"My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea, and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me." – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Anyone else feel like if one thing doesn’t go right then they beat themselves up so bad mentally that the rest of the evening is shot? I’m sure I’m not the only one! About 21 hours into 2021, this happened to me for the first time in the New Year. Now it’s 22 hours into 2021, and I can assure you that sometimes you just need to breathe, take control, and everything will work out.
Without going into a lot of details, last night I thought I placed an Amazon order that had to be received before 2020 ended. Tonight, I realized the order never went through. My response was to mentally berate myself so much that I didn’t want to do anything except for sit and be mad at myself. After a few minutes, I logged onto my health account, chatted with a rep (who just happened to be working on New Year’s Day), and realized that I didn’t lose any money. I immediately felt relieved, and I now have a better understanding of how my health account operates. I ended the chat feeling immensely relieved, a little silly for getting so upset, and proud of myself for taking the initiative to attempt to do something about the whole situation which led to a good outcome.
This little story is a great reminder that sometimes we just need to breathe and take control in anyway we can. It is also a reminder that this is something I need to continuously work on improving. I’d been attempting to think all day about things I need to work on during 2021, and I kept making excuses for why I couldn’t think about it at a given time. As it turns out, I didn’t need think time; I just needed a bump in the road to remind me of what I need to improve in 2021. I just need to remember to breathe and take control when things seems to not go as expected!
Here’s to just breathing and taking control! Happy 2021!
Original Artwork – “The Eye of the Hurricane” by The Great Kaysby and LilKsby
“In the eye of a hurricane/there is quiet/for just a moment” is the lyric that kept running through my head over and over while I worked on the pictured painting with LilKsby. The lyric is from “Hurricane”, a musical number from Lin Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. During the last few weeks life has kind of felt like a hurricane with so much going on with the pandemic. Businesses and places have reopened, but then they’ve had to close back down. Case numbers had seemingly plateaued, but now there are more cases than ever in certain areas. Masks have gone from being recommended to having to be mandated. On any given day one person can experience so many thoughts and feelings that they feel as though they are constantly living in an emotional hurricane.
Then, there are days where you finally feel like you can breathe; days where you feel like you can finally relax. These are the days when you feel safe from all the distress of the world; these are the days when you just enjoy the life you’ve been blessed with having. These days are the eye of the hurricane for you. Currently, these are the best days! They are days of no anxiety, no doubt, and just experiencing relaxation, contentment, and joy. I think we could all agree that we need more of these days!
So what’s in my eye of the hurricane? Snuggles with LilKsby, cooking for him and Mr Kisby, baking, painting, reading, avoiding social media (that really gets the old anxiety going), exercising, writing, and watching fun videos (lately a lot of Nicholas Brendon’s lives), communicating with family/friends, and focusing on today. My eye of the hurricane is a comfort to me, and with all the uncertainties these days, it’s a good place to spend some time. In my eye of the hurricane, there is love and joy! Even though I know this storm must be weathered, it is good to just be in the moment of quiet sometimes.
A notable television character used to frequently say, “Challenge accepted!” That character was the notorious womanizer Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother. I may not understand a lot of the characters motivations, but I do get this competitive mentality. National Sales Director Emeritus Linda Toupin always referred to this as the 4-H Mentality. She always talked about how being in 4-H taught her to learn skills, set goals, and strive to win a blue ribbon. I was never in 4-H, but I was in enough youth sports, art fairs, performance art competitions, etc to understand how motivating being competitive can be!
Fast forward to now…
I still love a competition! Which is why I’m super excited about Adult Summer Reading! I literally discovers it less than 24 hours ago, and I’m super excited! The idea is to get a bingo on the card your print and submit it for a chance at prizes! How fun is that? I can’t wait to have a chance to win for doing something I already enjoy! Plus, it has introduced me to other fun events through the public library!
Something else I love because of my competitive nature? Virtual badges! I pushed myself to earn several tech ones during NTI for a competition and earned the prize! I don’t just get excited about virtual badges for me. I get excited when I see a coworkers achievements from their badges! I got super excited today when LilKsby earned 7 badges in one day for Pre-Reader Summer Reading!
I feel like in a lot of ways my competitive nature is one of my strongest traits. Being competitive can show determination and grit. It can also help you to learn the art of losing which I also think is important! Plus, when I’m competing, I feel that I have some of my best mental health! Can’t beat that!
Now for a little personal competition that is part of the summer reading! Five days in a row of journaling (I’m choosing to use my blog). Let’s see if I can do it! Get ready for five days of me and my randomness!
“We will get through this. We will get through this together.” – Gov Andy Beshear, everyday at 5 pm
March 1, 2020
March 1 – 28 days ago – we were driving home from attending a wedding. It was a great trip, so great that we talked about going back for Spring Break at the end of the month. If you would’ve asked me on that car ride home what we’d be doing in four weeks, then never in my wildest dreams would I have thought the answer would be social distancing and finding a new normal amid a pandemic.
Yet here we are…
We find ourselves in a new situation where every tickle in your throat has you wondering if shortness of breath is soon to follow, or if the warm feeling is because it’s hot out, or you have a fever. We find ourselves hearing about toilet paper hoarding and sections of grocery stores being desolate. When we have to be out, we’re supposed to be no closer than 6 feet from anyone else. If we don’t have to be out, then we need to be home. #healthyathome is trending, which is great because it means people are following directions, and a new normal is developing all over the globe.
My new normal truly started on March 17, the day we began teaching school online from home. The last two weeks of NTI days have been the hardest two weeks in my teaching career work wise. I’ve had to learn a whole new bag of tricks while trying my best to be just as effective virtually as I am in the classroom! I’m very thankful that I have an awesome PLC for support.
