mental-health – The Great Kaysby

New Year, Now What?

It’s a New Year! One of the first things that you are inundated with at the start of any year is an abundance of ads, videos, podcasts, etc to help you make this the best year yet! Another thing you see in abundance is posts from people (who you may or may not know because let’s face it so many are sponsored ads) sharing their resolutions. In many ways it is as though culture is pushing you to make some sort of groundbreaking change because of the new year. But what about those of us who are having a hard time reflecting? What about those of us who need more than a day to think about the trajectory of our next year, five years, ten years, etc?

Some of us just need a couple of days to breathe. If that is your next best step, then that is okay.

Personally, I have not written any goals for 2026 yet. I have reflected on all of the things that brought me joy in 2025. In fact, during 2025, I kept a “Joy Jar.” Most of the time (sometimes I forgot) when something brought me joy, I wrote it down on a scrap of paper and put it in the jar. It was really cool to spend time reviewing all of my moments of joy! Plus, it illustrated what things bring me the most joy. That’s pretty cool knowledge to have!

So knowing what brings me joy, why am I procrastinating on making goals? Simple. I’m not sure what I want my goals to be yet. I know what brings me joy, and I generally know my God-given purpose in life. I also know that there are about 1.7 million things that I would like to do. However, what I need to time to reflect on before setting goals is which of those things I like to do will actually support a bigger purpose. Spoiler, my love of “brain candy” phone games is 100% not supporting my bigger purpose. Facts.

Knowing I’m a little all over the place, what’s next for me?

Pray on it. No matter your faith (feel free to use any of my books if you need to find faith), take time to pray over what truly matters in your life. Pray for your heart, mind, and soul to be opened.
Think about your RIGHT NOW WHY. What is the thing that currently gets you out of bed even when you’ve only had two hours of sleep? What can you do in the next 90 days to fuel that RIGHT NOW WHY?
Visualize what you want your life to look like a year from now. On December 31, 2026, do you want to look back and go “Damn, I did a lot of cool things and am closer to my dreams!” or do you want to go, “Crap. Another year gone and nothing has changed.”
Revisit the dreams you have let go. Maybe you were writing a book that you’ve yet to finish (ME!), or maybe you have wanted to start a podcast. Are these things you really want in life or were they fleeting in a moment? Learning to distinguish lifelong dreams from flights of fancy is a BIG step!
Think about who will be impacted by your dreams coming true! What do you want them to take away from watching you go for your dreams?
When the time is right (within reason, like don’t want until November), write down your goal. Then break it into benchmarks with dates. Remember, a goal without a deadline is just a pipe dream! Also, it is okay if the date changes as long as you don’t give up!
Lastly, as you are working on your goals, remember it is normal if they are not easy or popular. Most things worth working for take hard work, determination, and may be viewed as strange. Do not let what others think stop you from achieving what you have been put on this earth to achieve. YOU CAN DO IT!

Guess it is time for me to take my own advice! Tomorrow, I’m going to get to work!

What about you? Do you know what your next steps are?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Words of Wisdom From a “Cool Aunt”

At this point in my life, I have had nearly twenty years of experience as an aunt either from being a chosen aunt to my friend’s kids or to those I am actually related because of Mr. Kisby. I’ve always fancied myself a “Cool Aunt” with my fake nose ring (one day it will be real), tendency to draw on myself, hobbies that many consider to be “teenage things,” love of a variety of music from multiple decades including today, and willingness to take the kids to do cool stuff. As someone who had a “Cool Aunt,” I always wanted to be one, so I’ve tried to do my best! However, now that some of my nieces and nephews are becoming young adults, I also want to be the aunt that shares some life advice that isn’t typically learned as part of a diploma pathway in high school or as part of a degree program in college. So here goes…

It is okay to not know what you want to do at 18, 21, 29, 39, or older. Yes, there are some people who know what they want to do from the time they are small, and their dream never changes. However, some of us are still learning even in are 40s. At one time, I wanted to be an actress. I even spent two years of college pursuing that dream before realizing that starving artist really doesn’t sound like a fun career choice to me. Then I wanted to be a business something that required not one but two business degrees. Then I ended up getting a Masters in Teaching. A long the way I also thought it would be cool to be a bar tender, writer, yoga instructor, barista, blogger, and life coach. Of those I only ever pursued writing and blogging, but sometimes I think others would be cool. I kind of just want to have a bar tending licence much like I’ve always wanted a motorcycle license even though I don’t actually want to drive a motorcycle. Guess what I currently do that I never would have dreamed about it my teens or 20s? I want to – and thank the good Lord I get to – be a homeschooling mama who works a few flexible contractor jobs for a little extra moo-lah. The point? It’s 100% okay if what your dream is changes!

There is never a perfect time for anything. If you spend your life waiting for the time to be right, then you are going to either (a) miss out on a lot of cool things while you’re waiting for perfection or (b) never do what you wanted to do. I first heard this lesson from a former co-worker who said “If you wait for the perfect time to have kids, then you’ll never have kids.” I think this sentiment is applicable to a lot of things, and I loved it because we spend so much time hearing “wait for the right time” or “it’s not the right time.” In practice this means try not to say things like “I’ll do X, Y, Z when I finish school” or “I’ll do X, Y, Z when I have a house.” Instead consider if you really want to do the thing in question, or if you know you want the thing, start planning how you can make it happen. Obviously, there are some things that have to wait for some timing. For example, “When I have been at a job for one year and saved money, I will buy a car” and “When I have $5,000, I will be able to rent an apartment, turn on utilities, and buy the basic necessities for a first apartment.” These are logical because one helps get the other. Just keep in mind there is a difference in things taking time and planning and waiting for the perfect moment.

