"My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea, and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me." – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
When I was a little kid, I remember flying a kite with my dad in our field. As we played, the kite string broke, and the kite flew away. I was heartbroken! I threw such a fit that my dad pacified me by taking me on a car ride to find the kite. We never found it, and I was devastated. From that moment, I was CONVINCED that I hated flying kites.
Fast forward 30 (or more) years…
Mr Kisby gets a box from Amazon, and says he has a family surprise. Guess what it was? A kite! Immediately I had flashbacks and thought, “ugh, I hate kites.” However, as parents often do, I put on a happy face so that LilKsby would love the kite. A few days later we went to the park, and we flew the kite. To my surprise, I LOVED flying the kite! Watching it soar in the wind, while I laughed squeals of delight and ran around with LilKsby, was a great time!
That joy got me to thinking, did I really hate kites this whole time? No. What I hated was the memory of losing something. The hate of losing has become a life long trend. As I thought about it, I realized that I have allowed a hate of loss to be the reason I fear doing something. Then I remembered that if we let fear run our lives, we will miss out on a lot of great opportunities. Having faith over fear is a hard lesson to practice, and I think that we have to constantly remind ourselves to use it. As a parent, I frequently tell myself to not show fear of certain things because I don’t want my child to pick up on these fears and miss out. That’s a huge catalyst for me, and why I keep striving to live more fearlessly.
I know that’s a huge lesson to get from a kite, but don’t we find the greatest lessons when we aren’t even looking for them?
Today in one of my classes, we had the students complete a quick write over the hopes and dreams of the lower class versus those of affluence. We gave them two minutes to write, and then we discussed it as a group. I’ve been thinking about this topic ever since this morning, and I feel the need to elaborate on it. The italicized portion is my initial quick write.
The hopes and dreams of the lower class and the affluent may appear the same on a surface level. Everyone wants a roof over their head, plenty of food on the table, enough money to cover their bills, and a better life than the previous generation. However, when digging deeper, the hopes and dreams are very different. For the lower class hopes and dreams may be as simple as a first family member attending and graduating college or joining the military for steady work. On the contrast the more affluent may dream of trips that cost a lower class person’s yearly salary or having more material items.
The more I thought about this topic today; the more I thought about the influence that people of affluence have on the lower classes. I immediately thought of negative or falsified influence. For example, you see the pictures in some magazines and on some websites that taut how celebs are just like us “regular” people. These pictures will be of things like celebrities going to the grocery, working out, or shopping for clothes. On the surface it seems great that “regular” people have something in common with millionaires, but is this accurate? I consider myself a pretty “regular” person, but what a celebrity looks like grocery shopping is totally different than what I look like. First of all, I’m typically shopping for the store brand (aka team Great Value) whereas they are shopping fancy pants brands that I have to Google to know what they are. Likewise, when I work out, it is either at home or outdoors in my spare time. The just like me celebs on the other hand are working out two hours a day with a personal trainer for multiple days a week at their five star gym. Aside from the fact that we’re exercising, we really don’t have anything else in common here. The same could be said for shopping for clothes. I’m happy to shop at Ross and find a bargain while the “just like me” celeb is shopping brands that cost more than my mortgage. Thankfully, I’m happy with my “regular” status, but I feel like some people are negatively influenced by this affluence. Some people tend to rate their personal worth by how they compare with someone of affluence.
Along the same lines, I think it is important to establish that hopes and dreams don’t all involve material things often touted by those of affluence. As an example, I don’t need a new Bentley every year for my birthday. I’m happy to get a new (or even new to me) Kia every ten years. More important to me are dreams like financing LilKsby’s education, taking fun (not necessarily lavish trips) with him and Mr Kisby, and not having to stress about paying bills on time. I don’t need a private jet or an entourage to make myself feel fulfilled in life. Are there big things I’d like to do? Sure. But my life isn’t tragic without them.
All this said, I realize that there are people of affluence that do positive things with their money like donate to charity, finance missions, etc. I’m very thankful for these actions! In fact, I would love to see more about this kind of affluence than so and so’s latest trip to their private island. What do you think about the influence of affluence?
Growing up it was always emphasized to my generation that women can be anything they want. They can have a career; in fact they can have any career a man can have perhaps with the exception of penis model. They can live on their own and live the single life ala Sex and the City; they can live with roommates; they can cohabitate with a domestic partner. They can even go the more traditional route and pursue marriage and children. At some point, I’ve pretty much covered all these bases with feeling totally fine about the fact that I can’t be a penis model. Although for me the single life was nothing like Sex and the City, partially because I prefer video games to bars.
