"My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea, and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me." – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Earlier today, I made this post on my Facebook page:
At 2:30 today, the weeds were still so high that you couldn’t see the sunflower lights. I’d been putting off weeding it for WEEKS because my mind was full of thoughts like:
*I can’t do this without help. *If I ask for help, it will seem like I can’t take care of myself. *I can’t do this, I have a toddler. When would I have time? *I need to use weed killer because my natural remedies haven’t worked. I can’t use weed killer! *If I weed the garden and use weed killer, I’ll have to shower afterwards and wash the clothes. Who has time for that?
Today, by 3:20, I had weeded it, gone over it with weed killer, put the clothes in the washer, and showered. It isn’t perfect, but it is much improved! Guess what? I did it by myself during toddler nap time (hubby was in the house while I was outside)! It didn’t take near the time I’d built up in my mind, and it wasn’t as hard as it was in my mind!It’s amazing what the brain can convince us we can’t do when we are perfectly capable of doing it!
While in the garden, I felt like I was in one of my two elements where I feel the most relaxed. When I’m in my relaxing element, I get a lot of deep thinking done. Today’s thoughts? One, our brains telling us something is impossible keeps us from achieving greatness. Two, why is the hardest thing in the world to ask for help?
The first thought came from me realizing how easy weeding the garden was. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I had built it up in my head as an impossible task. As I realized how simple it was, I started thinking about all the other things I’ve told myself are impossible over the years like “you’ll never be able to earn the use of a career car” and “you’ll never be able to lose weight”. How many of these am I actually able to accomplish? What all has my brain been holding me back from achieving? My conclusion? Stop listening to the brain say “you can’t” or “you aren’t”, rip the weed out so to speak, and say job well done everyday progress is made towards a goal! I know that’s easier said than done, but I feel realizing I can do things the brain says I can’t it’s a step in the right direction!
As for my second thought, it’s a doozy! It is super hard for me to ask for help. I feel like society engrains in us that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Like if you have to ask for help, then you’re not good enough to do it on your own or have no business doing it in the first place. Both of these are absurd given at some point in life we all need help to get things done! Last week when my AC needed fixing, I couldn’t have done it without a repairman’s help. No where in my skill set is AC repair! That was easy. Dishes piling up that I don’t have time to do today? I can’t ask for help, I’m supposed to be Super Mom/a Wife! Maybe that right there is the answer! Maybe asking for help is only hard when we feel like something is expected of us! Ooo…that really might be it! Either way, I hope that LilKsby grows up being willing to ask for help! I also hope that he never feels people are judging him for asking for help!
So those are my deep thoughts for the day! What are your deep thoughts today?
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged (April, I think), and it’s been a while since I’ve listened to the song of the same name! I had a goal of blogging more regularly, but that goal didn’t really work out. Why? I haven’t had writer’s block if that’s what you’re thinking. There have been plenty of things that I’ve wanted to write about on my blog. However, with the way things have been in the world, I feel like a lot of the things on my mind would have just led to arguments with readers. Confrontation and arguing are not on my list of favorite things to do, so I’ve kept my thoughts to myself.
That said…deep breath…here’s a little glimpse into what has been on my brain…
Thought 1 – The pandemic is still rearing it’s ugly head! After what seemed like some relief and a calm down in the spring, Delta is dominating the end of summer. If you had asked me in May, I would have told you that I really thought things would be close to “normal” by now. Sadly, I’m wrong and it seems like things are once again going to get worse before they start to stabilize and climb back to “normal”.
Thought 2 – Simone Biles is a hero! She is legit the Greatest Of All Time, and I’m so proud of her putting her mental health first and withdrawing from the Olympic competitions. Simone knew that she could physically hurt herself if she competed, and she made a point of preventing that from happening and prioritizing her mental well being. In the course of this decision, other Team USA members have earned medals that may not have done so. Simone has also brought light to an area that needs lots of awareness: mental health awareness! Did I mention that she deals daily with ADHD and the trauma of sexual abuse? Simone Biles is AMAZING!
Thought 3 – Masks…once I was fully vaccinated, I didn’t know how I would feel about wearing a mask in public still. I went in public a few times without one, and it turns out that I still like masking up. One of the reasons I still like it is because LilKsby isn’t eligible for a vaccine yet. Keeping him safe from the pandemic is still a top priority. Another reason I still like masking up is because I don’t want to inadvertently carry the virus to someone else. Also, breakthrough infections are becoming more and more prevalent. Plus, my mask is kind of a security blanket. It’s kept me safe for over a year, so it’s hard to just take off and leave behind. This is my feeling about masks, and I realize that everyone has their own opinions. All I ask is that you not bully me over my mask.
Thought 4 – Travel…I miss travel! We stayed in a cabin at a state park for a weekend back in May, and it was amazing! Since then we haven’t gone anywhere overnight. We did go the aquarium, IKEA, and Jungle Jim’s on a daytrip, but otherwise we’ve stayed in our little area. Part of my missing travel is to keep looking at future vacation options. I’ve got all kinds of travel plans in my head! I just need to hit the lottery and have the pandemic get under control so that I can feel safe to go!
