"My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea, and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me." – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I love Jigsaw Puzzles. I’ve enjoyed putting together puzzles for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I’ve completed easy ones, difficult ones, ones with missing pieces, etc. Recently I’ve gotten into solving puzzles online. These are challenging because they are timed and have various degrees of difficulty: easy, normal, and expert. I had been sticking to easy and some normal, but yesterday I tried expert. When I solved it, I thought of how puzzles are a metaphor for life.
Think about it. How many of us whether it is intentional or not find ourselves living our lives on easy mode? After all, easy mode is the one that takes the least effort while providing satisfactory, adequate outcomes. Even those of us who have big dreams can find ourselves stuck in easy mode from laziness, fear, etc. Until we get unstuck and switch to expert mode, our dreams will never become a reality.
So how do we switch? For me it is a lot of telling myself things like “short term sacrifice for long term gain” and “work hard so you can play hard” coupled with extreme planning! When I’m in expert mode, I plan like a maniac. At this point I’m great at the planning, but often the execution lands me back in easy mode. It’s not because I don’t want to be in expert mode and experiencing abundant success; it’s because I get inside my own head and shutdown.
Getting inside my head is my biggest issue with success in my Direct Selling business. Sometimes that mindset finds its way into other things like solving the puzzle on expert mode. I almost didn’t try expert mode because I was sure I would fail, but a little voice inside my head convinced me to try. After all with a puzzle online, if I failed I could just try again. Then I got to thinking. This is also true of the path to success in life. It is better to stumble, fall, and get back up than to not even try.
The conclusion? It’s time to try expert mode in a variety of things not just puzzles!
Most people have heard of the concept called the “Circle of Control.” Within this concept there is a circle in the middle of a blank space. Inside the circle is written things that you can personally control, and outside of the circle is written the things that you cannot control that cause you stress. For example, you can control if you go out and check the mail so that would be on the inside of the circle. However, you cannot control what shows up in your mailbox on a given day so that would be on the outside of the circle. These examples are trivial in comparison to most of life’s stressors, but you get the concept.
The concept of the “Circle of Control” is something I try to remind myself of a lot. At times I can have a tendency to get overly emotional about things that are completely out of my control. (Keep in mind I’m not talking about tragic kinds of things.) When this happens, I try to remind myself of the circle, but I have found that there are a couple of flaws with it. The biggest is that I am part of a generation where we were very much as a whole taught to never show emotion or ask for help because these are perceived as signs of weakness. Which I now realize might be the kind of thought process that made me prefer to get bad grades as opposed to ask for help in Calculus. Anyway, getting away from this line of thought to a more healthy one isn’t easy, but it has become a goal for me as I want to be a good example for LilKsby.
So I got to thinking…what if instead of a “Circle of Control” there is a “Spectrum of Sparkle”? Why a spectrum? Because I have realized that there are a lot of things in my life that have aspects I can control while also having aspects that rely on others. With the circle concept, the two are completely separate. However, I’ve come to believe that the biggest success to emotional control lies on a spectrum where you find balance between knowing what you can control and learning to cope with what you can’t as opposed to being told to just let it go. On the “Spectrum of Sparkle” you could start by listing various aspects of your life such as faith, family, friends, you, and avenues of income. Then you could list under that the things that you have complete control over such as silent mediation time, your family chores, your daily habits, etc. Beneath those you could list the things that are partially in your control but also not. These would be things like you can control what days you go to the grocery pickup, but you can’t control how long it will take to get your order. Just knowing what these things are can help you know how to cope with them which can lead to better emotional management. Finally, list the things that are totally out of your control. These can be things that are obviously out of your control like “I can’t control the weather,” or they can be things that are personal like, “I can’t let how someone reacts to my decision ruin how excited I am about it.” One of the hardest lessons to learn for people like me who are super easily excitable is that not everyone is going to be excited as you are and as happy about something as you are. You also have to learn that you cannot control other people. You have to let people live their lives how they want even when you (a) think you know better for them or (b) disagree with their decisions. You can 100% love someone and not agree with everything they do. That’s called being a Golden Rule person.
