"My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea, and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me." – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
When I was a little kid, I remember flying a kite with my dad in our field. As we played, the kite string broke, and the kite flew away. I was heartbroken! I threw such a fit that my dad pacified me by taking me on a car ride to find the kite. We never found it, and I was devastated. From that moment, I was CONVINCED that I hated flying kites.
Fast forward 30 (or more) years…
Mr Kisby gets a box from Amazon, and says he has a family surprise. Guess what it was? A kite! Immediately I had flashbacks and thought, “ugh, I hate kites.” However, as parents often do, I put on a happy face so that LilKsby would love the kite. A few days later we went to the park, and we flew the kite. To my surprise, I LOVED flying the kite! Watching it soar in the wind, while I laughed squeals of delight and ran around with LilKsby, was a great time!
That joy got me to thinking, did I really hate kites this whole time? No. What I hated was the memory of losing something. The hate of losing has become a life long trend. As I thought about it, I realized that I have allowed a hate of loss to be the reason I fear doing something. Then I remembered that if we let fear run our lives, we will miss out on a lot of great opportunities. Having faith over fear is a hard lesson to practice, and I think that we have to constantly remind ourselves to use it. As a parent, I frequently tell myself to not show fear of certain things because I don’t want my child to pick up on these fears and miss out. That’s a huge catalyst for me, and why I keep striving to live more fearlessly.
I know that’s a huge lesson to get from a kite, but don’t we find the greatest lessons when we aren’t even looking for them?
“Look deep into nature, and you will understand everything better.” – Albert Einstein
Over the years I’ve seen various challenges to help get people out of their homes and into nature more. One of the most well known challenges involving this is the 1,000 hours outside challenge. I loved the idea, but the math always stopped me from pursuing it. With 365 days in the year, this meant needing to spend 2.7 hours per day outside. My immediate thought was “I can’t do that, I can’t go out when it’s cold.” That may sound like an excuse, but I have a rare condition called cold urticaria that makes going out in the cold difficult. My next thought was “I don’t have enough time to do that when I get home at 4:30, and LilKsby is ready for bed at 6.” Based on my thoughts, I almost gave up on the idea of an outside challenge before I even started it.
Then a light bulb clicked on in my head. I don’t have to do the same outside challenge that everyone else does; I can adapt the challenge to fit my needs!
From that light bulb moment, the challenge became to spend 500 hours outside with LilKsby this year! For a family that spends most of their time indoors, 500 was not a scary goal in my head. Plus, anything is possible when your why is strong enough!
Sometimes knowing your why is difficult. In this case knowing my why is easy. One, even though I spend a lot of time indoors, I believe that there is a calm, peace, and freedom that one can only find outside. Two, I love to walk outside which improves my health physically and mentally. Three, also the most important of these, I want LilKsby to know there is more to life that being indoors tied to a screen. I want him to run and play, climb on things, splash in puddles, and enjoy the beauty of nature. For this goal, my why is clear!
So far in our journey to 500 hours, we have completed 3 hours. That’s not a lot, but guess what? Yesterday – in one afternoon – we tripled what we had previously achieved! All it takes is a little time here and there to reach a goal of 500 hours! The biggest obstacle to overcome for the goal? Overthinking it. I find myself thinking “Where can we go to play outside?” Well, duh self, you just have to go in your own yard! This goal doesn’t require going to a park or a place for hiking (though that is fun too). This goal literally just requires stepping out the door!!!
So as we embark on our journey to achieve 500 hours outside, wish us luck! Pray for minimal sunburns (for real though because the other day I got a little sunburned waiting in the Zaxby’s drive thru for 20 minutes) and bug bites for us! As you’re cheering us on our way, I challenge you to come up with your own 500 hours challenge. I’ll cheer you on!