Thought 5 – The best part about summer break is being home with my little family! I love all of the little things we get to do throughout the day. I love snuggles! I love art time! I love library time! I love sleeping later than usual! I love not having to eat fast because of 20 minute lunch breaks! Summer break is amazing!!! Back to school blues are for real because even though my school life is fun, my mama/wife/family life is always my number one! Another reason I need to win the lottery? Every day could be like summer break!
Wow! That’s a lot of thoughts! Getting them out in writing is very therapeutic and freeing for the mind. I hope that none of my words have offended anyone, and I hope that the posts will become more frequent! I’ve missed blogging!
If you’ve followed my blog for a while, then you know that I have a tendency to use quotes from F Scott Fitzgerald and The Great Gatsby. I really like the book because of the glimpse it provides into the history of the 1920s (Fitzgerald did a great job of intermingling fact worth fiction) and the attitudes of society’s elite during this time. I equate it to a 1920s version of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. When that show first came on TV, I must admit that I was intrigued because I hadn’t heard of them (I remembered Johnny Cochran from the OJ Simpson trial not Robert Kardashian), and I wanted to know why the entertainment industry thought I should want to know about the lives of a rich family that seemed to be 50% train wreck and 50% fashion entrepreneurs. For the record, after so many years of them being in the media, I don’t understand why they still draw so much attention. However, it seems to work for them, so I don’t judge (like Nick Carraway).
In addition to the insight into 1920s, I also love the hope that Gatsby embodies. I find it quite admirable (even though his intentions were EXTREMELY questionable) that he never gives up hope even when so many others would’ve thrown in the towel. (Leonardo DiCaprio’s portrayal of Gatsby may have something to do with the obsession as well.) However, a quote from the character of Lucy in the Netflix movie Moxie brings up a great question: “I think the real question is, why are we still reading this book? It’s written by some rich white guy about some rich white guy.” As an avid reader and high school English teacher, I think Lucy raises a great question. Why are we still teaching something that seems so archaic in content? As I was teaching Gatsby today (chapter 7 for those who like exact context), I realized that the reason we teach Gatsby still is to illustrate the dilemma with the American Dream and how it has remained broken all these years.
From the onset Gatsby’s dream is broken. His dream – which is based on lies that he fabricated about his persona – revolves around the desire to shatter a marriage (Tom and Daisy) and take the piece he wants for himself (Daisy) with no regard for how it will impact those involved (cough…the daughter…cough…her name is Pammy since people tend to forget it). Gatsby’s dream is so deeply rooted in the past that at times Gatsby seems unable to comprehend that five years have gone by since his month of love with Daisy. He legitimately does not seem to understand why Daisy can’t just say she never loved Tom because he cannot fathom that she’s had an enjoyable life without him.
Beyond this inability to comprehend the five years since they were together, Gatsby’s dream of Daisy is corrupted by money. Knowing how much Daisy loves money (her voice is full of it after all), Gatsby equates having boat loads of money with happiness. I get that for many people having money is part of the American Dream, but there is also a big difference in having enough money to live without worry and having so much money that opulence seems to be a requirement and not optional. This money being equivalent to happiness adds more to Gatsby’s dilemma as it blurs the line between his love for Daisy and her materialism. Love might be part of the American Dream, but is materialism really a dream or a burden?
Having deep roots in the past and equating money with love aren’t the only broken aspects of the American Dream in Gatsby. The character of Tom Buchanan represents some of the most broken aspects of the American Dream. On the surface, he seems to have it all: a wife, a child, a mansion, millions of dollars, and athleticism. However, while he seems to be living the American Dream on the surface, Tom is actually a racist, sexist, classist, womanizer who is abusive to his wife and his girlfriend. Nothing about these personality traits are what I would consider to be aspects of the American Dream!!!!
So why do we still teach The Great Gatsby? My theory (besides having a reason to show a DiCapio film) is to provide the youth of today with a cautionary tale. I feel like teaching this novel helps to show that things associated with “the dream life” are morally questionable and can create more dilemmas than dreams. I also believe that the novel serves as a great reminder that societal problems we have today have actually been plaguing our country for a long time (Gatsby did come out almost 100 years ago). It provides a great reminder that until people change, then dreams will continue to be broken. My hope, when I teach Gatsby, is that kids will see it as a model of what not to do and encourage them to go about their dreams the right way. Much like Gatsby, I do believe in the green light only my green light is a lot more moral! In fact, I believe in hope so much (and have such a big desire to write my own great American novel) that I chose to be The Great Kaysby! My personal response to the novel is to never give up hope and never stop dreaming!
As another Spring Break comes to a close, there are a multitude of thoughts swirling through my head. Like so many times when this happens, I feel like the best thing to do is attempt to sort them out in writing. Why do it in a blog? Because I’m sure if I’m thinking these things, there is someone else out there who can relate.