It’s okay if your first big love isn’t your forever romance, and it’s okay if your first big love is your forever romance. Some people are lucky enough to meet the one they are meant to be with at a young age and have it all work out. Some of us don’t meet and date the one we are meant to be with until the second, third, or more relationship. It is okay to be one of these people too. The important part is finding a partner who you have common interests with that you will love just as much in your 70s as you did in your 20s or 30s. I’ve now loved Mr Kisby through three different age decades, and I can tell you with him I hit the jackpot! It took a broken road to get there, but as Rascal Flatts once said, “God blessed the broken road, that led me straight to you.” Along with common interests, it helps abundantly to find someone with similar religious/spiritual beliefs, a similar moral compass, and life goals. It also helps if your partner is someone you like along with loving them. Also, if your grandma doesn’t like your partner, take it has a hint and dump them. Grandmas are smart.

Have fun in life! Yes, being an “adult” is stressful, hard work, and involves a lot of boring things like paying bills, cleaning house, and having to make smart decisions liking eating at home versus going to fast food every night (which could lead to stomach issues so make sure your “adult” job as health insurance). However, you still have to find time to play. If you quit doing things that you find fun, then you’re missing out on a lot of good times. I’m an “adult” with several years of experience, but I still play video games, do stuff outside, chase my kid around, read books, color, paint, go on dates with my hubby, watch TV, sew, and hangout with friends occassionally. Doing those fun things are what keep you sane. Some of my best advice is to do one fun thing a day even if it’s just for five minutes. If you’ve got a lot of shit going on, set a timer on your phone for five minutes and until it goes off do something just for fun even if it’s just jamming out at max volume. Your mental and emotional health will thank you for having fun!

Last but not least, who you are as a person is 100% unique to you. As a kid you are often told what is right and wrong, what you should believe, etc. I can tell you from experience that it is okay if those things change for you as you grow. There are things that I thought were black and white issues. Now I can tell you that a lot of times there are gray areas, but that is because I have made a point of educating myself or have personally experienced the gray areas. You should do the same. Likewise, it is okay to recognize that something that was once commonplace is now offensive and to opt to change your perspective. I can also tell you for me personally, my faith in the Holy Trinity is a lot stronger now because of an almost decade long span where I didn’t attend church, pray, or really think about Jesus. But in the end, I found my way back, and having all those life experiences has made my faith stronger. It’s okay if the same has to happen with you. Likewise, it is okay to have been brought up with no spiritual/religious background and want to learn more about your options. It’s also okay to be steadfast in what you believe and never stray. No matter your story, you will end up where you’re supposed to be as long as you keep moving forward.

I could keep going, but man that’s a lot! And I know from experience that too much advice just goes in one ear and out the year because most of us don’t believe things until we experience them. Plus, a lot of us have the attention span of a goldfish, so some people may not have even read this far. This is a long post for me! Take it or leave it, those are all my words of wisdom as a “cool aunt.”

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

It’s Been a Minute

It’s been a minute since I took time to write a blog. There are several times in the last few weeks that I have considered writing. Many times when I considered writing, it was fueled by desire to express my feelings about something happening in the world, an ignorant comment seen on social media, or a passive aggressive and semi condescending tone of something said or posted. In those moments when I wanted to write, I was fiery, and I decided against writing no matter how good the blog sounded in my head. Why? Because if I had made those posts, then I would have been doing a thing that I dislike: falling for a trap.

Oftentimes I believe that people say certain things, make posts, etc in an attempt to get people fired up and arguing. Somewhere along the way, what were once topics of friendly debate have now become bait for starting arguments that have set friends and family against one another. There are times when I think the person doesn’t even believe what they are posting, yet they still post it just attempting to start a fight. It’s almost as though they get some sort of dopamine rush from making people upset. I get why people find themselves wanting to argue against ignorance, but when you fall into the trap of ignorance often you’re just hurting yourself as your point won’t be received.

Avoiding the trap can be hard, and I will say that there is a time for voicing one’s opinion. If you’re opinion defends someone who doesn’t have a voice, then by all means shout it from the proverbial rooftops. When feeling the need to say voice your opinion, here are somethings I would recommend considering:

Are your words coming from a place of emotion or reason? Remember that you can catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar! If you’re from the south, this is where the phrase “Bless your heart” can come into play!
Are your words really something you believe, or are you just retaliating? How often does your brain tell you something that you don’t believe whatsoever? In the heat of the moment, it can be so easy to spout off at the mouth, but here’s a secret. Once you say something, it cannot be undone. This is something I find myself working to correct as my mouth can be faster than my brain. Guess what? Even if forgiveness is granted, that doesn’t mean people forget what you said.
- Are your words something that you would want your kids to believe? Trust me from experience. Even if you don’t think your child is listening, they are picking up on the words you throw down. Eventually if they hear it enough, then they will start believing it.
Is starting a discussion with the person worth your time or the energy it will drain from you? Time and energy are limited resources. Do you really want to waste yours on something that doesn’t really matter, or do you want to look back at your day and fill accomplished and fulfilled?
Is making a comment really going to be beneficial to you and the other person, or could saying it damage your relationship? Relationships with people are fragile, and they way we say things can intentionally or unintentionally hurt them. I remember my grandmother once saying that I needed bangs because my forehead is big. I’m sure she didn’t really mean anything by it, but I still find myself thinking sometimes that my forehead is too big even though I’m pretty sure it is normal size.

Since it’s been a minute for me, I hope that it has also been a minute for you as it means you’re excelling at only responding when it matters and not getting trapped in an argument!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby