sacrifice the things you want to do for the benefit of others. However, it is important to never lose sight of doing things you enjoy. So take a few minutes to play that video game, read a book, watch TV, put together your adult Legos, write, pursue an artistic endeavor…do something that makes you who you were created to be!!!
So there you have it: a Stay at Home Parent Job description. Is it complete? Nope. Something will always get added. However, it does provide a glimpse of what all the job entails. To all the stay at home parents, you’re doing a great job!!!
Tonight concludes another trip around the sun! Usually I blog on my birthday about all the great things that have happened in the last year, but this year I’m feeling a little differently – more introspective – about my birthday. Per usual I did have a list of things that I wanted to accomplish in the year, and as per usual as circumstances changed, the list changed. In the end I accomplished 24 of the 40 on the list, and I had a lot of fun throughout the year. However, more important than the fun was the personal growth that I felt came with 40, so I want to share some of my personal growth tips from the last year.
Learn to set boundaries. If you don’t learn to establish boundaries, people will walk all over you. Also, while learning to set boundaries, understand that it is a process not instantaneous.
Learn to do one thing at a time. As much as we all like to multi-task, we can only be fully present with one thing at a time.
Learn to not let the comments people make bother you to the point that you can’t focus. This is hard, but it is important to learn to do in order to avoid driving yourself crazy.
Try something new or something you haven’t done in a long time. There’s a rush that goes with learning or re-trying a skill!
Put down the phone. Boy this is a hard one that I’m trying to improve upon so that my child doesn’t believe it’s necessary to have a phone in front of your nose. When you put down the phone, you will realize how much stress being on it can cause you.
Schedules are not a bad thing. This is a struggle for me because I like to think I’m fun and do things on the fly, but the truth is that I achieve more and get more joy (because of not rushing) when things are scheduled. Plus, I love having things on the calendar to look forward to doing!
Dance like no one is watching! It’s fun!
Sing your heart out! It’s okay if you’re still belting out all of your favorite 90’s and 00’s songs!
Take one on one time with people. It allows you to connect with them on a deeper level and strengthens relationships.
Coffee, tea, and water are the best drinks on the planet! Water might be the most important, but the other two are right up there!
If you want to see change in the world, start by making a small change yourself. It’s really easy to complain about how hateful everyone in the world is, but by modeling kindness to others, you can be part of the solution.
Read a book or listen to an audiobook! There is power in the written word!
Find faith in something. For me it is God; for you it could be a blueberry muffin. I’m not going to judge what you put your faith into, but I can assure you that it is better to have faith in something than not at all.
Get outside! There is healing in nature!
Plan a trip! Then go on that trip. The world is big, and you deserve to see more than the little slice where you reside.
Purging material items that you don’t need is cathartic especially if you find a way to donate or reuse it instead of filling a landfill.
It’s okay to not believe the same things as previous generations. You’re a different person; therefore, it is okay for your viewpoints to be different.
If you influence children, teach them to actually learn things for themselves instead of believing everything they are told.
Stop believing that everything on the Internet or Social Media is true! If you see something that you’re unsure about its validity, do some research before you repost it.
Be proud of the things you have accomplished! They make you special and wonderful! Having a hard time with this? Take 10 minutes and list some of your greatest accomplishments.
Play with Legos. In fact, if you’re an adult, just find ways to play. Having fun will make your life better!
You’re never too old to look the way you want. Have blue hair! Get a nose ring! Do your thing!!!
Follow your dreams! I had always dreamed of writing and publishing, and now Mr Kisby and I have a little thing called Letters & Lore! It’s connected to this page!
Send handwritten notes to people. It takes more effort than a text or FB post, and it shows that you care.
Learn to stop comparing yourself to others. This is super hard and a work in progress, but I can assure you that if you accept who you are, you can achieve greatness!
Eat Zaxby’s. You can thank me later.
Don’t be afraid to try new things. Change might be scary, but it can also be amazing!
Do something you’ve been afraid to try. For me it was getting back on an airplane, but I had the best time last July, and I feel like I became a better person for it. Plus, it helps teach LilKsby to not be afraid.
Walk, run, jog, whatever…just get moving.