Now that I’ve answered “why a spectrum?” I feel the need to answer “why of sparkle?” Well for one I like sparkly things. Two, the things that we get the most passionate and upset about are usually the things that make us sparkle and shine inside and out. It’s also important to know that those things can take an emotional toll on us, and we should recognize that even things that make us sparkle have parts that our out of our control. Until the next time!
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among stars” is a quote often attributed to Norman Vincent Peale. When you Google it, a lot of people have said the quote and fully determining its origin seems rather impossible From time to time, I have even said this quote when speaking with people. In fact, one year when I was still teaching, I had this quote on my classroom door as an attempt to motivate students to do their best. Along with me other great minds like those of Oscar Wilde, Brian Littrell (the recent Savannah Bananas intro is a sure sign of his genius), Mary Kay Ash, and Les Brown have said this same quote at some point in their respective careers. Since the first time I heard this quote, I have loved that it is so simplistic while at the same time being extremely deep. To think that if you try your hardest, even if you come short of the goal, you will have had so much success in the process!
Lately I have been wanting to blog a lot, but I have found that I haven’t had a lot of deep, meaningful pieces of wisdom to share. Instead of just blogging anyway which could have lead to inspirational pieces, I’ve been doing a lot of other activities. Some of the activities were just for fun like summer vacation, visits with friends, a road trip to IKEA (when the nearest one is three hours away, traveling there totally counts as a road trip), amusement park trips, and more. However, other activities have been like shooting for the moon and landing among the stars. These are the activities that took some getting out of my comfort zone, time, and effort; these are the activities that are life changing.
The first activity that was life changing involved the State Fair. If you’ve read my blog since 2018, then you know that I have always enjoyed the State Fair for the food. What you may not have known is that I have always dreamed of entering the competitions at the State Fair. I’ve talked about it for years, and for years I never did anything about it. This year – as part of my mission to be more fearless at forty than ever before – I finally entered the State Fair. I shot for the moon by entering two photos, five scrapbook pages, and two sewing pieces. One of the photos advanced to the final round of judging, and one of the sewing pieces placed second in the category. More importantly than the outcomes from the judges, were the outcomes that I felt from landing among the stars. Just from finally entering the State Fair, I was reminded of just how much I enjoy my various hobbies. I find them relaxing, and I find that I love creating. Seeing pieces come together to create a whole when you are working on a project is so satisfying! If you’re an artisan, you know exactly what I mean. The biggest star from finally entering? It made me want to do more next year! In fact, I’ve already started planning some pieces. For someone with time management and organization issues, this planning “star” might just be the most important takeaway I could have from finally entering!
My second life changing activity has to do with overcoming fear of not being in control. Back story here, you have to understand that I have always said that I hate flying and am afraid of it. Some of this was probably rooted in the fact that my first flight when I was twelve was in one of those like three passenger planes. It was a short trip, but the plane shook a lot and though the views were cool, the overall experience was terrifying. It took me another twelve years to get back on a plane, and when I did, I realized that flying wasn’t as bad as I had made it out to be. However, I still did not like it. I just always felt safer driving myself than trusting my life to a pilot that I’ve never met. This summer after another 16 years, I got on a plane again. I wasn’t overly thrilled by it, and at times leading up to the travel, I was sure that something was going to go horrifically wrong. However, I knew that taking a plane trip was going to be the only way that I could attend a business conference while minimizing the time away from home. On some levels the fact that I was even willing to book the flight was like landing among the stars before the trip even occurred!
Fast forward to the trip occurring. When I booked my flights, I purposefully booked aisle seats so that I wouldn’t have to look out the window. I thought this might help me to be able to pretend that I was in a car or on a train instead of flying in a plane. For the majority of the flight there, I kept trying to look out the window. So on my way back, I actually switched my seat to a window seat. Guess what? I was mesmerized the entire flight home! The world looked so beautiful from the plane! Also, I know it sounds cliché, but I felt so close to Heaven and calm while flying. I felt like this trip finally made me feel at peace with flying, and I look forward to what doors this willingness will open for me! I’m so thankful that instead of landing on moon by staying in my driving comfort zone, I landed among stars and now feel like I can do anything!