The most fulfilling of all the things I’ve been? The role of mama! There’s truly nothing like it! As a working mama and wife, I’m not good at doing the traditional “wife jobs”. Partially because I don’t have a lot of time, but also because I’m not big on a lot of domestic things. My restaurant receipts alone will tell you that I’m more Stephanie Plum than Samantha Stephens in the kitchen! Many may think that the shear fact that women like me can have it all is all we want. However, while I enjoy having the possibilities, there are other things I want as a working mama!
The number one thing I want as a working mama? The gift of time with my family. On a typical work day, I leave at 7 am and pick LilKsby up between 4 and 4:30. That’s 9 to 9 1/2 hours without him. When we get home, we have dinner, bath, and he is usually asleep by 7. This means when you factor in the half hour I see him before work, I only see my child for approximately 3 1/2 hours per day five days a week. That’s not the kind of math I like. So, my number one want? More time with family!
I also want to have an irrational emotional/mental meltdown every once in a while as someone listens to me vent. I am very lucky to have Mr Kisby and friends that allow this. If I didn’t, I might go crazy. The feeling split between being a great employee (especially in a field that requires a great deal of compassion and is constantly being put down and under minded by legislation) and being the best mama and spouse possible can be exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am amazed at the people who do it without ever having a come apart because I’ve got to let it out sometimes!
The last thing I want? This one may sound selfish, but self care isn’t selfish. I need time to just be me. It’s really easy to forget who you are when you’re consumed by being a mama, wife, and worker. It can be easy to lose yourself when you’re busy taking care of other people. That’s why I think it’s important to take time and enjoy things you like doing. This is why I read, write, create, and play video games. It’s important to me to still have time for things that I enjoy; it’s important to have time for the things that make me who I am! I truly believe that when I am my best me, then I can be my best in every other role that I have!
I could get into a lot more universal issues that I want as a working mama, but I feel like those pertain to lots of mamas and not just me. Maybe other mamas have the same wants as me. Maybe I just wanted to write about my thoughts today. Either way, I hope this some inspires you or helps you reflect on what you want.
2022 knows how to punch us while we’re down, am I right? Omicron is ravaging us, we’re mourning Bob, the weather is causing chaos, and this morning 2022 got us again when we woke up to the news of the death of Meat Loaf. I’m glad the weather had already cancelled school because I wouldn’t have been worth a hill of beans if I’d have had to work. Instead of doing anything productive, I spent the morning listening to Meat Loaf and reminiscing on great memories connected to his music.
Hot Patootie – my first experience with Meat Loaf came when I was 15. Me and some friends closed ourselves in our drama teacher’s office and watched part of The Rocky Horror Picture Show because a couple of us had never seen it. I enjoyed the beginning of the movie so much that I begged my parents to rent the VHS from Video Vault that weekend so I could finish it. For most people, Tim Curry is the scene stealer in the movie, but for me it was Eddie as I was yet to know Meat Loaf’s name. I totally understood why Columbia “very nearly loved him” over Frank.
Paradise By the Dashboard Lights – Following my enjoyment of RHPS, my aunt introduced me to the music of Meat Loaf. The first song she played for me was Paradise. As a teenager I didn’t want to admit to liking “old music”, but there was something about this epic length song (seriously I think Jim invented extended editions) with full on make out and sex noises brilliantly scripted to a baseball announcer that hooked you. The lyrics and emotions were raw, and the instrumental rifts were unprecedented. Needless to say, the next CD I bought for myself was Bat Out of Hell.
Bat Out of Hell – The album was epic! From the time I bought it, we would measure car trips by the number of songs you could listen to during the trip. Driving to school or work? One or two songs depending on traffic. Going to Grandma’s? The album would get us most of the way through Indiana! Me and my parents would crank it up and sing/yell all the words! Later in life this album and the music of Meat Loaf would become one of the first things me and Mr Kisby realized we like in common! You could say that Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth!
Life Is a Lemon – A lot of people don’t know the Meat Loaf songs that came out between Bat Out of Hell and Bat Out of Hell II, but they are some of my favorites. I was particularly shocked to be on a car trip and the buddy riding with me knew the words to Life Is a Lemon. That was so cool! That also became the day we jammed to Meat Loaf while out driving a tornado! Side note, the best way to celebrate out driving a tornado is stopping at White Castle!