Thought 1 – On any given day, you can be both the “picture perfect” mama and “a chicken with her hair on fire” mama. Yesterday, I was the mama who takes the family to the Farmer’s Market in order to shop local and organic. That’s helping other families financially while helping the health of my family! We also did our grocery pickups because we meal plan like champs (even though often the plan gets tweaked midweek when a frozen pizza us substituted into the lineup). Then, we napped for three hours, woke up just in time for bath time, and the realization that we never had dinner. That’s when you go to Dominos in your pajamas with a messy bun and allow your toddler to eat greasy pizza way too late at night while staying up way past their bedtime! This was a great contrast to the “picture perfect” me who had taken the toddler to the library twice earlier in the week, taught him about gardening and growing our own vegetables, and the importance of family outings on nature trails and to the zoo! Spoiler alert, with all that teaching of good things, I may have relied on McDonalds and Burger King a little too much this week! Why both? Because one has $1 drinks and good fries, and the other has Whoppers.
Thought 2 – Flexibility is a way of life. I had these great ambitions of a “self spa” day where I was going to color my hair, do a charcoal mask, and paint my nails. All of these are great thoughts, but when you take a three hour nap while snuggling a toddler who then goes to bed two hours late, the thoughts stay thoughts. For a minute, I was kind of upset about it, then I realized that at least I got a shower and to pluck my eyebrows (they were pretty unsightly…not to mention a dead giveaway that I color my hair when they are thicker). Sometimes it’s the little things that make you smile!
Thought 3 – Does it ever become easier to go back rib work after breaks? Don’t get me wrong. I like my job, but I LOVE being a wife and mom. After a whole week of just getting to be a wife and mom, it is really hard to go back to both. As much as you try, it is really hard to be fully there for both. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has thoughts such as “Did I take the chicken out for dinner?” and “Did I switch the baby’s laundry out?” while at work. Likewise, at home during wife/mom time sometimes I can’t help but think about things that happened at work that day especially if something didn’t get finished that I wanted to complete. Once I get back into the swing of both, it’s always fine. There’s just always that dread the day before returning since it requires sacrificing time with those you love most.
Thought 4 – Why are people so quick to change their tunes based on popular opinions even when they are founded in misconceptions? Just a year ago, the general public was celebrating teachers for their flexibility and quick ability to adapt to non-traditional methods of providing instruction. People were actually talking about how teachers deserved higher pay! Now, some of the same public acts like teachers are horrible, selfish human beings because they put their own families needs first and/or have been anxiety ridden by all the pandemic protocols. FYI…this school year has required more work than any other year in order to meet the needs of all students.
My random thoughts might not make a lot of sense; however, they are a little more sorted out! Just like I knew they would be. 😊 I hope that whatever random thoughts you’re having tonight, you can sort them out too.
Photo from Dominic Hernandez’s FAST FACTS: MATERNITY LEAVE POLICIES ACROSS THE GLOBE
They say you should advocate for what you’re passionate about and attempt to make a change. Since having LilKsby in 2019, I’ve wanted to advocate for better paternity leave in our country. This week, I got a wild hair, and decided to contact my state legislators asking them to do something about improving parental leave. The next day a co-worker sent me a Tweet saying the Louisville Metro Council approved paid parental leave for city employees for twelve weeks following the birth or adoption of a child. Their approval was unanimous! City of Louisville employees are very lucky that the Louisville Metro Council has their back on parental leave. Many people in the United States aren’t so lucky.
Until having LilKsby, I didn’t know much about parental leave. All I knew of it had come from working in the Personnel Department before taking the job I have now. Based on that experience, I assumed that it was the norm to give new mothers six weeks of leave (eight weeks for a C-section) and require the mothers to use either a combination of sick and personal days if they wanted to get paid (and were lucky to have 30-40 to cover the time) or take leave without pay. I had never had reason to look into the policy of other places, so foolishly I made a presumption that this was just how it was everywhere. SHAME ON ME! One should never make presumptions!
My first taste of better parental leave came from Mr Kisby’s job at the time. He was provided with quite the combination of fully and partially paid leave, and he did not have to use any of his vacation time! I was shocked when he told me how good of parental leave his employer provided. His was so good that when you added his time and my time together, LilKsby didn’t have to go to a babysitter until he was three and a half months old!
Since our experience with parental leave, I’ve found myself frequently thinking about the parental leave provided around the world. Did you know that “the United States is the only high-income country, as classified by the World Bank, that does not have paid maternity leave” (Hernandez)? Yes, the United States has employers who provide paid parental leave; however, there is no federally mandated parental leave for births or adoptions. FMLA does cover 12 weeks of unpaid leave for new parents, but the only thing that helps with is securing a position to return to after the time is up. Anyone who has ever had a baby or adopted a child knows that there are A LOT of expenses incurred during parental leave. Unless you’ve been saving for a long time or are willing to rack up debt, going unpaid for 12 weeks is not a viable option for many people.
Here’s another fun thing I learned while on maternity leave with LilKsby that I never knew. Did you know that the recommendations of pediatricians is that babies should not be going out in public until after they’ve had their first vaccinations at 8 weeks old? I didn’t know that! I found it very interesting that pediatricians make this recommendation, yet employers force parents to put their children in daycare at 6 weeks old (or younger) by not paying the new parents beyond that point. Something doesn’t add up with that math!
I can also speak from my own experience that six weeks (or eight weeks in my C-section having case) is not enough for a lot of babies to start breastfeeding consistently and correctly. Our journey was 10 1/2 weeks to achieve accurate breastfeeding. If I hadn’t have been able to fenagle 11 weeks of leave because of summer break and skipping workshops, then we never would’ve achieved the breastfeeding success that I knew would provide the best health for my baby.