Finally, one recent final activity has been like landing among stars. For as long as I can remember, I have had an interest in writing and journaling. Shocker right that someone who blogs would be interested in these things? I’ve also always wanted to somehow find a way to publish some of my original ideas. I’ve not really wanted to make a lot of money of it, but I always thought it would be cool to see something I contributed to in print. Through a collaboration with Letters & Lore (checkout the new page on my site about them), I am getting to do just that! I’m not sure what will come of it, but just the learning process has been fun. Even if we don’t make it to the moon, the stars we’re landing among are amazing!
Wow! I wrote a lot more about this than I thought I would, and it is getting late. I have an early class tomorrow (side note, taking free classes has also led to star like growth), and I should try and get some rest. I hope this inspires you to shoot for the moon, but if nothing else, this blog is getting me back in the groove!
As part of a leadership class I am taking, I’m starting a 30 day challenge of Daily Journal Prompts. This is outside of my usual realm, but I’m excited for the challenge!
Prompt 8 – List 10 things you love about yourself.
I love this prompt! Not because I love to talk about myself although sometimes I do it a little too much, but because I think listing things you love about yourself is a great mental health exercise. Over the years I’ve used a similar exercise to this prompt for therapeutic reasons, and I highly recommend everyone do it! Here goes my list!
1. I love my creativity and expressing it through painting, sewing, scrapbooking, coloring, and writing.
2. I love my ability to get lost in a book. Books can take you to another world, inform you, and inspire you!
3. I love my head – like all of it. My hair has always made me happy as have my eyes and smile.
4. I love my ability to burst out into song at random moments whether it is with a made up song or one I half know the lyrics to.
5. I love my tendency to be easily excited and enthusiastic about the littlest things!
6. I love my caring spirit and how much taking care of others feeds my soul. It’s important to be a servant leader.
7. I love my ability to teach people a variety of skills in a variety of areas.
8. I love my ability to work hard and get things done when I put my mind to accomplishing something.
9. I love my love of water. I feel most at peace when water is involved be it a shower, pool, rain, lake, etc.
10. Most of all I love being able to live by my priorities: faith, family/friends, living by the Golden Rule, and then career. The two greatest roles in my life are wife and mother, and I do my best to up hold that calling.
Last night I was watching Mass, and the priest talked about the work of Chuck Colson. I had never heard his name before – an apparent neglect of my schooling as he was part of Watergate – though I found myself very intrigued by the story. Colson had an idea for helping people change their lives, so in the late 70s he did an experiment with 12 people. They were to stay in a prison for an amount of time and live like inmates. I don’t know all the details, but the experiment’s success led to the development of the Prison Fellowship program. Those 12 people were the root of starting a movement for 25,000+ people who have now been positively served by Prison Fellowship.
After hearing this, I asked myself “What else can be associated with the power of 12?”
Obviously, for Christians the 12 apostles led the foundation for the development of the church. Another obvious answer would be there are 12 months in a year a time frame during which great meaningful change can occur. For those in my direct sales field, sharing the career with 12 people in a calendar year earns a level of awards recognition. This one really got me thinking as it made me wonder how many people can I positively impact by sharing my career that aligns with my personal priorities through blessing 12 people? I doubt it will be 25,000, but it might be 250. Imagine how many blessings could be spread by 12 people with kind hearts and fair intentions!
The last big event LilKsby went to before the world shutdown in 2020 was a first birthday party for one of his first friends. Within two weeks of that party everyone was sheltering in place which led to LilKsby’s first birthday being a masked, socially distanced, outdoor affair with just his seven close family members. His second and third birthdays didn’t involve masks and outdoors, but they still involved the core seven as we were trying to minimize his exposures to Covid. Finally, today LilKsby got to have his first birthday party with friends AND family, and I kept thinking over and over, “We are abundantly blessed, and I am so thankful for everyone here!”