Growing up it was always emphasized to my generation that women can be anything they want. They can have a career; in fact they can have any career a man can have perhaps with the exception of penis model. They can live on their own and live the single life ala Sex and the City; they can live with roommates; they can cohabitate with a domestic partner. They can even go the more traditional route and pursue marriage and children. At some point, I’ve pretty much covered all these bases with feeling totally fine about the fact that I can’t be a penis model. Although for me the single life was nothing like Sex and the City, partially because I prefer video games to bars.
The most fulfilling of all the things I’ve been? The role of mama! There’s truly nothing like it! As a working mama and wife, I’m not good at doing the traditional “wife jobs”. Partially because I don’t have a lot of time, but also because I’m not big on a lot of domestic things. My restaurant receipts alone will tell you that I’m more Stephanie Plum than Samantha Stephens in the kitchen! Many may think that the shear fact that women like me can have it all is all we want. However, while I enjoy having the possibilities, there are other things I want as a working mama!
The number one thing I want as a working mama? The gift of time with my family. On a typical work day, I leave at 7 am and pick LilKsby up between 4 and 4:30. That’s 9 to 9 1/2 hours without him. When we get home, we have dinner, bath, and he is usually asleep by 7. This means when you factor in the half hour I see him before work, I only see my child for approximately 3 1/2 hours per day five days a week. That’s not the kind of math I like. So, my number one want? More time with family!
I also want to have an irrational emotional/mental meltdown every once in a while as someone listens to me vent. I am very lucky to have Mr Kisby and friends that allow this. If I didn’t, I might go crazy. The feeling split between being a great employee (especially in a field that requires a great deal of compassion and is constantly being put down and under minded by legislation) and being the best mama and spouse possible can be exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am amazed at the people who do it without ever having a come apart because I’ve got to let it out sometimes!
The last thing I want? This one may sound selfish, but self care isn’t selfish. I need time to just be me. It’s really easy to forget who you are when you’re consumed by being a mama, wife, and worker. It can be easy to lose yourself when you’re busy taking care of other people. That’s why I think it’s important to take time and enjoy things you like doing. This is why I read, write, create, and play video games. It’s important to me to still have time for things that I enjoy; it’s important to have time for the things that make me who I am! I truly believe that when I am my best me, then I can be my best in every other role that I have!
I could get into a lot more universal issues that I want as a working mama, but I feel like those pertain to lots of mamas and not just me. Maybe other mamas have the same wants as me. Maybe I just wanted to write about my thoughts today. Either way, I hope this some inspires you or helps you reflect on what you want.
Today I had the opportunity to participate in Ignite 2022, a virtual conference for one of my careers. I know there are a lot of people excited to return to in-person conferences, but I not so secretly hope that virtual conferences are here to stay. In fact, I believe that in some ways virtual conferences are better than in-person. Why? I’m glad you asked! Drum roll please…channels Dave Letterman… “And now, Top 10 Virtual Victories!”
Number 10 – Woke Up in My Bed – Some hotel beds are really nice, but I am much more rested when I get to wake up in my bed with my pillow that knows my head. Plus, not to sound all Goldilocks, but my mattress is just right!
Number 9 – Last Minute for the Win – I am a last minute person which can be problematic with in person conferences. In fact it’s usually why I’m late to the first session of the morning. But with virtual, I’m always on time even if I get out of the shower ten minutes before go time!
Number 8 – Fewer Distractions – Most of the time I have the attention span of a goldfish. There are times that talking to me is very reminiscent of talking to Dory in Finding Nemo. With virtual conferences, I can provide myself with the accommodations that I need for success like a quiet room, non distracting lighting, and stretch breaks to regain focus. I can also watch sitting or standing which can help me.
Number 7 – No Parking Issues – in my garage my car always has a spot! I don’t have to fret over where I’m going to park, if the Valet is going to lose my car (it happened once but that’s a story for another day), or how much parking costs!
Number 6 – Comfy Chair – can we all agree that most conference seats are not meant for bigger people? As a bigger person height and weight wise, I always feel like I’m sitting on the people next to me. I always feel uncomfortable when I feel like I’m up in somebody else’s business. Also, I’ve got back issues, so being at home in my own chair saves me from a post conference chiropractor appointment!