Life is short. Eat cake. Then go back to number 29.
It’s okay to stop doing things you no longer enjoy. Set it aside, and you may find that you like it if you try it again down the road.
Tell people your dreams.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help shows strength not weakness.
Relax during the holidays. Don’t get stressed out by trying to make them perfect. Enjoy them.
Unless you have a legit good reason, don’t say “no” to social invitations.
Make sure your cup is full so that you can pour into others.
Get a massage. It’s okay if you start laughing because you’re ticklish.
Always re-evaluate your goals in life. You’ll get further by allowing yourself to change.
Watch a favorite show again especially if you need a laugh!
Don’t wish time away. You can’t get it back.
That’s a lot of tips! I’ve learned a lot at 40, and I am 100% that 41 is going to be even more exciting and freeing! Much love my friends!
Birds are singing, flowers are blooming, and trees are blossoming with new life! We’ve been waiting for it for what feels like forever even though in reality it was a few weeks, and now Spring is finally here! If you’re like me and thinking what to do this Spring, then this Top 10 list is for you! Presenting…10 Things To Try This Spring!
Take a walk around where you live. This may sound basic but Spring is a great time to see what has changed since you were last able to go for walks in the Summer or Fall. The walk will be relaxing because it is in a familiar setting, and you also might get some inspiration for outside your own home!
Look up a trail nearby that you’ve never hiked and hike it! I love to hike on trails in the Spring and Fall. Of course you have to understand that in Summer, I sweat like it is nobody’s business just walking out the door. So the weather in Spring and Fall makes for my perfect hiking climate. I like to hike in the Spring because you get to see all of the life returning to nature. Plus, it’s usually cool up into the day during the Spring which again prevents sweating!
Splash in some mud puddles! If you live somewhere that it rains a decent amount, go outside after it is finished (or when it is raining) and splash through some puddles. You’re going to get wet, but your shoes will dry, and you can change your socks. There’s a childlike joy that comes with splashing in puddles, and we can all use a little childlike joy.
Go for a country drive! I know gas is pricey, but think about it in comparison to buying a bunch of tickets for something. With that perspective the price isn’t so bad! Since I grew up in the middle of nowhere, I’ve always found country drives on winding roads that are surrounded by fields to be relaxing. Plus, there is something so soothing about having the windows down and jamming out to the radio!
Checkout a State Park! I can’t speak for every state, but where I live there is a great state park system. Most of these have a variety of activities, and typically one can be found relatively close to home. We love to walk along the water and hunt for fossils if the water is down, and we also enjoy relaxing in a cabin.
Plant flowers! I love planting flowers! They instantly beautify your surroundings and perk up your mood. Plus, there are great health benefits when you have house plants. I’ve got my little indoor garden in my office, and it frequently perks me up!
Declutter! Spring cleaning is not fun when you think of it in terms of dusting, washing baseboards, shampooing carpets, etc. However, decluttering can be a lot of fun! There is something refreshing and rewarding about getting rid of items you no longer need and passing them on to someone who can use them!
Plan for the future! What better time to rethink your dream vision of your future than Spring when new life is all around you? Make lists of trips you’d like to take, foods you would like to try, movies you want to see, etc. Anything can be on your list, and don’t be afraid to dream big!!!
Reconnect with people! Do you ever find yourself thinking that you wish you talked to someone more? Reach out to them! Send them a “I was thinking about you, I hope you’re doing well.” It doesn’t have to be a big connection, but it will most likely make them feel important.
Try something new for your health. This can be exercising more, getting a long over do checkup, treating yourself to a massage, changing your eating habits, drinking more water, etc. Improving your health is the key to getting to do everything else on your list!
What would be on your list of 10 Things To Try This Spring?
F Scott Fitzgerald famously had his character Jay Gatsby say, “Can’t repeat the past? Why of course you can. Of course you can!” As anyone who has read The Great Gatsby knows, you can’t repeat the past, and if you live permanently trying to recreate the past, then it is never going to work out as planned. That said, you can’t repeat the past, but you can revisit things you used to enjoy immensely!