I fully realize that not everyone in the world will ever need parental leave. However, I guarantee you that everyone will have a friend or family member that needs to use parental leave at some point. That said, I think it is time that we (everyone who comes across this and all of their family and friends) advocate for better parental leave in this country. America loves to say they are the best at everything, so it is time to make that a reality when it comes to parental leave. I encourage all of my readers to do some research, write to their legislators, and take action to help encourage improvement in the area of parental leave!
I’ll put my soapbox away now. I love you and good night!
Today, I got a “Shot of Hope”! I got my second dose of the Covid vaccine! When I got the first one in February, there was a since of relief that the light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter. Now that I’ve had the second dose, I’m filled with hope!
I am filled with hope to hug people outside of my household soon.
I have hope that friends who haven’t seen their parents and grandparents since last March will get to see them soon.
I have hope that Mr Kisby will be able to get it soon along with all of our loved ones!
I have hope to see people in person that I haven’t felt comfortable visiting since last March.
I have hope that LilKsby will get to safely have play dates.
I have hope to be able to travel without worry so we can show LilKsby the world.
I have hope that we will start hearing more and more survival stories than stories of death or other long term impacts.
I have hope from the “Shot of Hope” that a brighter future will be here in the next few months.
Frankly, it feels AMAZING to have so much hope! For so long it seemed like there was not light at the end of the tunnel; it seemed like the pandemic was never going to come to a state of control (a true end still seems like an impossibility). There was a time when it seemed like we were never going to see people outside of our household or travel ever again. Those times were hard, so to have hope again is an extraordinary feeling!
I hope this extraordinary feeling keeps going; I hope that I can keep from getting brought down by those who don’t share my hope. Believe me, I understand that there are people who do not want to get the vaccine. I understand that there are people who have not been as cautious as me and my family have been. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, whether I agree or not, in any situation. As someone who understands, all I ask is that you don’t rain on my parade of hope. For me, the vaccine gives me hope for a better tomorrow…in a couple of weeks when it’s reached the max level of effectiveness!
Last night when people across the country went to bed, a woman had never been Vice President of the United States. Today, just before noon, that changed forever when Vice President Kamala Harris changed history by taking the Vice Presidential Oath of Office. Whether you voted for Biden and Harris or not, you cannot deny the significant historical change of today!
As an elementary aged girl in the late 80s and 90s, I remember hearing the question “Would you rather be the first woman in the NBA or the first woman president?” Understand that this also predates the WBNA being formed. I remember saying first woman in the NBA with hesitation partially because I wanted to give “the cool” answer, but also because the idea that a woman could be president seemed impossible at the time. Truth be told, even though my own state had a female governor from the time I was seven months old until I was four, the idea of women having a major impact on politics seemed impossible at the time. Watching history be changed today, I wish I could go back and tell nine or ten year old me, “Just you wait. Women will have power politically in America!” Guess what? Today, we have that power!
Many years after being that little girl, as I look at the world through “mom eyes”, I am beyond thrilled that LilKsby – who is partially Pacific Islander – will grow up in a world where he sees that all people regardless of race, ethnicity, or gender CAN achieve political offices that once seemed impossible. I am tickled pink that the first Vice President he will remember is a female of color! I am also elated that his peers will grow up in a country where doors have been opened for everyone! Doesn’t that make you feel the empowerment behind the historical changes today?
History aside, I made two other thought changing observations today. Did you know that the Hebrew meaning of the word “Salem” is peace? How ironic that a place where the name of the town meant peace would be synonymous with witch trials! Also, did you notice the number of officials wearing purple at the inauguration today? Think about it…if you take red (Republican) and blue (Democrat) and mix them together, you get purple. What a great symbolic gesture of unity! What if as this change grows the country went from red or blue to all together purple? Peace could be in the works! Peace in our land would be another great change to history!!
Anyone else feel like if one thing doesn’t go right then they beat themselves up so bad mentally that the rest of the evening is shot? I’m sure I’m not the only one! About 21 hours into 2021, this happened to me for the first time in the New Year. Now it’s 22 hours into 2021, and I can assure you that sometimes you just need to breathe, take control, and everything will work out.
Without going into a lot of details, last night I thought I placed an Amazon order that had to be received before 2020 ended. Tonight, I realized the order never went through. My response was to mentally berate myself so much that I didn’t want to do anything except for sit and be mad at myself. After a few minutes, I logged onto my health account, chatted with a rep (who just happened to be working on New Year’s Day), and realized that I didn’t lose any money. I immediately felt relieved, and I now have a better understanding of how my health account operates. I ended the chat feeling immensely relieved, a little silly for getting so upset, and proud of myself for taking the initiative to attempt to do something about the whole situation which led to a good outcome.
This little story is a great reminder that sometimes we just need to breathe and take control in anyway we can. It is also a reminder that this is something I need to continuously work on improving. I’d been attempting to think all day about things I need to work on during 2021, and I kept making excuses for why I couldn’t think about it at a given time. As it turns out, I didn’t need think time; I just needed a bump in the road to remind me of what I need to improve in 2021. I just need to remember to breathe and take control when things seems to not go as expected!