Days like today remind me of how abundantly blessed we truly are. First and foremost, we have an amazing family who are always there for us and who absolutely love LilKsby. The way they play with him, share their talents with him, and create memories with him will melt your heart! Secondly, we have amazing friends old and new. I remember a song from when I was in Girl Scouts as a kid with these lyrics: “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.A circle is round, it has no end. That’s how long, I will be your friend.” When I looked around the room full of love today, these lyrics rang so true! There were friends of mine and Mr Kisby’s from as long ago as high school, from 16 years ago when we were introduced to one another, friends from previous jobs, and new friends from within the last year who are some of the most incredible moms I have ever met! Likewise there were friends of LilKsby’s from the time he was a baby, from his first time at camp, and and from within the last year of weekly Pre-K classes! It was such a blessing to see them together talking, playing, and celebrating especially as concerned as I was a year ago about LilKsby having social opportunities. I could gush and gush about how blessed we are, and I assure you that my smile will always be so big that you would think there was a coat hanger in my mouth (Friends reference for all you other fans out there.)
I am also very thankful for everything surrounding today. First of all, I am thankful for Mr Kisby and the greatest gift of our lives which was the reason for today’s celebration: LilKsby. Sometimes I look at him, and I still can’t believe that God trusted me to be his mama! Secondly, I’m thankful for all the people who have been a part of LilKsby’s life. Whether they were at the party or not, there are so many people who have positively impacted his life in the last four years. If I attempted to name them, I know I would forget people, so just know that if you’re in our life, we are thankful for you! Finally, I’m thankful for the absolute pure joy of today’s celebration! I believe that experiencing joy is a key to living your best life, and today the joy overflowed in my heart! Like at times I literally felt like our little family was glowing from joy, thankfulness, and blessings.
Aside from going to bed absolutely elated, I hope that I never forget how blessed and thankful we are.
This image is a screenshot from a news article on wave3.com.
Remember the old story about the man who prayed and prayed to win the lottery? He prayed to win every day, yet he died without ever winning. When he got to heaven, he asked God why he never won the lottery even though that had been his only prayer for years. With His infinite wisdom God told him something simple, “You never bought a ticket.” All that the man needed to do was make a simple change to his daily routine and buy a ticket, but he never did because he relied on prayer alone. The moral of the story? Even God (or any other deity based on your specific faith) tells that thoughts and prayers are not enough and action is required to make a change. Spoiler, this moral applies to a lot more areas than just winning the lottery!
One of the areas where this applies is the after math of a shooting. Let me preface this by saying that thoughts and prayers are great for the souls of those who lost their lives, the families of the victims who need comfort, and the family of the shooter as their lives will forever be marred by what a relative did. However, thoughts and prayers are not enough for there to be an end to gun violence. For gun violence to end, there must be action taken and changes made. Obviously, this means there needs to be changes made in the area of gun control legislation. I can’t propose what change should be made because it would be very skewed to my own beliefs on guns. However, I can recognize that there needs to be legal change immediately! Additionally, we need change when it comes to mental health. In the picture, I highlighted the words “And everybody who needs it, don’t be afraid to get some help.” It is 2023, and NO ONE – I repeat NO ONE – should ever be afraid to get help. Likewise, NO ONE should be made to feel ashamed because they need to or do seek help with mental health. Along with this acceptance that mental health assistance is positive, the needed services also need to be more readily and affordably available. Something else that needs to be addressed? Why are there so many employees/former employees who are so disgruntled with their employer/former employer that they feel violence is the only answer? My guess is because their employer makes them feel expendable and not valued. Employers need to re-examine how they are caring for their own. I understand that in business you have bottom lines and standards that must be met for success. However, there is also time to make your employees feel important and recognize when they are in of something. Imagine if all of these actions/changes were combined with thoughts and prayers. Do you think things would finally begin to improve?
I’m not a fool, and I realize that violence will never completely cease. However, I do believe that the sooner people agree that thoughts and prayers are not enough and start to call for changes, then we will see a decrease begin. Not sure of how to start? Post on your social media calls to change, sign petitions, and contact legislators. If you are so called, join a protest (peaceful and non-violent please). Advocate for mental health help and better work environments! By all means, continue to pray while also taking action. You don’t want to be like the man who prayed to win yet never bought the ticket.
If you’ve followed my blog for long or follow me on social media, then you know that I love a good inspirational quote. Put the quote on a picture of a beach or mountain, and that is like a little slice of motivational heaven. Today, I saw one of these pictures that summed a lot of what I have been thinking about the actions of people lately. It said “inspirational quote of the day don’t be an ass.” Frankly, I feel like that is the exact inspiration that a lot of people are needing these days.
Why is this needed inspiration? At it’s most simple form, it is because there are sects of society who have become too preoccupied with their own agendas to seem to care about how their agenda impacts others. So I’m going to present to you a series of question, and if you answer yes to any of them, I implore you to take some time to reflect on how it relates to the advice of “don’t be an ass.”
Are there things you do in the name of “morality” that purposefully hurt other people?
Do you almost hit people head on because you aren’t paying attention to which side of the road you’re on?
Do you judge books by their covers so to speak?
I’m sure my list could go on and on, but I just wanted to include the ones that I’ve seen this week where I feel like “don’t be an ass” is appropriate advice. The first question on the list comes from all of the bills around the country aimed at hurting those in the LGBTQ+ and Drag Communities. Whether that is something you understand or not, purposefully hurting those communities through legislation is being an ass. Number two on the list comes from almost getting hit today by a goober who turned on the street we were on today and didn’t seem to notice they were on the wrong side of the road until I stopped to avoid them hitting us. If they had of hit us, then I’m pretty sure this mama would have been a total ass. I will be the first to admit that I’m not 100% perfect at following this advice. The last question comes from a general observation of how judgmental people can be. Spend five minutes scrolling through social media, and that will remind you of just how judgmental people can be especially when there is a keyboard and screen separating from whomever they are judging. In a nutshell, there’s the reasoning behind my list of questions and why I think “don’t be an ass” is such sound advice.
For 23 hours across the last two days, we were without electricity. The loss of electricity was due to windstorms unlike any I’ve ever experienced in our current home. At one point during the 8 hours of hurricane force winds, I thought our house sounded like it was going to explode or be ripped a part from the inside out. At some point in the first couple of hours, part of the roof ended up in the backyard. From all of this a lot of emotions have been experienced in the last 23 hours.
During the 23 hours, there were a couple of times when I was like, “Ugh…this is terrible.” For example, when I woke up at 5:40 in the morning to the smell of cat poo, I desperately wanted a cup of coffee. When I remembered you can’t have coffee with the power out, I was bummed for a minute. Likewise, when I needed to take a shower, I was like, “Ugh…this is going to be cold, but I have to go out in public and don’t want to be stinky.” Truly, I wasn’t actually stinky, but I’m not a fan of having to get dressed in clean clothes after sleeping without taking a shower. Thankfully my “Ugh Thoughts” were few and far between.
My thoughts that were not few and far between were the number of times I felt thankful and blessed in the last 23 hours. Throughout this time frame, our cell phones never ran out of battery, we had food to eat, and we were able to stay warm while sleeping under an extra layer of blankets. Additionally, the damage to our home was relatively minor. Plus, at all times we had other family members with electricity with whom we could have sought refuge if necessary. For a fun bonus feeling, I got to write and reflect in my journal by candlelight, and I got to read a book by flashlight like I used to do as a kid when I wanted to read after bedtime. I was such a rebel! We may have been in a crummy situation for 23 hours, but I am glad that I was able to keeping feeling thankful and blessed!
While I was able to continue feeling mostly positive during the 23 hours, I know there are others who were not able to feel that way. I want them to know that their feelings are also valid. Everyone is entitled to being able to process a situation how they need to work through it. I also want to share that my heart goes out to all of those who have been dealing with the issues associated with this swath of storms. My gratitude also goes out to those who have worked tirelessly to restore power, Internet, and telephones to those who experienced outages.
Once again March is here, and I am in the middle of Tech Week for a show. Like usual during this week, I either find myself thinking about a better way I could have made a costume work or why I believe all children should have access to the Arts at early age. Just this morning I found myself thinking, “Why do so many people push their kids into athletics but not something related to the arts?” I am not a researcher, but as a life long fan of the arts (seriously, I played a sheep at age 5), I feel like the “art” of the matter is that people don’t see the benefits of involvement with the arts.
So what are the benefits? This can vary depending on the type of art form being utilized. To start, let’s talk about the theatre. First and foremost, being in the theatre teaches team work. Unless you’re starring in a one person show in which you also do all of the tech work, you have to work cooperatively with others to stage a successful production. A big component of this is strengthening communication and self advocacy skills. For example, if you’re in the cast, and you lose something, then you have to be able to ask the appropriate person for help. I can’t tell you how often I get asked “Where’s my x?” I’m always glad they ask so that they have something to wear on stage! Additionally, theatre promotes learning empathy (something that I believe is strongly missing in today’s society). Whenever you are playing a character, you have to find ways to understand their emotions and portray them in such a way that you can relate to the emotion. Empathy can also be developed just from watching a theatrical production as well. Obviously, given my 35 years of being in theatre, I feel very strongly about this one!
However, my strong feelings about everyone trying the arts doesn’t stop with theatre. I believe that learning to paint, creating collages, and using clay are essential to developing fine motor skills. Another way to work on fine motor skills? Playing a musical instrument! Learning a musical instrument and how to read music can also help with math skills. In elementary school, I always believed that fractions made sense because of knowing how to read music and understanding the number of beats associated with a given note. Along with teaching math, music can help with writing skills, emotional management, recalling memories, and much more. Seriously, look up all the ways music can be beneficial. One other thing worth looking is the health benefits associated with music and art therapy. If I can’t convince you to get the “art” of the matter, the research might be able to do so. Are you feeling ready to try being artsy yet?
Understand that I’m not trying to say sports don’t have a place. I played several of those while also being active in the arts. Likewise, I’m not trying to convince you to only pick the arts. However, if getting to the “art” of the matter could have a positive impact on life, why not at least give them – or encourage your kids to give them – a try?
Since attending Mass last night, I’ve been thinking about part of St. Paul’s letter to the Romans: “just as through one transgression condemnation came upon all, so, through one righteous act, acquittal and life came to all” (Romans 5:18). In the context of Christianity, this is an allusion to how one man’s negative action changed the world for the worse while one man’s positive action changed the world for the better. At first I reflected on how true this is per my beliefs and how in other religions one person has also had a massive impact on all of humanity. When thinking about this today, I started thinking about how frequently in history one person has made either a negative or positive impact on a portion of humanity.
Of course it was easy to think of singular people who have negatively impacted humanity. I immediately thought of Hitler who was directly linked to the start of World War II and the deaths of 6 million Jewish people. Negativity has stemmed from the impact of this one person for the last 90 years (the first Holocaust victims lost their lives in 1933). My next thought was of David Koresh, a cult leader, who did a number of unimaginable things to his followers and ultimately led many of them to their deaths in a fire in 1993. The losses were nowhere close to the scale of the Holocaust, but at age 9, this was the first time I remember seeing the news and thinking, “How can one person influence so many people? Why would people follow them?” Be they politicians, cult leaders, terrorists, criminals, etc there are many instances – more numerous than I can even fathom – where singular people have had a negative impact on humanity. In some respects, this can be downright discouraging.
However there is a light in the darkness! There are single people who have had major positive impacts on people around the world. My first thought was of Civil Rights leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. Both of these men had major positive impacts on the Civil Rights movement. Then, I thought of Marie Curie. Her work with radium has been game changing in the medical field for over 100 years. Though her work ultimately cost her own life, it has saved millions of people. There are also people like Dolly Parton who are constantly positively impacting people by supporting literacy, medical research, and many other causes. When thinking of the positive impact of one person, we also have people like Henry Ford who developed the assembly line, and we have authors like Maya Angelou who impacted Civil Rights and Literature. Looking at the arts, there have been positive impacts by people like Lin Manuel Miranda. The list could go on and on!
My biggest takeaway from this reflection is simple. It can be easy to dwell on the negative impact of one person, but when you start to think about it, the positive impacts of one person occur frequently. What will your impact be?
This is outside my normal blog writing realm; however, I thoroughly enjoy writing fan mail. Along the same lines, I’m also too lazy to go buy an International stamp. Thus, I’m sharing this here even though I know that Ms Winslet will probably never in a million years see it.