I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) – So many memories of this one! Remember the jukebox at Pizza Hut? Did anyone else have to stick around until this played because they had paid a quarter for it? I also remember this being the first dance song at a friends wedding. We got to watch them for 13 minutes as the twirled around the dance floor all smiling and googly eyed. But my best memory of this song? Four days before LilKsby was born, I was singing Karaoke, and this was my favorite song that I sang that night! Somewhere there’s a video of me with my big preggo belly singing away!
VH1 Storytellers – Now I realize that if you’re under 30, you’re probably thinking what is VH1? It’s where all the good music shows were aside from TRL. The Meat Loaf episode of Storytellers is amazing! I already knew his songs were great, but the stories behind them make them even more phenomenal! I’m not going to spoil the stories, so just check them out on Spotify. Keep in mind the whole episode only had one scripted line: “Welcome to Storytellers.” The rest is just Meat Loaf being real and doing the thing his music did best: tell stories.
I could talk for hours about all of my memories with Meat Loaf songs, but after all of these paragraphs, I imagine you might be getting bored. Also, my phone is almost out of battery. Until my next post, I challenge you to crank up some Meat Loaf, keep rocking, and keep living “like a bat out of hell”!
Let me say what I know a lot of people are thinking today: I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Negative Nellies will see that statement and think things such as “She’s just lazy and wants to sleep in” or “She’s so selfish! She just had two weeks off”. However, that’s not the case. Just as I know this isn’t the case for all of the people I’ve seen on my social media saying they are depressed about returning to work, have almost cried today over returning, etc. The real of reality is that the core values for work force members are changing abs the values of many employers are not.
For a few decades following the Great Depression, it seems as though the reality of why people worked was solely for a paycheck. They wanted to go to work, make enough money to ensure their family lived adequately, and be able to retire with the pension they knew they would get for x years of service. This reality made employer’s very happy because it meant people working long hours which tends to lead to higher profits.
For members of today’s work force, priorities are changing. Our (I use this in a general sense knowing that it doesn’t apply to every single person) reality is that we want to be valued as people and not just a faceless, nameless human among the masses. We want to feel as though our employers care about our mental and physical health; we want to feel like our priorities that put family above career are important. We are tired of being made to feel guilty for attempting to prioritize our health, the needs of our families, and for wanting people to care more about the well being of others than a profit margin. At the end of the day, many of us are willing to work one, two, or even three jobs for an employer who cares and allows us to live by our priorities as opposed to working for one employer who doesn’t treat us like a person. We’ve realized that happiness and wellness are more important than a paycheck!
For me personally, the real of reality means being away from LilKsby and Mr Kisby, who I’ve spent the last two weeks with except for about five hours, for 9 hours a day. I’ll get to see them for 30 minutes in the morning, then we will have maybe 3 hours before LilKsby goes to bed because he doesn’t nap at daycare. That’s 3 and a half hours with the sweetest most precious boy in the whole world. It’s maybe 5 hours with Mr Kisby, but usually less because of cleaning and prepping for the next day. For someone who believes family is more important than a career, do you see why it’s hard for me to want to return to work even to a job I enjoy? I know I’m not the only mama who feels this way!
So that is the way I see the real of reality. Factor in Covid related anxiety’s with how I’m going to miss my family like crazy, and there you have it. Am I hoping to win the Powerball? Yup. Does that mean I don’t love what I do? Nope. I just love being mama and wife more than employee. Anyone else agree with this real of reality?
From a young age we are taught the importance of independence. We are taught how important it is to be self reliant and not need the help of others. In a lot of instances this is true. It’s good to be able to take care of your own hygiene needs; it’s good to be able to cook for yourself; it’s good to be able to take care of your own basic daily living needs. However, there are times in our lives when we are stronger together and having people work together accomplishes more than an individual can achieve. The Tornadoes of December 10 and 11 are a great example of people being stronger together!
December 10 started out as an ordinary day for me. I was going to work, and that night I planned to have LilKsby watch Santa come by on the fire truck that night. During my second block class, students started asking me if I thought there would be tornadoes that night. I’m not big on paying attention tothe weather – that is more of Mr Kisby’s department – so I said “oh I don’t know”. As the day went on, I realized the threat of storms was very really. When the fire department preventively cancels Santa, you know the weather is going to be bad! The threat quickly became reality as around 10:15 the first tornado warning – yes first – was issued for our area. While taking cover in our basement, I first noticed how important being stronger together in a disaster is. I can’t count how many people were posting about the warnings on social media to make sure everyone was informed. I also can’t tell you how many messages I saw asking if people were accounted for or people saying they were safe. Even once the first warning expired, people were checking in one another making sure everyone had what they needed and offering help as they could.
Two hours later, the second warning was issued. I was sure that this time we would be hit. By pure luck and helpful geography, we were spared. However many were not so lucky. It turned out that during 24 hours and 11 minutes on December 10 and 11, there were 61 tornadoes from the storm system including the Quad State Tornado and the Tornado Family that damaged much of Western Kentucky. The destruction that was seen by the late of day on December 11 was incomprehensible even with pictorial evidence. The light of day was devastating to say the least. However, the devastation once again proved that people are stronger together.
How did a tornado outbreak prove people were stronger together? Simple, people have come together by the multitude to help. Organizations have spear headed donation drives and taken semi truck loads of needed items like diapers, baby wipes, water, personal hygiene items, etc to the impacted areas. Small business owners of food trucks have driven hours to go Western Kentucky just to give free meals to those in need. I’ve heard of people donating blood; I’ve heard of people taking their excavators to help go through the rumble. I’ve seen personal vehicles lined up to take donations to drop off points. I’ve seen people open their homes to serve meals. Dollar donations have also been amazing! The support of people uniting to help is proof that even though we are taught to be independent that we are stronger together!
As time goes forward and areas begin to heal from the devastation, I hope that the importance of stronger together will remain. I hope that we will continue to be stronger together in everyday life and not just during tragedies.
The day’s festivities have come to a close, and I find myself in that weird post holiday celebration mode of “What am I supposed to be doing?” You don’t want to just go to bed because it is still super early, but at the same time you don’t want to do anything mentally taxing because it has been a relaxing day. Anyone else in this mode?
Before the pandemic, I would have been trying to go to bed by 10, so that getting up at 4 to go shopping still meant getting 6 hours of asleep! I never would be in bed that early because I’d be too busy picking out the best deals and strategizing what to get. This year even though we occasionally take LilKsby out to non-crowded places, we’re still not taking him out like pre-pandemic because toddlers can’t get vaccinated, and he only keeps his mask on for like three minutes. That said, it really surprised me how much I miss this part of Thanksgiving night! I’ve been lamenting it so much that this evening that Mr Kisby even asked me if I want to go shopping tomorrow. I told him no because I don’t really want to go in stores; I just like the idea of it.
Truth be told, I hadn’t even thought about actually going shopping until this week. The catalyst for change? I went to a funeral visitation for one of my professional mentors. They weren’t very old, and they were a big reason I am where I am today professionally. Their passing has been a reminder of just how precious life is, and how important it is to spend your time doing the things you enjoy with those you love. Even though what you enjoy may seem trivial to others, take time to do it!
I know that I am not the only person coping with loss this week. My hope is that as all of those who are healing from loss find comfort and know that while their hearts will always ache, it will become easier. (I know first hand that holidays after loss can be hard, but they do get easier with time.) I hope that everyone will find a way to do something that brings them joy if not today or tomorrow then one day soon. If this means going shopping, then I hope you shop! If this means singing in the shower so loudly that your throat hurts, I hope you sing your heart out! If this means walking alone in the woods to clear your mind, I hope you walk!
I know that this is some deep thinking for a day usually spent pondering family, food, naps, and TV, but sometimes we just have to get our thoughts out! What things are you thinking about on Thanksgiving night?
Thanksgiving is only two days from today, and I want to make a bold and probably unpopular statement: Thanksgiving is about more than food.
People who know me will probably be quick to think my statement is because I don’t like Thanksgiving food. Admittedly, I’m not a fan of whole turkeys; I don’t like real mashed potatoes; stuffing that has been inside the bird disgusts me; I find pumpkin pie to have too much pumpkin flavor. Oh, and I’m allergic to sweet potatoes. Additionally, as not the biggest fan of cooking, I struggle with the concept of a meal that takes days to cook and minutes to eat. However, this is not why I believe Thanksgiving is more than food.
In my years – 38 of them – I remember a lot of Thanksgivings. I vaguely remember sitting around tables, but I can’t tell you what all was part of the spread. Do you know what I remember about the table portion? Being allowed sips of wine from Grandma’s special goblets as a teenager. That’s about it.
For me, Thanksgiving was always about doing things with my family. Some years this meant Thanksgiving was about lottery tickets. After eating, we would sit in my grandma’s living room and play scratch offs (we liked scratch offs the way some people like watching football). We would start with like $30 worth. Once they were scratched, we’d walk over to the gas station and buy more with the winnings plus a little extra if needed to get the number of tickets divisible by six (the number of people in the family). We’d continue the cycle until there were either no winnings left or the winnings were so big that the winner didn’t want to share.