Many moons ago, I was involved in a little game called Amtgard. The easiest way to describe it to those not involved is Medieval Reenactment. I met my husband and a lot of my adulthood friends through this game (though some of us were teenagers when we met), and though I still chat with some of the friends, I don’t see them every week like I once did. There was a point in our lives when we were involved with this game multiple times a week, then it dwindled down to a handful of times a year, and eventually we stopped participating approximately seven years ago.
Enter this weekend.
A couple of our friends – one of the most wonderful couples you will ever encounter – were getting knighted which is the pinnacle of achievement in the game of Amtgard. These are friends that we have kept in contact with over the years and occasionally see, so when they told us they were going to be getting knighted, we wanted to be there for it. Leading up to the weekend, we were excited, but we had no idea what to expect. We had no idea if we would see people we know, if we would feel out of place, or if the game would be so different that we wouldn’t recognize because as we know, “You can’t repeat the past.”
Turns out you can’t repeat the past, but you can still revisit the things you have to do and discover that it is an enjoyable experience! Much to our surprise, as soon as we walked over to the event area, we saw people that we knew from seven plus years ago, and we were welcomed with hugs and “How are you? It’s been too long!” It felt heartwarming to be made to feel wanted and missed. As we caught up with friends, walked around the site, and chowed down on some delicious food truck selections, we fit right in with everything else happening. Imagine being just another piece of a puzzle that clicks right in with the whole and adds to the picture. It felt familiar, relaxing, and most importantly fun! Side note, I think a lot of adults need to remember how to have fun!!!
So was the game different? Yes, it was. However, from what we observed in our short time there, it seemed as though the changes were for the good. Like why was I never given a Reeve Stick when I was Reeving all the time? The answer is probably because I would have smacked someone with it if they got too close to me! Also, I remember we used to always not enjoy Court, but this time it was so much fun and so much thought went into the creation of the awards. Seeing the progress was great!
That said, I want to write all this down because I think it is important for me to remember this feeling. While you can’t repeat the past, you can still find joy in the things your previously loved, and you can consider doing them more frequently than every seven years!
It’s been a minute since I took time to write a blog. There are several times in the last few weeks that I have considered writing. Many times when I considered writing, it was fueled by desire to express my feelings about something happening in the world, an ignorant comment seen on social media, or a passive aggressive and semi condescending tone of something said or posted. In those moments when I wanted to write, I was fiery, and I decided against writing no matter how good the blog sounded in my head. Why? Because if I had made those posts, then I would have been doing a thing that I dislike: falling for a trap.
Oftentimes I believe that people say certain things, make posts, etc in an attempt to get people fired up and arguing. Somewhere along the way, what were once topics of friendly debate have now become bait for starting arguments that have set friends and family against one another. There are times when I think the person doesn’t even believe what they are posting, yet they still post it just attempting to start a fight. It’s almost as though they get some sort of dopamine rush from making people upset. I get why people find themselves wanting to argue against ignorance, but when you fall into the trap of ignorance often you’re just hurting yourself as your point won’t be received.
Avoiding the trap can be hard, and I will say that there is a time for voicing one’s opinion. If you’re opinion defends someone who doesn’t have a voice, then by all means shout it from the proverbial rooftops. When feeling the need to say voice your opinion, here are somethings I would recommend considering:
Are your words coming from a place of emotion or reason? Remember that you can catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar! If you’re from the south, this is where the phrase “Bless your heart” can come into play!
Are your words really something you believe, or are you just retaliating? How often does your brain tell you something that you don’t believe whatsoever? In the heat of the moment, it can be so easy to spout off at the mouth, but here’s a secret. Once you say something, it cannot be undone. This is something I find myself working to correct as my mouth can be faster than my brain. Guess what? Even if forgiveness is granted, that doesn’t mean people forget what you said.
Are your words something that you would want your kids to believe? Trust me from experience. Even if you don’t think your child is listening, they are picking up on the words you throw down. Eventually if they hear it enough, then they will start believing it.
Is starting a discussion with the person worth your time or the energy it will drain from you? Time and energy are limited resources. Do you really want to waste yours on something that doesn’t really matter, or do you want to look back at your day and fill accomplished and fulfilled?