Dear Kate Winslet,
A few nights ago, I went on a date with my husband to see the 25th Anniversary run of Titanic at the movie theater. When the movie was released 25 years ago, I saw it at the cinema five times. A part of that was because I had a huge crush on Leo DiCaprio. Fourteen year old me thought it was amazing that he was a hottie who also gave a damn about the environment even before it was trendy to do so. Just as big of a part of my going to see the movie so much was because before you brought Rose to life, I had never been able to see part of myself in an actress.
Growing up, I always saw myself as out of place physically. I had auburn hair that was far from a popular shade in the 90s, and I was heavy set compared to most of my peers (today, I realize that 155 at 5’7 truly wasn’t that heavy). To go with this, I’d always had a more round face and slightly chubby cheeks than most classmates. Prior to Titanic, I never could relate to anyone I saw in magazines, film, etc. However, from the time I saw your natural beauty and grace onscreen with similar features to mine, my outlook changed. Through seeing you, I discovered that I was also beautiful in my own way. Seeing you in the film also helped me realize that unique can be a lot more beautiful than the cookie cutter Barbie-like pretty that was so popular when I was growing up. Thanks for making a red head feel like part of the cool kids club!
In recent years, I’ve read that you feel like your performance in Titanic was embarrassing. Though it may not be your favorite, I am forever grateful that you chose to be in the film. Your choice began the journey for making me realize how powerful and beautiful a red head can be!
There have been several times this week when I have wanted to write, but I couldn’t quite find the words to do it without feeling as though my writing would seem confrontational. Confrontation is not my jam, so I decided not to write at those given times. Some of the things I wanted to write about were how everyone should never feel like they cannot achieve their goals. This thought pattern came after reading the book and watching the movie Dumplin’. At a another point in the week, I wanted to write about how any legislation that promotes discrimination – especially legislation that promotes discrimination against children – is wrong. However, I didn’t want to start a political debate because that really isn’t my style. Yesterday, I considered writing about self improvement as I realized that one of the areas I need to work on is remembering that I have two ears and a mouth because sometimes I need to just listen and not insert my two cents. As I reflected today on these various topics, I realized that while I do have opinions about these issues and know that I need to do more self-growth, what I really wanted to remind everyone is that the answer to life’s problems is love.
If everyone would speak more words of love and perform more actions based in love, then maybe we would see real lasting change. When everything is based on love, there isn’t room for discrimination. Likewise, in order to show love to others at the highest level possible, we have to love ourselves. I’m sure a lot of other positives could come from a little more love in the world! Thus, my conclusion for the week is that with all the hate fueled things happening in the world, I’m going to do my best to show others the goodness that can come from love.
My challenge to you is this:
Work on learning to love who you are if this is a challenge. I know this is difficult, but I promise that it is worth it. Also, learning to love yourself is a life long journey, so don’t give up!
Show those you love how much they mean to you. Don’t just say, “I love you.” Think about their Love Languages or Enneagram type and utilize that to show your love.
Forgive those who have hurt you. Part of being able to love is to be able to forgive. Remember, just because you forgive someone that does not mean you have to associate with them. Likewise, forgiving does not mean that you forget. Forgiveness can be just as much – if not more so – for your personal healing than the person who wronged you.
Be a light of love to others so that they might want to show love too.
When I think about my childhood, I often find myself thinking about memories of the local public library. Some of my earliest memories are of attending Summer Reading and other programs such as pajama story hour with Mrs. Pickle. I also remember getting super excited as a kid when I could have my own library card and check out books in my name! Two of my favorites that I checked out over and over were Happy Mother’s Day and Happy Father’s Day by Steven Kroll. They were such big favorites of mine that Mr Kisby surprised me with them as gifts one year!
My love of libraries wasn’t contained to my local branch. Both of my grandmothers had libraries in their small towns, and I loved to go to those libraries too. In fact, my grandmother in Kansas lived across the street from the town librarian. I always thought that was so cool! Plus, since she knew the family, she’d let me check books out of their library while we were there visiting in the summer. This made me feel so special!