If we traveled to see my mom’s family, there weren’t lottery tickets. There also wasn’t wine for that matter. However, there was playing with cousins during a time that wasn’t summer and listening to my grandpa sing Christmas carols as my aunt played piano. There was also the time my uncle’s neighbor accidentally ran over himself while fixing his car. I missed the action because I was in the bathroom, but I’m pleased to report the guy was okay!
Traditionally in our house Thanksgiving has also been about planning our Black Friday shopping. Black Friday is the only day of the year I enjoy shopping because I like deals and the competitive treasure hunt aspect of Black Friday shopping. Back in the days before Covid, we’d spend hours looking at the ads and making a game plan. I was great at organizing who had the best sales at what times and creating a shopping agenda. I’m also phenomenal at the online follow up for things we couldn’t find in the stores! Covid has obviously changed our Black Friday shopping, but there’s always online!!!
For me, Thanksgiving is about more than food. For me, Thanksgiving is about time with family and enjoying that time together. Time is more precious than turkey ever will be! No matter the opinions of others on the matter, my mind is made up.
I’m by far not a Transcendentalist. I tend to function better when I have a set routine, and even though I have a unique sense of style there is nothing groundbreaking about how I dress. I’m also too concerned with covering the amount of gray in my hair to say that I march to the beat of my own drummer. Even the unpopular things I’ve been involved with throughout my life such as theatre, medieval reenactment, playing video games, playing tabletop games, and writing have somehow become mainstream. However, there is one part of transcendentalism that I totally get: nature.
For me nature is where I go to unplug and recharge. (Unplug is kind of a loose term, but I’ll explain that in a minute.) There is something about being out in nature whether it is hiking, swimming, or sitting in a cabin looking out at the trees that helps me to feel peaceful and relaxed. This weekend was spent sitting in a cabin in the woods surrounded by family, and I can say that I haven’t felt this relaxed going into a work week since last May when a weekend was spent in a cabin in the woods! It was wonderful to unplug from all of the responsibilities of home! I don’t know about everyone else, but I struggle to truly relax at home. Even when I’m reading, writing, sewing, etc there is always that voice in the back of my head saying “You should be doing x, y, and z!” With that mantra in my head, it’s impossible to be totally serene at home. However, in a cabin, I can unplug that little voice and relax!
Relax and unplug for me is probably different than a lot of people. I still played on my phone while unplugging, and I still used my laptop. The difference is that instead of working, I used my devices to research things I would like for Christmas, order Christmas pajamas, and look at gifts for LilKsby. Not a bit of work was done! I also finished one book, read another book, and started a third one (all Stephanie Plum novels)! My only to do tasks all weekend were eat, hangout with family, and sleep! It was also relaxing to be able to go on a trip without having to go on the interstate. Back roads are way more relaxing! The best part of the weekend? The relaxation has continued even at home tonight. I’m not even stressed about going to work tomorrow!
I’m so thankful that I was able to spend the weekend in nature, unplug from everyday life, and recharge! Are you recharged for the week?
This afternoon Mr Kisby and I had dentist appointments. While he was in his appointment, I started thinking about how different going to the dentist is as a kid. As a kid going to the dentist (or ortho) can be exciting! Not because you’re going to the dentist, but because it means getting out of school early. This leads to getting to play video games sooner (I would’ve picked a Zelda game), having a snack sooner, etc. Even though the dentist part wasn’t fun, it was always fun to get home early!
As an adult going to the dentist is exciting in a different way. For many of us, going to a dentist or doctors appointment requires taking off work either a full or half day. In a perfect world, the portion of the half day not spent at the dentist would be just as fun filled as it was during childhood. However, the world isn’t perfect and frequently any spare time is somehow spent adulting! This was very true for me today! During the time Mr Kisby was in the dentist and I was waiting for my appointment, I managed to drop items off at our local charitable thrift store, purchase air filters for our HVAC system from a local business, drop off recycling, and call two businesses with whom we work! When I was coming out of the local business, it hit me how different going to the dentist is as an adult. Never as a kid would I have imagined that I’d be so excited to get so many errands accomplished in 45 minutes! For that matter as a kid I never knew I’d one day be purchasing air filters! Spoiler, I would’ve been excited as a kid to have a few minutes to read in the parking lot before my appointment like I did today!
Going to the dentist isn’t the only thing that is different from childhood to adulthood. Most things are completely different than when we were too little to worry about money, be concerned with time, and have anxiety over things that are out of our control. I’d say those were the good old days, but I also love hanging out with Mr Kisby and LilKsby too much to believe that! However, at the end of the day, I think it’s important to remember what it was like to be a kid, and sometimes I think we need to embrace it! For me, this currently means I need to check on my Sims!