Is making a comment really going to be beneficial to you and the other person, or could saying it damage your relationship? Relationships with people are fragile, and they way we say things can intentionally or unintentionally hurt them. I remember my grandmother once saying that I needed bangs because my forehead is big. I’m sure she didn’t really mean anything by it, but I still find myself thinking sometimes that my forehead is too big even though I’m pretty sure it is normal size.
Since it’s been a minute for me, I hope that it has also been a minute for you as it means you’re excelling at only responding when it matters and not getting trapped in an argument!
I love practicing yoga! Tonight I experienced an exceptionally relaxing class because instead of listening to an instrumental mediation, we jammed to 90’s Rock. For me this music was a more relaxing and mind soothing choice because that was the music that put me to sleep each night growing up. In fact, I spent the shavasana portion on my stomach with my arms crossed under my head remembering how I fell asleep most nights circa 2000. Since that yoga class, I keep having more and more 90’s songs pop in my head. One song in particular – Silk E Fyne’s “Romeo and Juliet” – got me thinking about the types of things people say as they get older that are fundamentally wrong when you get to thinking deeper. Based on that, I started thinking about a couple of things philosophically. Ready for it?
“When we were younger, they didn’t just talk about things like sex in songs, they only implied it.” – WRONG – Where to start busting this myth? When I was 16, we had Ludacris asking all of us “What’s Your Fantasy?” and pretty much providing a list of off the wall places to have sex with some instructions. Before Ludacris, Meatloaf had started introducing people to vehicular activities back in the 70s with “Paradise By the Dashboard Light” that left nothing to the imagination.
“We didn’t have these issues when I was younger.” WRONG – It was not that long ago that many “issues” were swept under the rug so to speak. Less than a hundred years ago, people were still sending off family members with disabilities to institutions so that they didn’t have to take care of them. Likewise, it’s only been a few decades since teenage girls who got pregnant were sent to “take care of a sick aunt” for several months. A word to the wise? Ignoring an issue doesn’t mean that it didn’t exist. This is a lesson that can still be utilized!
There are several other examples swirling through my brain, but the gist is this: oftentimes, people will think that the past was better, more innocent, etc than it really was because they forget the negatives. Forgetting the bad makes it really easy to think that life was better in a previous time, but the bottom line is that on many levels the issues are the same.
Currently, I am taking a class on Coursera called “Mindshift.” The concept of the class is to help you break through mental barriers and be able to learn concepts/topics that you never thought possible. The following was the first discussion prompt: “Tell others about unexpected assets you’ve brought into your work from your past, sometimes seemingly unconnected knowledge.” When I read this prompt I immediately thought about my crazy journey of a college education, and how all the seemingly completely different aspects of it have come together in my life. Here is my response:
I feel like this entire concept is me in a nutshell. For as long as I can remember, I have had a variety of interests and skill sets that somehow find a way to compliment each other. From a young age, I was interested in the performing arts namely acting and singing. Thus, when I first entered college, I was going to get a Bachelors Degree of Arts in Theatre. After two years of theatre coursework, I decided that the starving artist life was not one that I wanted to pursue. However, the skills I learned at 18 and 19 are still coming in handy now that I’m 40. As an example, one of the theatre classes we had to take was lighting design. In this course, we had to learn how to rewire broken stage lights. To this day, if necessary, I am confidant that I can rewire a lamp if necessary. During this time frame, I also learned skills for public speaking that I still use today when I give business presentations.
My next college move led me to pursue two degrees in Business Management. By the time I finished the second degree in the field, I knew that I didn’t actually want to be a manager at any local business. So instead of being an unhappy manager, I put those skills to use in my own business while also pursuing a Masters in Teaching. For several years, I worked my own business and taught school. At times the skills from both overlapped especially when talking about time management, emotional management, and organization. While teaching I started being the costumer for our Drama Club which allowed me to connect with technical design and utilize all the sewing skills I picked up when I used to do Medieval Re-enactment.
Now, I have left teaching because the pandemic made me realize that I don’t want to be raising other people’s children more than I am raising my own. Thus, now the teaching skills are being used to homeschool our child, and the business degree skills are being used for two freelance style jobs and our business creating journals and planners.