Here’s to just breathing and taking control! Happy 2021!
Hello readers! I haven’t blogged here in a while because I have been participating in NANOWRIMO 2020. This year instead of a fictional novel, I have been writing daily reflections. I thought that I would share some snippets from my reflections. Enjoy!
from 30 Days of Reflection “Day 1 – November 1”
Why am I so excited about a little joy and relaxation? If 2020 has taught us anything, it has taught us that we have to find joy in things. If that means putting up a Christmas tree on November 1, then by all means do it! I think that one of the biggest things that is currently neglected in our society is the willingness to find joy in little things. Society as a whole seems to project that joy has to come from grandiose gestures or activities, but I find that the little things in life can be some of the most joy bringing (like my Christmas tree). This year I have reached this conclusion about life. If it doesn’t bring you joy, then don’t do it. If it does bring you joy, then do it.
As far as relaxation, that has undoubtedly been hard during this pandemic. It is easy to go down a rabbit hole of “Am I doing my part to stop the spread?” or “Am I going to catch the virus and die?” Relaxing during a pandemic can be downright difficult. There are so many expectations by society, family members, jobs, friends, etc that the idea of relaxing can seem about as easy as learning how to juggle flaming swords. However, relaxation is extremely important. If we can never relax, then we will literally drive ourselves mad and into health issues from stress and anxiety. (I should know, I’m the Queen of Anxiety Land!)
Therefore, I go back to my Christmas tree. The day may have been exhausting leading up to the putting up of said Christmas tree. However, the next time I go downstairs, I know that I’m going to feel joy and relaxation as soon as I see that glow.
Thanks for checking out my first excerpt! Also, in case you wondered, that glow has made me feel relaxed and joyful for 20 days running!
Happy Wellness Wednesday! For our family on this particular Wednesday, wellness has meant family flu shots. Yup, flu shots all around! However, wellness doesn’t just have to mean something associated with a vaccine or physical ailment. Wellness can be associated with mental and emotional health just as much as physical. In fact, I personally believe that mental and emotional health is more important than the physical health! Anybody agree?
No matter what Wellness Wednesday means to you, I thought you might enjoy my favorite wellness tips.
Stay hydrated! Drink plenty of water! Why? One, dehydration blows. Seriously, some of the worst I’ve ever felt was when dehydrated. Two, water is great for your skin. Three, it’s been proven than drinking water actually helps you stay awake more than caffeine (ties in with hydration and no crash factor). Plus, water can be super tasty! I’m sure I’m not the only person who loves to infuse their water with flavors!
Get outside! I’ve always said that Seasonal Affective Disorder was a thing even before it had that title. Getting out in the sun and being part of nature can improve any mood. There’s something invigorating about going for a walk on a crisp day! There’s also something about nature (for me especially around bodies of water) that can provide you with so much clarity about life.
Nap Like a Toddler! Lilksby is in that stage where somedays he needs a 30 minute nap, and other days he needs a 2 hour nap. It’s all relative to how much sleep he’s had and the activities of the day. However, no matter the amount of time the nap is, he wakes up refreshed and ready to go for the rest of the day. We all could use those little boosts. So nap like a toddler!
Self Care Isn’t Selfish! How many of you feel guilty when you take time for you? I know this can be an easy trap to find yourself in, but I firmly believe that self care makes you better for all those you’re around. If you aren’t feeling your best, then you won’t be your best self for them. Self care doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as taking a bubble bath, doing a face mask, exercising by yourself, or sitting with a book and a glass of wine. I recommend self care at least a couple times a week. If you’re a planner, then plan for Self Care Sunday and Wellness Wednesday.
Read or Write! I tell people all the time that it doesn’t matter what you read or write, but there’s something about those activities that can make you feel more alive. I think it is because when you’re reading or writing, you’re actively engaging more of your brain than if you’re just staring at a screen watching mindless videos. (Don’t get me wrong, mindless videos have their place especially when I’m sick. I just don’t think they promote better wellness.) I know that for me, reading promotes wellness because it is so engaging and to a degree has me thinking instead of just responding especially if I’m reading a mystery or piece that promotes rhetorical thinking. I also believe that writing is one of the things that keeps me the most sane whether it is for this blog, a brain dump, gratitude journal, or friendly note to someone. For me reading and writing wellness keep my brain from becoming mush! Figuratively of course!
Those are my thoughts on promoting wellness. What are your Wellness Wednesday thoughts?
Remember Schrodinger’s cat? If you never opened the box was the cat still alive, or was the cat dead? As long as the box was never opened, then both sides could be argued. Awaiting for Covid test results is kind of like being Schrodinger’s cat. Until the test comes back if you are someone with symptoms, do you act like you’re positive or like you’re negative? Last week, this was our reality.
It all began with both myself and Mr Kisby having the worst headaches we’ve ever had (neither of us get migraines), horrible body aches, chills, and feeling beyond exhausted. We felt the responsible thing to do given how many people I’m around was to get tested. That was on Saturday afternoon. The test itself while uncomfortable wasn’t as horrific as I thought it would be. Then came the waiting…
There are two ways you can wait for your Covid test results. You could pretend you never took it and go about business as usual. If you do this and the results do come back positive, then you could inadvertently infect an abundance of unsuspecting people depending on your level of activity. You could continue going to work, going out and about like it’s business as usual, attend church, go to games, etc.