Number 5 – No Idle Chit Chat – I’m what one would call an extroverted introvert. I am good at being social, and I enjoy it in the right doses and settings. However, big events like conferences, open houses, vendor fairs, etc drain my battery. I enjoy them while they are happening, but afterwards I need time to recuperate mentally and emotionally.
Number 4 – Dress Up from the Waist Up – I spent the whole conference in pajama pants! From the waist up I had on a nice shirt, cardigan, jewelry, and makeup done. However, I had on comfy pants! Also, I didn’t have to wear shoes! Wearing shoes all day is for the birds!
Number 3 – Best Concession Stand Ever – Imagine a concession stand with no waiting where water doesn’t cost $4 a bottle and only favorite foods are served! That’s right, the best concession stand is my own kitchen! This concession stand served Caesar salad, pomegranates, Diet Coke, and water! Glad it was all free because I drank 4 bottles of water!!! Best part? I didn’t have to worry about things I won’t eat or am allergic to! My concession stand rocks!
Number 2 – No Line at the Ladies Room – Any time I had to go to the bathroom, there was no line! I could just walk right in my own bathroom and go! Bonus? No questionable droplets on the toilet seat and no cringing because people for some reason forget how to flush in public!
Number 1 – Time With Family – When I attend virtual conferences I get to see my husband and toddler IMMEDIATELY when it is over. There’s no travel time where I’m super antsy and irritable because I miss them so much. All I have to do is leave my office! Approximately 10 steps from my office to my hugs!
What are your top Virtual Victory for Virtual Conferences?
Since just before the new year began, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. I’ve been attempting in my spare moments to work on my vision journal, and I’ve realized that it’s meant to be a work in progress not a project completed in one sitting. That said, I’ve also come up with some other tips for 2022 that you might find helpful:
1. Minimize – clean out the clutter you don’t need or that no longer brings you joy. Trash it, put it in a yard sale, or donate it to a worthy charity thrift store. What you think of as junk might be a blessing to someone else.
2. Unplug – Find things to do that don’t require technology. Craft, create, read a book, exercise, get outside…do something besides stare at a screen. I’m preaching to myself on this one!
3. Take Baths – I’m not saying take a bath or shower for hygiene. Well, yes do that, but occasionally fill the bath, light a candle, add Epsom salts or bubble bath, and enjoy the water. It’s relaxing!
4. Renew Your Faith – if you’re a person of faith be it Pagan, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Hindu, or another faith take time to submerse yourself in your teachings. Take time to remind yourself of your basic philosophies and renew your soul. The soul yearns for growth and renewal to stay strong!
5. Physical Wellness – get a physical, visit the eye doctor, go to the dentist, see a chiropractor, etc. You have one body that could last you for over 100 years so take care of it!
6. Quality Time – Spend quality time with those you love the most. Do so in a pandemic safe manner of course! When you’re spending quality time, make sure you’re present in the moment. This is a big one that I’m working on this year! I miss so much by being absorbed in something irrelevant!
7. Stop Believing the Internet – Say this with me “Just because it’s on the Internet doesn’t make it true.” Make this your mantra. Repeat it frequently, and when you do conduct Internet research check your sources! For example, my background is in the beauty industry, so I hope you would never believe me if suddenly I was trying to dispense brain surgery or aeronautical device!
Let me say what I know a lot of people are thinking today: I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Negative Nellies will see that statement and think things such as “She’s just lazy and wants to sleep in” or “She’s so selfish! She just had two weeks off”. However, that’s not the case. Just as I know this isn’t the case for all of the people I’ve seen on my social media saying they are depressed about returning to work, have almost cried today over returning, etc. The real of reality is that the core values for work force members are changing abs the values of many employers are not.