Side note, those theatre skills learned early on? I may not be a pro, but I have put them to use in Community Theatre over the years! Bonus, I’ve also used to the business skills to serve on Boards for local non-profit groups.
Talk about full circle!
I’d love to know in the comments how previous career, education, and hobbies have given you skills that are an asset to what you currently do!
What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?
Good news! If you don’t have a consistent routine, you can’t always try and skip something. Bad news! If you don’t have a consistent routine, then you tend to go into surviving not thriving mode. For me the biggest takeaway from this question is the need to establish and follow a routine period.
I have great intentions when it comes to having a routine. However, there’s two obstacles that tend to get in my way. One, if I get invited to do something fun, I have a hard time saying no even if it goes against original plans. Two, when there are only loosely established plans, I tend to throw in as many things as possible. This just leads to chaos. Along with both of these I’m also easily distracted by becoming hyper focused on things that aren’t important.
So, I suppose my answer to today’s daily question is when I establish and follow a routine, I’ll let you know what I skip!
When you become a parent, one of the things that modern society likes to imply is that you can easily balance everything in your life. There is the implication of you can work full time, feel like a stellar parent, have plenty of time for a romantic life, and so on and so forth. Here’s the truth and the secret to my seemingly so well balanced parent life: the idea that you can have it all in equal proportion is pure BS.
Think of it from a mathematical standpoint. If you are trying to balance 4 things equally in a 24 hour period, then you have to be able to devote six hours to each one of those things. Wait! You have necessities that have to be done such as sleeping, eating, and showering. Suppose those take 8 hours per day. That leaves you with 16 hours per day which would allot only 4 hours for each of those things. If you only applied 4 hours a day to your job, your boss would probably get irritated with you pretty quickly especially if they are paying you for 8 hours per day. While this isn’t a perfect example, do you see why you can’t equally balance your priorities?
This is where prioritizing the things that are important to you comes into play. If you’re rolling your eyes because you’re thinking well she’s a work from home mom, so this is easy for her to do, I ask you to take a moment and reflect on what’s preventing you from having an open mind. Having an open mind about your priorities is actually a key to finding balance. For you to find balance as a parent, one of the things you have to think about is what your priorities truly are. Obviously, a main priority is being able to provide financially for ones family. I think most everyone would agree on that. But what are your priorities after that? Do you put keeping a clean house over playing with your child? Do you put making coffee with your SO every night above sitting down and watching TV by yourself while they are in another room? Do you make it a priority to go on dates with your SO even if you’ve been married for a long timed? Once you decide on what the priorities are that will make you feel balanced and complete, then you can move on to implementing your balanced life as a parent.
For me, balance comes from having a Six Most Important things to do list every day. I actually divide my list in order of my priorities which tend to be Faith, Family, Work from Home, and Me Time. If you find that there is little or no fun in your life, then I highly recommend you invest in the Me time. Life is short, so you need to have fun! After looking at those things, I put what the most important thing is that needs to happen for each. Usually Faith has something like prayer, read a religious or spiritual text, and silent reflection. Family has things like School (we homeschool and try to spend at least two hours a day on lessons), Daily Chores (I have specific chores assigned to specific days of the week), and then any other errands that need to be done (call and schedule this appointment, go to the park, etc). The other two totally depend on what I’m doing at the time for those tasks. Sometimes my Work from Home says tutor while other times it is tasks for my DS business. One night a week it is designing journals for Letters & Lore (thegreatkaysby.com/letters-lore). My Me Time has been known to have things like paint, watch a movie, play video games, shave your legs, and paint your nails. Both of those are reflective of what is happening at the time. Does everything get done on my list each day? Nope. Shit happens. Sometimes you don’t find yourself able to get everything done. So how can that still make you feel balanced? Circle it and put it at the top of tomorrow’s list!