Or you could go with the idea of “positive until proven negative”. With this mentality, you quarantine yourself and avoid all others outside your household until the results come back. This way you minimize the possibility of spreading the virus to loved ones (and strangers for that matter) and maximize the ability to rest and recuperate while waiting your test results. For us, this mentality was a no brainer. If we had the virus, then the last thing we wanted to do was spread it to our family and co-workers. Calm me crazy, but a pandemic is no time to think “an eye for an eye”. A pandemic is a time to be the bigger person and attempt to stop the spread!
It made for a long few days from Saturday until the Thursday when we got our results. There was a lot of feeling Schrodinger’s poor cat! Thankfully, when the results finally arrived, we ended up testing negative!
Have you been tested for Covid? What was it like waiting for your results?
As I was trying to gather my thoughts this evening, I saw this post that someone had shared on Facebook from Education to the Core. What I was struggling to put into words, this picture sums up perfectly. By the end of each day, this is currently how I feel. Why? Because I care.
On the surface caring seems like a great thing. It’s good to care about others and to follow the golden rule of doing unto others as you would have them do to you. It can also be absolutely exhausting. On a typical day, these are things (some overlap and many occur multiple times) that I care about at some point during the day:
Am I being a good mom to LilKsby even though I’m so tired when I get home that there are days I just want to sit and stare at the wall?
Am I being a good wife Mr Kisby by helping around the house and with LilKsby?
Am I going to feel worse about going to bed early and getting physical rest than I would if I did everything I need to get done?
Am I disappointing others when I’m not good company to be around because I’m so exhausted (and some days defeated feeling) after work?
Am I disappointing others when I say “no” to things?
Am I protecting my family from the virus the best I can while maintaining some “peace of mind”?
Am I not looking at the costs of short term “peace of mind” in the long term picture?
Am I selfish for wanting time to “do nothing” and attempt to just relax and have fun?
Am I the only one wearing a mask in public because I care about the health of those around me?
Am I the only one that hasn’t resumed all “normal” activities because there’s still a pandemic going on in the world?
Am I doing any good by washing my clothes and showering as soon as I get home?
Am I following the most correct, most up to date guidance from trusted officials?
Am I the only one that five weeks into school still feels like I don’t know what’s really going on around me on pretty much a daily basis?
Am I protecting my students from Covid?
Am I cleaning their work areas thoroughly enough?
Am I forgetting to clean things that should be obvious high touch points?
Am I sanitizing my own hands enough to prevent spread?
Am I sanitizing my hands so much that it scares my students?
Am I instructing my students in a way that is effective while protecting them from illness?
Am I sanitizing the Chromebook that I take from class to class enough?
Am I doing a good enough job of hiding my emotions every time a student asks a “what if” scenario that I don’t know how to answer?
Am I being a good model in regards to mask practices?
Am I following every “normal” school policy while also implementing all the pandemic policies?
Are my students getting their basic needs met (adequate food, shelter, etc) on their “at home” days?
Am I the only one who wants to shut off thoughts about the day and enjoy home once there that can’t do it?
I fully realize that sometimes right now it may seem like I don’t care. The truth is the exact opposite. I care so much that it is absolutely exhausting emotionally and mentally (sometimes physically) on a daily basis. I think that’s why I like being home so much and find it fun to engage in virtual activity. It allows me to attempt to forget my cares, which could be interchanged with my worries, for just a fraction of time within the safety of my own home.
So until the pandemic quells, I’m going to do my best to not be like Kermit in the meme as I know no one will ever go for work a day, off a day, work a day, off a day schedule. I’m going to attempt to do my best for others while not neglecting myself, and I’m going to try to be the best me I can be. Wish me luck!
According to the calendar today is Thursday, but in my head it felt more like Monday #3 of the week. I’m sure that I’m not the only one feeling the mental exhaustion associated with “Back to School Covid Edition”. The mental exhaustion seemed to have reached it’s peak this evening when I legit just wanted to sit in my chair and not make any decisions. This level of exhaustion makes things like the pork we were supposed to have for dinner expiring three days ago seem like catastrophes instead of inconveniences. When this level is reached, the best thing I can do is step back and enjoy the simple things in life.
The tone of the day changed completely when I let go of the day’s stress and decided to only do fun, simple things the rest of the evening. The first simple thing was to pour a cold drink (Diet Coke for the win) and sit on the front porch. Until this summer, I never understood why my grandma always found sitting on the front porch to be so relaxing. However, after having sat out there quite a few times over the summer, I’ve realized that it is peaceful to just sit and watch the world around you. I also enjoy waving at people as they go by because it always seems as though they don’t know how to respond. The next simple thing that led to a better today was playing in the rain when the storm broke lose. I held LilKsby tight, and we ran around the house in the rain. My socks were so soaked that they felt as heavy as actual shoes, but it was the most exhilarating, freeing feeling of the day! Nothing can wash your cares away like a warm, summer rain! Then, since it wasn’t quite time for a bath, I held LilKsby while he played with his markers (washable ones thankfully) and colored a kitty. Snuggles and art are a great combination for relaxing! The final simple thing? Breaking out my calendar, making a to do list, and completing it! Now, I’m relaxing in bed to type this blog, and I’m going to be snuggled under the covers before 9:30! Boom!