For a few decades following the Great Depression, it seems as though the reality of why people worked was solely for a paycheck. They wanted to go to work, make enough money to ensure their family lived adequately, and be able to retire with the pension they knew they would get for x years of service. This reality made employer’s very happy because it meant people working long hours which tends to lead to higher profits.
For members of today’s work force, priorities are changing. Our (I use this in a general sense knowing that it doesn’t apply to every single person) reality is that we want to be valued as people and not just a faceless, nameless human among the masses. We want to feel as though our employers care about our mental and physical health; we want to feel like our priorities that put family above career are important. We are tired of being made to feel guilty for attempting to prioritize our health, the needs of our families, and for wanting people to care more about the well being of others than a profit margin. At the end of the day, many of us are willing to work one, two, or even three jobs for an employer who cares and allows us to live by our priorities as opposed to working for one employer who doesn’t treat us like a person. We’ve realized that happiness and wellness are more important than a paycheck!
For me personally, the real of reality means being away from LilKsby and Mr Kisby, who I’ve spent the last two weeks with except for about five hours, for 9 hours a day. I’ll get to see them for 30 minutes in the morning, then we will have maybe 3 hours before LilKsby goes to bed because he doesn’t nap at daycare. That’s 3 and a half hours with the sweetest most precious boy in the whole world. It’s maybe 5 hours with Mr Kisby, but usually less because of cleaning and prepping for the next day. For someone who believes family is more important than a career, do you see why it’s hard for me to want to return to work even to a job I enjoy? I know I’m not the only mama who feels this way!
So that is the way I see the real of reality. Factor in Covid related anxiety’s with how I’m going to miss my family like crazy, and there you have it. Am I hoping to win the Powerball? Yup. Does that mean I don’t love what I do? Nope. I just love being mama and wife more than employee. Anyone else agree with this real of reality?
December 23 has been one of my least favorite days for the past 11 years. I don’t know if I’ve blogged about it before, but December 23, 2010 was the day that I tried to save my grandma’s life. I can’t tell you what for sure prompted me to call her at the moment I did, but something urged me to call her. Her words to me when she answered were “Call an ambulance”. Long story short, I called for the ambulance (very difficult phone call to make), they took her to the hospital, and after 27 days her physical body released her soul to fly home to Heaven.
Since this occurred, I’ve dreaded December 23. For years, I’ve carried a guilt associated with this day, and I’ve tried to just wait it out as quietly as possible each year. This is also difficult because sometimes I can be an emotional roller coaster. Last night, I was talking about my dislike of December 23 with my family, and my mom said something that I didn’t know I needed to hear. She told me four simple words: “It wasn’t your fault.”
Hearing those four simple words was like a light switch going off in my brain. Those words started to release me from a decade of guilt, and they reminded me that I was just trying to help. I didn’t kill my grandmother by calling an ambulance; I tried to help her by calling an ambulance!
Even with this feeling of release, parts of today were hard. However, I feel like I didn’t dread the day as much. I could see the sunshine through the clouds so to speak, and I could feel the start of healing. I’m going to remember my moms words – “It wasn’t your fault” – and I’m going to keep in healing!
I pray and hope that if there is something that wasn’t your fault that you’ve been harboring guilt over, you are able to start finding peace too.
The day’s festivities have come to a close, and I find myself in that weird post holiday celebration mode of “What am I supposed to be doing?” You don’t want to just go to bed because it is still super early, but at the same time you don’t want to do anything mentally taxing because it has been a relaxing day. Anyone else in this mode?
Before the pandemic, I would have been trying to go to bed by 10, so that getting up at 4 to go shopping still meant getting 6 hours of asleep! I never would be in bed that early because I’d be too busy picking out the best deals and strategizing what to get. This year even though we occasionally take LilKsby out to non-crowded places, we’re still not taking him out like pre-pandemic because toddlers can’t get vaccinated, and he only keeps his mask on for like three minutes. That said, it really surprised me how much I miss this part of Thanksgiving night! I’ve been lamenting it so much that this evening that Mr Kisby even asked me if I want to go shopping tomorrow. I told him no because I don’t really want to go in stores; I just like the idea of it.