The last part of my secret to balanced parent life is to listen to your child(ren). This one is something I’m working to improve as I can feel easily overwhelmed and shutdown when things don’t go exactly as planned. However, your little one won’t remember that they went to bed while there was dirty dishes in the sink. They will remember that you had dinner late because the family took time to play a board game together. Likewise, they won’t remember that you didn’t vacuum this week. They will remember that you took two hours to play outside or spent time decorating the house for a holiday together. Along the same lines, they won’t remember that your car had peanut butter crackers smashed in the floorboard. They will remember the trips to the playground, going on hikes, and driving around to look at the changing leaves. Learning to listen to my child has been one of the best ways to find balance as a parent. By the way, this is also applicable to your SO. Listen to them and their cues both verbal and non-verbal. They need you too!
So there you go. Call it “Tip Tuesday” or just some general life advice, whatever you want to call it. Take the advice or leave it. But know that I didn’t do everything on my to list today because this seemed more important to share. I’ve long been told we teach on what we need to learn, so maybe I needed this more today than completing a list.
Two and a half years ago, I was co-teaching a sophomore English Lit class, and we were studying the works of Richard Blanco. If you’re not familiar with his works, he writes a lot of poetry that really gets you thinking about a variety of topics some of which people don’t like to mention. At the time that I was teaching about him, our country was in the middle of much turmoil itself. Covid was still RAMPANT, and vaccines were just starting to be given. There was a lot of rioting spurred by attitudes focused around the sentiment of “You can’t tell me what to do! Unless I don’t like what you’re doing then I’m going to tell you what to do!” With encouragement provided by the media, everything happening in the world felt like it was close to imploding. Inspired by Blanco, I found myself writing the following:
Constitutional Rights?
The Constitution says we have freedom of religion. This isn’t a right to use religion to exclude others. This isn’t a right to persecute those with different beliefs. This isn’t a right to act superior over others because of religious differences.
The Constitution says we have freedom of speech. This isn’t a right to allow students to cuss their teachers. This isn’t a right to give permission to use racial slurs. This isn’t a greenlight for verbal assault.
The Constitution says we have a right to bear arms. This isn’t a justification for needing assault weapons in your home. This isn’t an excuse for taking lives in the name of “self defense.” This isn’t a reason to make a mockery with photos of children holding guns.
The Constitution says no soldier shall be quartered in any house without owner’s consent. This isn’t a way of saying don’t open your home to those in need. This isn’t a reason to avoid helping homeless Veterans. This isn’t indicating that we should keep all people out of our lives.
The Constitution says we have a right to not be a witness against ourselves in criminal cases. This isn’t a way to get out of admitting when you’ve done wrong. This isn’t designed to be said as an excuse with a shit eating grin. This isn’t a justification to do as you damn well please without concern for others.
The Constitutions says we have a right to a speedy public trial with an impartial jury. This isn’t a right for “the law” to convict unequally based on race, gender, economic class, or sexual orientation. This isn’t a vehicle for inflicting personal prejudice on a possible criminals. This isn’t a process to apply unequally because of someone’s biased reason behind their actions.
The Constitution says we have a right to peaceful protest. This isn’t a weapon for silencing those who don’t agree with your biased opinion. This doesn’t mean you can riot violently in the name of Civil Disobedience. This isn’t a way to further your unconstitutional agenda.
Until recently I had forgotten that I wrote this. Then I found the handwritten copy in a stack of other papers on my desk. I kept putting it to the side, and it kept resurfacing. Finally, I took that as a sign that this is meant to be shared. When I wrote it, I didn’t have the confidence to share this with anyone because I hate to stir up conflict. However, I want those around me to never be afraid to voice their truths, and I believe in leading by example.
I love Jigsaw Puzzles. I’ve enjoyed putting together puzzles for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I’ve completed easy ones, difficult ones, ones with missing pieces, etc. Recently I’ve gotten into solving puzzles online. These are challenging because they are timed and have various degrees of difficulty: easy, normal, and expert. I had been sticking to easy and some normal, but yesterday I tried expert. When I solved it, I thought of how puzzles are a metaphor for life.
Think about it. How many of us whether it is intentional or not find ourselves living our lives on easy mode? After all, easy mode is the one that takes the least effort while providing satisfactory, adequate outcomes. Even those of us who have big dreams can find ourselves stuck in easy mode from laziness, fear, etc. Until we get unstuck and switch to expert mode, our dreams will never become a reality.