As I got older, libraries became a place to use the Internet and study. I never thought much about checking out books for probably fifteen years. Then one Saturday morning many years ago, Mr Kisby and I went to the local library for a morning date of checking out books. I thought it was so sweet! From this date, I became reacquainted with our local library. For the past several years, the library has become a staple in our lives. One of the things that I was most pleased to learn was that the library is no longer just about checking out books and using the Internet. Our library offers a plethora of classes, activities, and even movie and music checkouts for free! Bonus, the classes and activities are for literally all ages! I’ve also been amazed at how much they do for families including Book or Treat and Milk and Cookies with Santa. The first of which has been a hit with LilKsby, and the second of which has made him scream. They also always have games that you can play as a family and a puzzle that you can work on while relaxing!
So why am I talking about the library? Because February is National Library Lovers Month in the US! Libraries are a forgotten gem, and they need to be utilized so they won’t become a thing of the past! For more ideas on how to support your library, checkout this article: https://ilovelibraries.org/get-involved/. In the meantime, go visit your public library!
There’s a song by Rascal Flatts with the lyrics “This much I know is true/That God blessed the broken road/That led me to straight to you.” The song is aptly titled “Bless the Broken Road,” and though it came out a number of years ago, it has been in my head today. I saw a post from a Facebook connection (sometimes it seems weird to me to say Facebook friend when it is someone you knew years ago that you’re not really sure if you were friends or acquaintances with then much less now) reflecting on the journey of their life and how some of the must unexpected parts yield the biggest blessings. That post moved me because I felt like it was talking to me in that most of what I thought would be my future 22 years ago hasn’t been my path at all; however, I could not be more blessed and happy than I am today on this road.
When I look back on those days, I think of a person who just really wanted people to like her. At times I felt like I would do anything just to try and get/retain friends. As a smaller kid, I was always heavy set and far from the “pretty, popular type” which meant not always having a lot of people want to be around me. Looking back, I realize that this need for people to like me could occasionally come at the cost of hurting others. It was never intentional, and since I haven’t seen a lot of those people in a long number of years, I hope they have either forgotten or forgiven the wrongs I did to them. If they haven’t done either, then I get it. Sometimes I wasn’t the nicest way back in the day.
Thankfully, a long my journey through various roads, I have learned to like me for me. I’ve met a wonderful tribe of friends along the way thanks mostly to theatre, LARPing, teaching, and Mary Kay, and a long the journey I met an even more wonderful husband! I know that Mr Kisby is the absolute best husband in the world because he’s my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and so much more. I could keep going, but the lovey dovey overload might make you sick at your stomach. The best way to put it is we love each other and like each other. Mr Kisby is also the one who gave me the biggest blessings in the world: the baby in Heaven that taught me just how much I wanted to be a mom and the sweet little boy here on earth that calls me Mama. ❤️ As the boy and the husband lay asleep next to me, my heart could not be more filled with love and joy! Thank you God for leading me to them!
Personal growth aside, there are a lot of other parts of life that I never would have imagined 22+ years ago. You may not believe it, but at one point I wanted to be a lawyer. What can I say besides Clueless and Legally Blonde made it look glamorous? I would have been a terrible lawyer because I absolutely do not like conflict. In fact, having conflict with people has been know to make me so upset I get physically sick. Then, I started college with the intent of getting a double major in theatre and journalism with a minor in sociology. I ended up changing schools because I didn’t like the college and I missed home with all of my friends. That change led to a couple of business degrees and eventually a teaching degree. All of these led to job changes which saw me through various relationships and a lot of time LARPing (these I’m confident enough with who I am to admit publicly how nerdy I am). Each of those choices were little roads that also brought me to where I am today.
Today, I am on the best road I ever could have imagined! I absolutely love being wife and mama, and I am so thankful to be in a position where I am able to be home caring for them full time. Each day with them is an adventure, and as I am watching LilKsby grow and change, I feel like I’m also watching myself grow and change for the better each day! I love the person I am becoming, and I believe that allows me to love all of the important people in my life that much more!
I realize this is pretty deep for a Friday night, but I feel like turning 40 this year is going to be filled with a lot of similar reflective retrospection. I’m not one of those dreading 40. It’s actually quite the opposite. I feel like 40 is going to be fabulous! Since the broken road has led me to where I need to be, some of the greatest chapters are still to be written!
The Great Kaysby 