Truth be told, I hadn’t even thought about actually going shopping until this week. The catalyst for change? I went to a funeral visitation for one of my professional mentors. They weren’t very old, and they were a big reason I am where I am today professionally. Their passing has been a reminder of just how precious life is, and how important it is to spend your time doing the things you enjoy with those you love. Even though what you enjoy may seem trivial to others, take time to do it!
I know that I am not the only person coping with loss this week. My hope is that as all of those who are healing from loss find comfort and know that while their hearts will always ache, it will become easier. (I know first hand that holidays after loss can be hard, but they do get easier with time.) I hope that everyone will find a way to do something that brings them joy if not today or tomorrow then one day soon. If this means going shopping, then I hope you shop! If this means singing in the shower so loudly that your throat hurts, I hope you sing your heart out! If this means walking alone in the woods to clear your mind, I hope you walk!
I know that this is some deep thinking for a day usually spent pondering family, food, naps, and TV, but sometimes we just have to get our thoughts out! What things are you thinking about on Thanksgiving night?
Thanksgiving is only two days from today, and I want to make a bold and probably unpopular statement: Thanksgiving is about more than food.
People who know me will probably be quick to think my statement is because I don’t like Thanksgiving food. Admittedly, I’m not a fan of whole turkeys; I don’t like real mashed potatoes; stuffing that has been inside the bird disgusts me; I find pumpkin pie to have too much pumpkin flavor. Oh, and I’m allergic to sweet potatoes. Additionally, as not the biggest fan of cooking, I struggle with the concept of a meal that takes days to cook and minutes to eat. However, this is not why I believe Thanksgiving is more than food.
In my years – 38 of them – I remember a lot of Thanksgivings. I vaguely remember sitting around tables, but I can’t tell you what all was part of the spread. Do you know what I remember about the table portion? Being allowed sips of wine from Grandma’s special goblets as a teenager. That’s about it.
For me, Thanksgiving was always about doing things with my family. Some years this meant Thanksgiving was about lottery tickets. After eating, we would sit in my grandma’s living room and play scratch offs (we liked scratch offs the way some people like watching football). We would start with like $30 worth. Once they were scratched, we’d walk over to the gas station and buy more with the winnings plus a little extra if needed to get the number of tickets divisible by six (the number of people in the family). We’d continue the cycle until there were either no winnings left or the winnings were so big that the winner didn’t want to share.
If we traveled to see my mom’s family, there weren’t lottery tickets. There also wasn’t wine for that matter. However, there was playing with cousins during a time that wasn’t summer and listening to my grandpa sing Christmas carols as my aunt played piano. There was also the time my uncle’s neighbor accidentally ran over himself while fixing his car. I missed the action because I was in the bathroom, but I’m pleased to report the guy was okay!
Traditionally in our house Thanksgiving has also been about planning our Black Friday shopping. Black Friday is the only day of the year I enjoy shopping because I like deals and the competitive treasure hunt aspect of Black Friday shopping. Back in the days before Covid, we’d spend hours looking at the ads and making a game plan. I was great at organizing who had the best sales at what times and creating a shopping agenda. I’m also phenomenal at the online follow up for things we couldn’t find in the stores! Covid has obviously changed our Black Friday shopping, but there’s always online!!!
For me, Thanksgiving is about more than food. For me, Thanksgiving is about time with family and enjoying that time together. Time is more precious than turkey ever will be! No matter the opinions of others on the matter, my mind is made up.
I’m by far not a Transcendentalist. I tend to function better when I have a set routine, and even though I have a unique sense of style there is nothing groundbreaking about how I dress. I’m also too concerned with covering the amount of gray in my hair to say that I march to the beat of my own drummer. Even the unpopular things I’ve been involved with throughout my life such as theatre, medieval reenactment, playing video games, playing tabletop games, and writing have somehow become mainstream. However, there is one part of transcendentalism that I totally get: nature.