So how do we switch? For me it is a lot of telling myself things like “short term sacrifice for long term gain” and “work hard so you can play hard” coupled with extreme planning! When I’m in expert mode, I plan like a maniac. At this point I’m great at the planning, but often the execution lands me back in easy mode. It’s not because I don’t want to be in expert mode and experiencing abundant success; it’s because I get inside my own head and shutdown.
Getting inside my head is my biggest issue with success in my Direct Selling business. Sometimes that mindset finds its way into other things like solving the puzzle on expert mode. I almost didn’t try expert mode because I was sure I would fail, but a little voice inside my head convinced me to try. After all with a puzzle online, if I failed I could just try again. Then I got to thinking. This is also true of the path to success in life. It is better to stumble, fall, and get back up than to not even try.
The conclusion? It’s time to try expert mode in a variety of things not just puzzles!
Most people have heard of the concept called the “Circle of Control.” Within this concept there is a circle in the middle of a blank space. Inside the circle is written things that you can personally control, and outside of the circle is written the things that you cannot control that cause you stress. For example, you can control if you go out and check the mail so that would be on the inside of the circle. However, you cannot control what shows up in your mailbox on a given day so that would be on the outside of the circle. These examples are trivial in comparison to most of life’s stressors, but you get the concept.
The concept of the “Circle of Control” is something I try to remind myself of a lot. At times I can have a tendency to get overly emotional about things that are completely out of my control. (Keep in mind I’m not talking about tragic kinds of things.) When this happens, I try to remind myself of the circle, but I have found that there are a couple of flaws with it. The biggest is that I am part of a generation where we were very much as a whole taught to never show emotion or ask for help because these are perceived as signs of weakness. Which I now realize might be the kind of thought process that made me prefer to get bad grades as opposed to ask for help in Calculus. Anyway, getting away from this line of thought to a more healthy one isn’t easy, but it has become a goal for me as I want to be a good example for LilKsby.
So I got to thinking…what if instead of a “Circle of Control” there is a “Spectrum of Sparkle”? Why a spectrum? Because I have realized that there are a lot of things in my life that have aspects I can control while also having aspects that rely on others. With the circle concept, the two are completely separate. However, I’ve come to believe that the biggest success to emotional control lies on a spectrum where you find balance between knowing what you can control and learning to cope with what you can’t as opposed to being told to just let it go. On the “Spectrum of Sparkle” you could start by listing various aspects of your life such as faith, family, friends, you, and avenues of income. Then you could list under that the things that you have complete control over such as silent mediation time, your family chores, your daily habits, etc. Beneath those you could list the things that are partially in your control but also not. These would be things like you can control what days you go to the grocery pickup, but you can’t control how long it will take to get your order. Just knowing what these things are can help you know how to cope with them which can lead to better emotional management. Finally, list the things that are totally out of your control. These can be things that are obviously out of your control like “I can’t control the weather,” or they can be things that are personal like, “I can’t let how someone reacts to my decision ruin how excited I am about it.” One of the hardest lessons to learn for people like me who are super easily excitable is that not everyone is going to be excited as you are and as happy about something as you are. You also have to learn that you cannot control other people. You have to let people live their lives how they want even when you (a) think you know better for them or (b) disagree with their decisions. You can 100% love someone and not agree with everything they do. That’s called being a Golden Rule person.
Now that I’ve answered “why a spectrum?” I feel the need to answer “why of sparkle?” Well for one I like sparkly things. Two, the things that we get the most passionate and upset about are usually the things that make us sparkle and shine inside and out. It’s also important to know that those things can take an emotional toll on us, and we should recognize that even things that make us sparkle have parts that our out of our control. Until the next time!
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among stars” is a quote often attributed to Norman Vincent Peale. When you Google it, a lot of people have said the quote and fully determining its origin seems rather impossible From time to time, I have even said this quote when speaking with people. In fact, one year when I was still teaching, I had this quote on my classroom door as an attempt to motivate students to do their best. Along with me other great minds like those of Oscar Wilde, Brian Littrell (the recent Savannah Bananas intro is a sure sign of his genius), Mary Kay Ash, and Les Brown have said this same quote at some point in their respective careers. Since the first time I heard this quote, I have loved that it is so simplistic while at the same time being extremely deep. To think that if you try your hardest, even if you come short of the goal, you will have had so much success in the process!