On paper, none of the simple things that I did this evening seem like much. None of them are based on necessity, and none of them lead to profound revelations about the existence of humankind. However, these simple things did put me in a much better mood which will help me rest easier. On a day that feels like Monday #3, I call that a win!
Check out these links to see items that were part of my simple things!
Once again it is time to say good-bye to summer as we return to school. No matter what your stance is on returning to school, I believe we can all agree that this has been the most bizarre summer of our lifetimes (unless your over 102 and can remember the Spanish Flu Pandemic of 1918). Never before have we had to consider social distancing rules when going to the grocery store; never before have we had to remember to always have a mask with us so that we can be sure to follow mandates. We’ve experienced the closure of summer activities like swimming at public pools, the switch from in person to virtual summer camps, and the cancellation of favorite parts of summer such as vacations. You always hear about how summer can change people, and I think that is more true of this summer than anyone that I’ve ever faced.
For some of us, change is a very hard thing especially when it comes to personal growth as often times personal growth is difficult. In my own life, this summer has taught me to not be afraid to stand up for my beliefs. As someone who doesn’t necessarily like confrontation, this can be very difficult. However, I’ve realized that my beliefs are important, and when I don’t let them be heard, then it impacts me internally in a negative way. This summer has also taught me that sometimes you need to tell people no even though you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Again, as someone who likes to make everyone happy, this is a difficult task. However, I’ve discovered that if you’re always a “Yes Man”, then you’re denying taking care of yourself in the process. Self care is very important! I’ve always said that if you don’t take care of yourself, then you can’t be your best self for everyone else. That’s been very true this summer!
Another key part of this summer has been the difficulty of learning how to deal with the unknown. This is the hardest for me. While I may not necessarily like to have everything planned to a T, I do like having the ability to be in control of situations. (Which is why I like to drive instead of be the passenger.) During this pandemic, there has been very little over which I’ve truly had control. I can’t control mandates; I can’t control the actions of other people; I can’t control the impact of the virus. What I can control is my response to all of those things. There have been days when my response is crying and feeling sick because of the things I cannot control. There have been other days when I’ve been able to lose myself in fun things and enjoy each moment. Most days, a combination of both happens. Thankfully, I’ve got a great circle that loves me on all the days!
As we enter the last four days before teachers have to report to school, it would be really easy to have four of the rough days. However, my plan is to immerse myself in the fun moments because come Monday, I really have no control over what happens. If the weather holds, then this means four days of splash pad time with LilKsby, reading on my Kindle, painting, and finding some activities to look forward to throughout the rest of the year (this is always a mood helper for me).
As we go into the unknown of the school year, I know I’m going to have to keep working on dealing with the unknown. I also plan to keep standing up for my beliefs, and I plan to keep being okay with saying no. One thing this summer has taught me is that LilKsby observes a lot of what Mr Kisby and I do. I want him to observe positive changes in us that he will embrace in his own life as he grows up.
It’s Monday, August 3, and after four fun filled days, my Twitch channels I followed are all offline, I’ve only gotten one Discord notification, and I found myself asking Siri to roll a D20 because I was having gaming withdrawals. For those of us in the gaming world, today’s the Monday after Gen Con (aka “the best four days in gaming”) and we’re all feeling like something is missing. To those of you not in the gaming world, Gen Con is a four day convention that typically happens every year in Indy. During the convention, attendees can game pretty much 24 hours a day and participate in more events than the mind can comprehend. However, like a lot of conventions, this year Gen Con Indy became Gen Con Online because of Covid-19. Brace yourself…the following is my review of Gen Con Online.
Hedgehog Hop on the Sovranti App
Sensational Sovranti – Hands down the best part of the weekend was playing Sushi Go, Hedgehog Hop, and Truck Off on the Sovranti App. Sovranti was there running games online because after two and a half years of work the app is about to go into Beta. Sovranti wanted to let Gen Con Online attendees try it out in order to get some early feedback. Great news? They started taking that feedback and immediately fixing bugs in the app. Problems I had on Thursday were not encountered during my events on Saturday and Sunday! An additional bonus? The Sovranti folks were AMAZING! Huge shoutouts to Dani and Jason for their awesome GM-ing and friendliness! By the end of the weekend, Dani knew who I was by my voice. That’s pretty awesome! They also had a GM named Mark who was phenomenal! He ran my session of Hedgehog Hop, and he just happened to be the artist who designed all of the illustrations for the game!
Excellent and Not So Excellent Events – At any con there is the potential for events to be excellent. Some of my most excellent events for Gen Con Online were the seminars on teaching and gaming in the classroom! I’ve always wanted to attend Trade Day at Gen Con Indy, but I’ve either been in school already or at Professional Development. Thus, I was very happy to get to do some of these seminars. The one with Kathleen and Catherine was AWESOME! There was also a fun game called Trophies from Facade Games that was a fun event! I also have to give Facade Games props for working through technical difficulties and not giving up! Unfortunately, there were some not so excellent events. Also, a bit of advice: if you’re going to run a game or give a seminar, whether it is in person or online, you need to have more personality than a blueberry muffin. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some blueberry muffins! However, if you’re trying to hold my attention for more than five minutes then you’ve got to have some charisma. Also, a problem with solely Gen Con Online has to do with motion sickness. There are certain video game camera angles that make me sick. The entire time I was doing a demo on Tabletopia, I thought I was going to get sick. After the demo, I had to go take Extra Strength Tylenol in order to make it through the rest of the evening.