For me nature is where I go to unplug and recharge. (Unplug is kind of a loose term, but I’ll explain that in a minute.) There is something about being out in nature whether it is hiking, swimming, or sitting in a cabin looking out at the trees that helps me to feel peaceful and relaxed. This weekend was spent sitting in a cabin in the woods surrounded by family, and I can say that I haven’t felt this relaxed going into a work week since last May when a weekend was spent in a cabin in the woods! It was wonderful to unplug from all of the responsibilities of home! I don’t know about everyone else, but I struggle to truly relax at home. Even when I’m reading, writing, sewing, etc there is always that voice in the back of my head saying “You should be doing x, y, and z!” With that mantra in my head, it’s impossible to be totally serene at home. However, in a cabin, I can unplug that little voice and relax!
Relax and unplug for me is probably different than a lot of people. I still played on my phone while unplugging, and I still used my laptop. The difference is that instead of working, I used my devices to research things I would like for Christmas, order Christmas pajamas, and look at gifts for LilKsby. Not a bit of work was done! I also finished one book, read another book, and started a third one (all Stephanie Plum novels)! My only to do tasks all weekend were eat, hangout with family, and sleep! It was also relaxing to be able to go on a trip without having to go on the interstate. Back roads are way more relaxing! The best part of the weekend? The relaxation has continued even at home tonight. I’m not even stressed about going to work tomorrow!
I’m so thankful that I was able to spend the weekend in nature, unplug from everyday life, and recharge! Are you recharged for the week?
Anyone else currently awake? It’s 3 am, and I’ve been up for almost an hour. Why? It started with a little heartburn. Once I was awake, I decided to go to the bathroom. Next thing you know I’m putting in a Walmart order because LilKsby is almost out of bubble bath (NOT ALLOWED). I tried to fall back asleep, but I had a few little thought nuggets that were too good not to share!
Why is “used” an option when buying bubble bath on Amazon? I’m sure it isn’t really used, but the image of someone rebottling some Mr Bubbles is funny to me. I have an image of them sitting on the edge of a bathtub with a strainer to catch the bubbles and a funnel to get them back in the bottle.
When I was doing squats earlier did I look like a legit workout goddess or someone who failed stripper school? One of my besties had a birthday get together at a burlesque studio one time. I was not graceful or coordinated, and it was not pretty!
Do foot cleanses really work? Will they make my feet less stinky? That alone would make me less stressed! Avoiding stinky feet is one of the reasons you’ll see me in sandals in November! Plus for some reason it tends to be hot in November still…#globalwarmingisreal
Which is better: hot yoga or sauna therapy? Is the answer doing yoga in a sauna? Yoga is all about concentration and inner calm. I think if sauna yoga was a thing, I’d be too concerned about whether or not the previous yogi practiced naked to be calm.
What all did I order from Walmart? I’m tired. Guess it will be a surprise after work tomorrow! I hope they have the bubble bath in stock!
I hope you found these as entertaining as I did! Now back to sleep (hopefully).
As another Spring Break comes to a close, there are a multitude of thoughts swirling through my head. Like so many times when this happens, I feel like the best thing to do is attempt to sort them out in writing. Why do it in a blog? Because I’m sure if I’m thinking these things, there is someone else out there who can relate.
Thought 1 – On any given day, you can be both the “picture perfect” mama and “a chicken with her hair on fire” mama. Yesterday, I was the mama who takes the family to the Farmer’s Market in order to shop local and organic. That’s helping other families financially while helping the health of my family! We also did our grocery pickups because we meal plan like champs (even though often the plan gets tweaked midweek when a frozen pizza us substituted into the lineup). Then, we napped for three hours, woke up just in time for bath time, and the realization that we never had dinner. That’s when you go to Dominos in your pajamas with a messy bun and allow your toddler to eat greasy pizza way too late at night while staying up way past their bedtime! This was a great contrast to the “picture perfect” me who had taken the toddler to the library twice earlier in the week, taught him about gardening and growing our own vegetables, and the importance of family outings on nature trails and to the zoo! Spoiler alert, with all that teaching of good things, I may have relied on McDonalds and Burger King a little too much this week! Why both? Because one has $1 drinks and good fries, and the other has Whoppers.