Do you want to know the secret to happiness? With the caveat that I’m exhausted from last night’s insomnia (see the previous blog), I will tell you a secret to happiness. Are you ready? Here goes…
The secret to happiness is to realize it is okay for the things that bring you happiness to change.
As I write this, I’m lying on bed with LilKsby while he plays educational games on Mr Kisby’s phone. Normally, it doesn’t bring me happiness for him to play on phones because I believe there is a link between screen time and attention span length (I’m a mama not a scientist, so I could be wrong). However, on a day like today when I could go to bed before bath time, it brings me great happiness to just relax with him next to me. On a normal day this might make me feel reminiscent of a sloth, but not today!
This example of day to day happiness variance is not typical; however, it is reminiscent of how what brings us happiness changes throughout life. If you think back on your lifetime, I bet there are things you can think of that used to bring you happiness that no longer do or you’ve simply out grown. For example, Barbies brought me happiness from like 5 to 12. Do I wish Barbies still made me happy? Nope, but I’m glad I enjoyed them and the creativity they fostered while I did!
From about 19 to 29, a game called Amtgard brought me a lot of happiness (along with some headaches literally and figuratively). It’s been almost a decade since I’ve been active with it because it became more of a habit than an activity of happiness. However, I’m EXTREMELY thankful for the time that it brought me happiness and the skill is learned while playing. (Side note, it was stress relieving to get to legally hit people with foam sticks!) Today, I am ABUNDANTLY blessed by the husband and friendships that came from it. Guess what? They still make me happy!
Likewise some of the things I never knew would bring me happiness when I was younger have brought me more joy than I ever could’ve imagined. I am an only child, and I was never around babies much growing up. From this experience, I was sure that I never wanted kids. That is until I met my husband, and I got to see how cool kids were with our niece and nephews. This led to me finding out at 36 that being LilKsby’s mama brings me more happiness than I ever knew possible!
And there you have it. The secret to happiness is realizing that it is okay for the things that bring you happiness to change. So if you find yourself not enjoying something like you used to enjoy it, I challenge you to try something new. Read, paint, start a blog, plan a vacation, start a side hustle…invest in yourself and make time for happiness! Most of all, if you agree with me, pass the secret to happiness on to someone!
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged (April, I think), and it’s been a while since I’ve listened to the song of the same name! I had a goal of blogging more regularly, but that goal didn’t really work out. Why? I haven’t had writer’s block if that’s what you’re thinking. There have been plenty of things that I’ve wanted to write about on my blog. However, with the way things have been in the world, I feel like a lot of the things on my mind would have just led to arguments with readers. Confrontation and arguing are not on my list of favorite things to do, so I’ve kept my thoughts to myself.
That said…deep breath…here’s a little glimpse into what has been on my brain…
Thought 1 – The pandemic is still rearing it’s ugly head! After what seemed like some relief and a calm down in the spring, Delta is dominating the end of summer. If you had asked me in May, I would have told you that I really thought things would be close to “normal” by now. Sadly, I’m wrong and it seems like things are once again going to get worse before they start to stabilize and climb back to “normal”.
Thought 2 – Simone Biles is a hero! She is legit the Greatest Of All Time, and I’m so proud of her putting her mental health first and withdrawing from the Olympic competitions. Simone knew that she could physically hurt herself if she competed, and she made a point of preventing that from happening and prioritizing her mental well being. In the course of this decision, other Team USA members have earned medals that may not have done so. Simone has also brought light to an area that needs lots of awareness: mental health awareness! Did I mention that she deals daily with ADHD and the trauma of sexual abuse? Simone Biles is AMAZING!
Thought 3 – Masks…once I was fully vaccinated, I didn’t know how I would feel about wearing a mask in public still. I went in public a few times without one, and it turns out that I still like masking up. One of the reasons I still like it is because LilKsby isn’t eligible for a vaccine yet. Keeping him safe from the pandemic is still a top priority. Another reason I still like masking up is because I don’t want to inadvertently carry the virus to someone else. Also, breakthrough infections are becoming more and more prevalent. Plus, my mask is kind of a security blanket. It’s kept me safe for over a year, so it’s hard to just take off and leave behind. This is my feeling about masks, and I realize that everyone has their own opinions. All I ask is that you not bully me over my mask.
Thought 4 – Travel…I miss travel! We stayed in a cabin at a state park for a weekend back in May, and it was amazing! Since then we haven’t gone anywhere overnight. We did go the aquarium, IKEA, and Jungle Jim’s on a daytrip, but otherwise we’ve stayed in our little area. Part of my missing travel is to keep looking at future vacation options. I’ve got all kinds of travel plans in my head! I just need to hit the lottery and have the pandemic get under control so that I can feel safe to go!
Thought 5 – The best part about summer break is being home with my little family! I love all of the little things we get to do throughout the day. I love snuggles! I love art time! I love library time! I love sleeping later than usual! I love not having to eat fast because of 20 minute lunch breaks! Summer break is amazing!!! Back to school blues are for real because even though my school life is fun, my mama/wife/family life is always my number one! Another reason I need to win the lottery? Every day could be like summer break!
Wow! That’s a lot of thoughts! Getting them out in writing is very therapeutic and freeing for the mind. I hope that none of my words have offended anyone, and I hope that the posts will become more frequent! I’ve missed blogging!
As another Spring Break comes to a close, there are a multitude of thoughts swirling through my head. Like so many times when this happens, I feel like the best thing to do is attempt to sort them out in writing. Why do it in a blog? Because I’m sure if I’m thinking these things, there is someone else out there who can relate.
Thought 1 – On any given day, you can be both the “picture perfect” mama and “a chicken with her hair on fire” mama. Yesterday, I was the mama who takes the family to the Farmer’s Market in order to shop local and organic. That’s helping other families financially while helping the health of my family! We also did our grocery pickups because we meal plan like champs (even though often the plan gets tweaked midweek when a frozen pizza us substituted into the lineup). Then, we napped for three hours, woke up just in time for bath time, and the realization that we never had dinner. That’s when you go to Dominos in your pajamas with a messy bun and allow your toddler to eat greasy pizza way too late at night while staying up way past their bedtime! This was a great contrast to the “picture perfect” me who had taken the toddler to the library twice earlier in the week, taught him about gardening and growing our own vegetables, and the importance of family outings on nature trails and to the zoo! Spoiler alert, with all that teaching of good things, I may have relied on McDonalds and Burger King a little too much this week! Why both? Because one has $1 drinks and good fries, and the other has Whoppers.
Thought 2 – Flexibility is a way of life. I had these great ambitions of a “self spa” day where I was going to color my hair, do a charcoal mask, and paint my nails. All of these are great thoughts, but when you take a three hour nap while snuggling a toddler who then goes to bed two hours late, the thoughts stay thoughts. For a minute, I was kind of upset about it, then I realized that at least I got a shower and to pluck my eyebrows (they were pretty unsightly…not to mention a dead giveaway that I color my hair when they are thicker). Sometimes it’s the little things that make you smile!
Thought 3 – Does it ever become easier to go back rib work after breaks? Don’t get me wrong. I like my job, but I LOVE being a wife and mom. After a whole week of just getting to be a wife and mom, it is really hard to go back to both. As much as you try, it is really hard to be fully there for both. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has thoughts such as “Did I take the chicken out for dinner?” and “Did I switch the baby’s laundry out?” while at work. Likewise, at home during wife/mom time sometimes I can’t help but think about things that happened at work that day especially if something didn’t get finished that I wanted to complete. Once I get back into the swing of both, it’s always fine. There’s just always that dread the day before returning since it requires sacrificing time with those you love most.
Thought 4 – Why are people so quick to change their tunes based on popular opinions even when they are founded in misconceptions? Just a year ago, the general public was celebrating teachers for their flexibility and quick ability to adapt to non-traditional methods of providing instruction. People were actually talking about how teachers deserved higher pay! Now, some of the same public acts like teachers are horrible, selfish human beings because they put their own families needs first and/or have been anxiety ridden by all the pandemic protocols. FYI…this school year has required more work than any other year in order to meet the needs of all students.
My random thoughts might not make a lot of sense; however, they are a little more sorted out! Just like I knew they would be. 😊 I hope that whatever random thoughts you’re having tonight, you can sort them out too.
Photo from Dominic Hernandez’s FAST FACTS: MATERNITY LEAVE POLICIES ACROSS THE GLOBE
They say you should advocate for what you’re passionate about and attempt to make a change. Since having LilKsby in 2019, I’ve wanted to advocate for better paternity leave in our country. This week, I got a wild hair, and decided to contact my state legislators asking them to do something about improving parental leave. The next day a co-worker sent me a Tweet saying the Louisville Metro Council approved paid parental leave for city employees for twelve weeks following the birth or adoption of a child. Their approval was unanimous! City of Louisville employees are very lucky that the Louisville Metro Council has their back on parental leave. Many people in the United States aren’t so lucky.
Until having LilKsby, I didn’t know much about parental leave. All I knew of it had come from working in the Personnel Department before taking the job I have now. Based on that experience, I assumed that it was the norm to give new mothers six weeks of leave (eight weeks for a C-section) and require the mothers to use either a combination of sick and personal days if they wanted to get paid (and were lucky to have 30-40 to cover the time) or take leave without pay. I had never had reason to look into the policy of other places, so foolishly I made a presumption that this was just how it was everywhere. SHAME ON ME! One should never make presumptions!
My first taste of better parental leave came from Mr Kisby’s job at the time. He was provided with quite the combination of fully and partially paid leave, and he did not have to use any of his vacation time! I was shocked when he told me how good of parental leave his employer provided. His was so good that when you added his time and my time together, LilKsby didn’t have to go to a babysitter until he was three and a half months old!
Since our experience with parental leave, I’ve found myself frequently thinking about the parental leave provided around the world. Did you know that “the United States is the only high-income country, as classified by the World Bank, that does not have paid maternity leave” (Hernandez)? Yes, the United States has employers who provide paid parental leave; however, there is no federally mandated parental leave for births or adoptions. FMLA does cover 12 weeks of unpaid leave for new parents, but the only thing that helps with is securing a position to return to after the time is up. Anyone who has ever had a baby or adopted a child knows that there are A LOT of expenses incurred during parental leave. Unless you’ve been saving for a long time or are willing to rack up debt, going unpaid for 12 weeks is not a viable option for many people.
Here’s another fun thing I learned while on maternity leave with LilKsby that I never knew. Did you know that the recommendations of pediatricians is that babies should not be going out in public until after they’ve had their first vaccinations at 8 weeks old? I didn’t know that! I found it very interesting that pediatricians make this recommendation, yet employers force parents to put their children in daycare at 6 weeks old (or younger) by not paying the new parents beyond that point. Something doesn’t add up with that math!
I can also speak from my own experience that six weeks (or eight weeks in my C-section having case) is not enough for a lot of babies to start breastfeeding consistently and correctly. Our journey was 10 1/2 weeks to achieve accurate breastfeeding. If I hadn’t have been able to fenagle 11 weeks of leave because of summer break and skipping workshops, then we never would’ve achieved the breastfeeding success that I knew would provide the best health for my baby.
I fully realize that not everyone in the world will ever need parental leave. However, I guarantee you that everyone will have a friend or family member that needs to use parental leave at some point. That said, I think it is time that we (everyone who comes across this and all of their family and friends) advocate for better parental leave in this country. America loves to say they are the best at everything, so it is time to make that a reality when it comes to parental leave. I encourage all of my readers to do some research, write to their legislators, and take action to help encourage improvement in the area of parental leave!
I’ll put my soapbox away now. I love you and good night!
Today, I got a “Shot of Hope”! I got my second dose of the Covid vaccine! When I got the first one in February, there was a since of relief that the light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter. Now that I’ve had the second dose, I’m filled with hope!
I am filled with hope to hug people outside of my household soon.
I have hope that friends who haven’t seen their parents and grandparents since last March will get to see them soon.
I have hope that Mr Kisby will be able to get it soon along with all of our loved ones!
I have hope to see people in person that I haven’t felt comfortable visiting since last March.
I have hope that LilKsby will get to safely have play dates.
I have hope to be able to travel without worry so we can show LilKsby the world.
I have hope that we will start hearing more and more survival stories than stories of death or other long term impacts.
I have hope from the “Shot of Hope” that a brighter future will be here in the next few months.
Frankly, it feels AMAZING to have so much hope! For so long it seemed like there was not light at the end of the tunnel; it seemed like the pandemic was never going to come to a state of control (a true end still seems like an impossibility). There was a time when it seemed like we were never going to see people outside of our household or travel ever again. Those times were hard, so to have hope again is an extraordinary feeling!
I hope this extraordinary feeling keeps going; I hope that I can keep from getting brought down by those who don’t share my hope. Believe me, I understand that there are people who do not want to get the vaccine. I understand that there are people who have not been as cautious as me and my family have been. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, whether I agree or not, in any situation. As someone who understands, all I ask is that you don’t rain on my parade of hope. For me, the vaccine gives me hope for a better tomorrow…in a couple of weeks when it’s reached the max level of effectiveness!
The Great Kaysby 