The Looking Glass
Exhibition Hall – One of my favorite parts of the Gen Con experience is the Exhibition Hall. At Gen Con Indy, within the Exhibition Hall there are crammed over 500 booths with artists, authors, and game companies. The Exhibition Hall is AMAZING because you can talk to vendors, watch/participate in quick game demos, haggle for bargains, and collect freebies such as pins that you never knew you even needed until somebody handed it to you. With Gen Con Online, they attempted to replicate the exhibition hall experience via The Looking Glass (still open until August 30). The idea of The Looking Glass was great! But the execution of The Looking Glass left something to be desired. The extensive vendor list would have been a lot easier to browse with more than four filters, and my laptop had a difficult time with the interface. I could also tell that some of the vendors didn’t take a lot of time with their Looking Glass promos because they didn’t include any descriptions, product image thumbnails, or even links to their social media. If they didn’t provide descriptions or thumbnails, then I didn’t even go to their website. I also feel like I didn’t pay as much attention to the vendors after getting through the “G’s” or so on the list because it was kind of exhausting to read through. Plus, on The Looking Glass nobody handed me free dice or collectible pins. At real Gen Con, I would’ve literally spent an entire day going through the Exhibition Hall, but at Gen Con Online, I just didn’t have the desire to keep clicking.
What was missing by having Gen Con Online? There were two main things missing for me with Gen Con Online beside the Exhibition Hall encounters. One, the gaming library. For those who want to try as many new games as they can get their hands on, the gaming library is the place to be. This is where you can go for hours and hours and play games that they have on hand. The last two times we went in person, the gaming library was my second favorite ticketed event. (You have to remember in 2014, I accidentally entered a National King of Tokyo tournament and came in 3rd Place, so that’s hard to beat.) The second thing that was missing was the social scene of Gen Con. I looked outside my house, and there was no Georgia Street packed full of food trucks or a beer garden. There wasn’t a Sun King set up with the official beer of Gen Con. There wasn’t a tent serving “island noodles” which just might be the best noodles on the planet! I could stream music performances, but it wasn’t the same as jamming to bands playing live. Other little things were missing like pool time in the hotel, pick up games at random hours, and people waving you over to a table to jump in a game with an empty seat.
“Batman Day”
Gen Con Online Greatness – All of this said, if Gen Con had been in Indy and not online this year, then I wouldn’t have been able to go. Could you imagine LilKsby at a four day gaming convention? He would’ve been amused for maybe an hour, but since we were home he had a ball at Gen Con. While me and Mr Kisby listened to streams or participated in events, LilKsby played with his toys. He also joined in on some of the Zooms and Google Meets since he likes to see the people that live in the computer. Another perk? We weren’t rushing to pack up the car before checkout on Sunday, and we didn’t have a long car trip home. We also made it fun by having theme days as far as how we dressed each day. The best two were definitely Cat Day and Batman Day. We also saved A LOT of money by not having to pay for badges, a hotel, gas, and meals. We also didn’t buy nearly as many games as we usually would at Gen Con because we didn’t really get to try very many. There were some definite perks to Gen Con Online.
Where Can Gen Con Online Go From Here? I think that even when Gen Con Indy can resume, then Gen Con Online is still worth continuing. In an ideal situation, I think Gen Con Online would be great to have during the winter – like February or March – when it is cold and people want to game without leaving their homes. I also think that Gen Con Online reached a wider international audience than Gen Con Indy does as it could all be accessed anywhere with internet. No one had to worry about 24 hour flights to Indy! One of the biggest draws of Gen Con Online this year was also that it was free to attend and many events were free. Gen Con has already said that to continue Gen Con Online, then they would have to charge money. I think this would be okay provided the experience involved more events that I couldn’t have found and streamed free without even registering for Gen Con online. I also think that to charge for Gen Con Online, there would need to be something in it for me. For example, if Gen Con Online were $25, then getting a set 7 piece set of Gen Con specific dice and 25% off my official Gen Con merchandise would make the $25 worth it. Another idea would be for the $25 fee to include some event vouchers.
I totally won this game!
Overall, I feel like with the small amount of time they had to switch from Gen Con Indy to Gen Con Online that Gen Con LLC did a good job. In reality, one probably shouldn’t even compare Gen Con Indy and Gen Con Online as it is kind of like comparing Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi. Diet Coke (Gen Con Indy) is always the better choice, but Diet Pepsi (Gen Con Online) will suffice if necessary. I loved my experience with Gen Con Online, and I’m very glad that we made the choice to participate. That said, I can’t wait for Gen Con 2021! I hope that Covid-19 is under control enough to go in person, but if not, then I’ll be ready for another (and I’m sure much improved) virtual experience!
The Great Kaysby 