Lately I have been wanting to blog a lot, but I have found that I haven’t had a lot of deep, meaningful pieces of wisdom to share. Instead of just blogging anyway which could have lead to inspirational pieces, I’ve been doing a lot of other activities. Some of the activities were just for fun like summer vacation, visits with friends, a road trip to IKEA (when the nearest one is three hours away, traveling there totally counts as a road trip), amusement park trips, and more. However, other activities have been like shooting for the moon and landing among the stars. These are the activities that took some getting out of my comfort zone, time, and effort; these are the activities that are life changing.
The first activity that was life changing involved the State Fair. If you’ve read my blog since 2018, then you know that I have always enjoyed the State Fair for the food. What you may not have known is that I have always dreamed of entering the competitions at the State Fair. I’ve talked about it for years, and for years I never did anything about it. This year – as part of my mission to be more fearless at forty than ever before – I finally entered the State Fair. I shot for the moon by entering two photos, five scrapbook pages, and two sewing pieces. One of the photos advanced to the final round of judging, and one of the sewing pieces placed second in the category. More importantly than the outcomes from the judges, were the outcomes that I felt from landing among the stars. Just from finally entering the State Fair, I was reminded of just how much I enjoy my various hobbies. I find them relaxing, and I find that I love creating. Seeing pieces come together to create a whole when you are working on a project is so satisfying! If you’re an artisan, you know exactly what I mean. The biggest star from finally entering? It made me want to do more next year! In fact, I’ve already started planning some pieces. For someone with time management and organization issues, this planning “star” might just be the most important takeaway I could have from finally entering!
My second life changing activity has to do with overcoming fear of not being in control. Back story here, you have to understand that I have always said that I hate flying and am afraid of it. Some of this was probably rooted in the fact that my first flight when I was twelve was in one of those like three passenger planes. It was a short trip, but the plane shook a lot and though the views were cool, the overall experience was terrifying. It took me another twelve years to get back on a plane, and when I did, I realized that flying wasn’t as bad as I had made it out to be. However, I still did not like it. I just always felt safer driving myself than trusting my life to a pilot that I’ve never met. This summer after another 16 years, I got on a plane again. I wasn’t overly thrilled by it, and at times leading up to the travel, I was sure that something was going to go horrifically wrong. However, I knew that taking a plane trip was going to be the only way that I could attend a business conference while minimizing the time away from home. On some levels the fact that I was even willing to book the flight was like landing among the stars before the trip even occurred!
Fast forward to the trip occurring. When I booked my flights, I purposefully booked aisle seats so that I wouldn’t have to look out the window. I thought this might help me to be able to pretend that I was in a car or on a train instead of flying in a plane. For the majority of the flight there, I kept trying to look out the window. So on my way back, I actually switched my seat to a window seat. Guess what? I was mesmerized the entire flight home! The world looked so beautiful from the plane! Also, I know it sounds cliché, but I felt so close to Heaven and calm while flying. I felt like this trip finally made me feel at peace with flying, and I look forward to what doors this willingness will open for me! I’m so thankful that instead of landing on moon by staying in my driving comfort zone, I landed among stars and now feel like I can do anything!
Finally, one recent final activity has been like landing among stars. For as long as I can remember, I have had an interest in writing and journaling. Shocker right that someone who blogs would be interested in these things? I’ve also always wanted to somehow find a way to publish some of my original ideas. I’ve not really wanted to make a lot of money of it, but I always thought it would be cool to see something I contributed to in print. Through a collaboration with Letters & Lore (checkout the new page on my site about them), I am getting to do just that! I’m not sure what will come of it, but just the learning process has been fun. Even if we don’t make it to the moon, the stars we’re landing among are amazing!
Wow! I wrote a lot more about this than I thought I would, and it is getting late. I have an early class tomorrow (side note, taking free classes has also led to star like growth), and I should try and get some rest. I hope this inspires you to shoot for the moon, but if nothing else, this blog is getting me back in the groove!
The Great Kaysby 