Thought 2 – Flexibility is a way of life. I had these great ambitions of a “self spa” day where I was going to color my hair, do a charcoal mask, and paint my nails. All of these are great thoughts, but when you take a three hour nap while snuggling a toddler who then goes to bed two hours late, the thoughts stay thoughts. For a minute, I was kind of upset about it, then I realized that at least I got a shower and to pluck my eyebrows (they were pretty unsightly…not to mention a dead giveaway that I color my hair when they are thicker). Sometimes it’s the little things that make you smile!
Thought 3 – Does it ever become easier to go back rib work after breaks? Don’t get me wrong. I like my job, but I LOVE being a wife and mom. After a whole week of just getting to be a wife and mom, it is really hard to go back to both. As much as you try, it is really hard to be fully there for both. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has thoughts such as “Did I take the chicken out for dinner?” and “Did I switch the baby’s laundry out?” while at work. Likewise, at home during wife/mom time sometimes I can’t help but think about things that happened at work that day especially if something didn’t get finished that I wanted to complete. Once I get back into the swing of both, it’s always fine. There’s just always that dread the day before returning since it requires sacrificing time with those you love most.
Thought 4 – Why are people so quick to change their tunes based on popular opinions even when they are founded in misconceptions? Just a year ago, the general public was celebrating teachers for their flexibility and quick ability to adapt to non-traditional methods of providing instruction. People were actually talking about how teachers deserved higher pay! Now, some of the same public acts like teachers are horrible, selfish human beings because they put their own families needs first and/or have been anxiety ridden by all the pandemic protocols. FYI…this school year has required more work than any other year in order to meet the needs of all students.
My random thoughts might not make a lot of sense; however, they are a little more sorted out! Just like I knew they would be. 😊 I hope that whatever random thoughts you’re having tonight, you can sort them out too.
Once again it is time to say good-bye to summer as we return to school. No matter what your stance is on returning to school, I believe we can all agree that this has been the most bizarre summer of our lifetimes (unless your over 102 and can remember the Spanish Flu Pandemic of 1918). Never before have we had to consider social distancing rules when going to the grocery store; never before have we had to remember to always have a mask with us so that we can be sure to follow mandates. We’ve experienced the closure of summer activities like swimming at public pools, the switch from in person to virtual summer camps, and the cancellation of favorite parts of summer such as vacations. You always hear about how summer can change people, and I think that is more true of this summer than anyone that I’ve ever faced.
For some of us, change is a very hard thing especially when it comes to personal growth as often times personal growth is difficult. In my own life, this summer has taught me to not be afraid to stand up for my beliefs. As someone who doesn’t necessarily like confrontation, this can be very difficult. However, I’ve realized that my beliefs are important, and when I don’t let them be heard, then it impacts me internally in a negative way. This summer has also taught me that sometimes you need to tell people no even though you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Again, as someone who likes to make everyone happy, this is a difficult task. However, I’ve discovered that if you’re always a “Yes Man”, then you’re denying taking care of yourself in the process. Self care is very important! I’ve always said that if you don’t take care of yourself, then you can’t be your best self for everyone else. That’s been very true this summer!
Another key part of this summer has been the difficulty of learning how to deal with the unknown. This is the hardest for me. While I may not necessarily like to have everything planned to a T, I do like having the ability to be in control of situations. (Which is why I like to drive instead of be the passenger.) During this pandemic, there has been very little over which I’ve truly had control. I can’t control mandates; I can’t control the actions of other people; I can’t control the impact of the virus. What I can control is my response to all of those things. There have been days when my response is crying and feeling sick because of the things I cannot control. There have been other days when I’ve been able to lose myself in fun things and enjoy each moment. Most days, a combination of both happens. Thankfully, I’ve got a great circle that loves me on all the days!
As we enter the last four days before teachers have to report to school, it would be really easy to have four of the rough days. However, my plan is to immerse myself in the fun moments because come Monday, I really have no control over what happens. If the weather holds, then this means four days of splash pad time with LilKsby, reading on my Kindle, painting, and finding some activities to look forward to throughout the rest of the year (this is always a mood helper for me).
As we go into the unknown of the school year, I know I’m going to have to keep working on dealing with the unknown. I also plan to keep standing up for my beliefs, and I plan to keep being okay with saying no. One thing this summer has taught me is that LilKsby observes a lot of what Mr Kisby and I do. I want him to observe positive changes in us that he will embrace in his own life as he grows up.
Original Artwork – “The Eye of the Hurricane” by The Great Kaysby and LilKsby
“In the eye of a hurricane/there is quiet/for just a moment” is the lyric that kept running through my head over and over while I worked on the pictured painting with LilKsby. The lyric is from “Hurricane”, a musical number from Lin Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. During the last few weeks life has kind of felt like a hurricane with so much going on with the pandemic. Businesses and places have reopened, but then they’ve had to close back down. Case numbers had seemingly plateaued, but now there are more cases than ever in certain areas. Masks have gone from being recommended to having to be mandated. On any given day one person can experience so many thoughts and feelings that they feel as though they are constantly living in an emotional hurricane.
Then, there are days where you finally feel like you can breathe; days where you feel like you can finally relax. These are the days when you feel safe from all the distress of the world; these are the days when you just enjoy the life you’ve been blessed with having. These days are the eye of the hurricane for you. Currently, these are the best days! They are days of no anxiety, no doubt, and just experiencing relaxation, contentment, and joy. I think we could all agree that we need more of these days!
So what’s in my eye of the hurricane? Snuggles with LilKsby, cooking for him and Mr Kisby, baking, painting, reading, avoiding social media (that really gets the old anxiety going), exercising, writing, and watching fun videos (lately a lot of Nicholas Brendon’s lives), communicating with family/friends, and focusing on today. My eye of the hurricane is a comfort to me, and with all the uncertainties these days, it’s a good place to spend some time. In my eye of the hurricane, there is love and joy! Even though I know this storm must be weathered, it is good to just be in the moment of quiet sometimes.
Admit it. You like instant gratification. I’ll admit that I do, and I think this is why I like gardening. I find it very satisfying to get out in the flower bed and tend to it. There’s something especially satisfying about pulling weeds! For me, the satisfaction comes from instantly being able to see a difference between where I’ve started and paused or finished. I love anything where I can visually see progress!
My raised flower bed has been part of our house for seven years. My dad helped us build it, and maintaining it has been a family endeavor. Last year, it went untended because LilKsby was only two weeks old at this time. Needless to say, Mr Kisby and I were a little preoccupied. This year, it’s back to being a family endeavor.
Yesterday, LilKsby watched as I tended the flower bed. I took it as a time to tell him about invasive species which I know technically Morning Glory isn’t, but man it sure takes over! I also told him about sunflowers and my grandma from Kansas. I told him about my grandma from here and how she always had the most beautiful flower beds. He mostly spilled his water all over himself, but I like to think he enjoyed my stories.
Today, I went out by myself while Mr Kisby played with LilKsby. It was therapeutic to be there and taking care of the flower bed in silence. I did my best to clean up around my phlox which has gone wild without uprooting too much of it. I also envisioned a beautiful way to fill more of it since most of the plants are gone. There was something peaceful about being in the flower bed. 🥰
I hope that everyone has something that brings them similar peace!
The Great Kaysby 