Teaching from home aside, regular home life has been different too. There’s been very little face to face contact with the outside world. When there has been, it’s been either passing folks while going for a walk or the people working hard to make necessity pick up happen. We’ve become accustomed to seeing family virtually each day instead of in person. We’re cooking meals more than ever, and I’ve not watched this much television since having the flu twice in 2018! (Sidebar: binge watching Boy Meets World was AMAZING!)
But do you know what else has happened?
We’ve come to love our governor!
LilKsby clapped for the first time!
I’ve gotten more sweet baby snuggles than I ever dreamed possible!
I’ve realized how much fun can be had without leaving the house!
We’ve just sat and talked!
I’ve gotten the recommended amount of sleep frequently!
It hasn’t all been bad! We’re adapting to this new normal, and we’ll continue to do so. We will continue to try and be the best people we can in this odd situation. Will there be tough days? Yup! Will there be moments of anxiety? Yup! We’re still human after all! But those are just moments, and we’re working to win the long game!
However, I truly believe Jeremiah 1:5 – “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart.”
That said, I will be the first to say that though I’ve been Catholic for most of my life (there was a hiatus in my 20’s), I don’t always remember what the preacher is saying at Mass. Thus, I am truly shocked that today – Monday – I am still pondering yesterday’s sermon on the Heart of the Nation Mass (don’t judge me for watching Mass on YouTube…at least I’m watching!). The priest was talking about the Pharisees and how they were determined to follow the law. He then went on to discuss how Jesus didn’t just want people to follow the law; Jesus wanted people to live the law.
Specifically he mentioned the law of “Thou shalt not kill.” You can follow this law by not murdering. Simple enough. Living the law of “Thou shalt not kill”? Not as simple. If you think about it, every time we have a negative self deprecating thought, we are killing our spirit. Likewise, every time we say something negative about someone, we are killing their self-esteem. It is so easy to make comments such as “She’s gaining weight!” or “He looks like he’s on drugs!” We (society in general) have a tendency to think that if no one hears our negative comments, then it won’t impact them.
WRONG!
Eventually, the person who is having negative comments made about them is going to find out the comments are being made, and there is a very good chance that it is going to make them feel terrible! Their self-esteem might be damaged; their spirit might be killed. If I’m following the law, I didn’t break “Thou shalt not kill.” But if I’m living it? I sure did break it!
The more I thought about this scenario, I began to realize that the idea of “following or living” isn’t just applicable to laws. The idea is applicable to everyday life. My day job – the one that puts food on the table and keeps the shelter over our heads – is teaching. Every school day, I see kids who are following the actions and words of their peers because they want to feel like they have a place. Instead of living their own lives, they get caught up with what is deemed “cool” or “acceptable”. Sometimes they even lose sight of who they are in the process.
I see this with adults too – including myself at times – who want to follow all of what they are told without question. I do this A LOT with what LilKsby’s pediatrician tells us to do to the point that it drives other people bananas! In my life, I’ve never felt like I’m purposely “following” instead of “living”, but as creatures of habit it can be easy to get caught up in just “following”. It’s not intentional. It’s just easy.
That said, a lot of my goals for 2020 are very tied to “living” and not “following”. This year, I want to be more creative. I want to get in better shape. I want to blog more. I want to read a lot of books with LilKsby. I want to spend more time with MrKsby. I want to have purple hair and get my nose pierced even if people think it is weird for someone in their 30’s to want. I want to become the person I am destined to be spiritually, emotionally, and physically. In short? I want “LIVING” and not “FOLLOWING”!
Will it be hard? Yup!
Will it have obstacles? Yup!
Will it be worth it? HELL YES!
By the way…it will also involve music because there is a little girl in me who dreamed of singing, and she’s ready to be free! Luckily, I can carry a tune!
I know this blog has been a little all over the place (let’s face it, that’s how my brain works), but I hope that it inspires you! I hope that in 2020 and every other year that you will choose “living” over “following” and be who you were put on this earth to be! I believe that if we all choose “living” over “following”, then great things can happen!
It is New Year’s Eve, and there is about 2 and a half hours left in 2019 (to be honest, I started this blog on the 30th in the wee hours of the morning before pumping, but that’s mom life). There is about to be a new year and decade. I’m already seeing New Year’s resolutions on social media. There are a lot of “common” resolutions such as:
I’m going to lose weight.
I’m going to eat better.
I’m going to stop cursing.
I’m going to be on my phone/social media less.
90% of the time it seems like these resolutions inevitably fail (really I don’t know because stats and research tend to bore me). If I made New Year’s resolutions, then I’m sure that I’d be in the failure group. Why? For one, because a lot of New Year’s resolutions seem to be made with a band wagon mentality. Therefore, if my resolution doesn’t actually match my purpose and passion in life, then I’m not going to follow through with committing to the resolution. For two, if I just make a resolution without planning, then I’m going to forget it before January 2.
Thus, here is my Resolution Revelation! In order for a resolution to be successful it should actually be a goal. Additionally, it will help if it is a SMART goal. In this case, SMART doesn’t mean intelligent; SMART means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time Bound. I feel like Achievable and Relevant are key components as it is easy to become discouraged when things seem impossible or outdated. For more specifics on SMART goals Google the term. There is a lot of information out there! I had to Google the term just to remember what all the letters stood for at one in the morning when I started writing the rough draft for this blog.
To test my theory, here is a typical resolution versus a SMART goal:
Resolution – I want to lose weight.
SMART Goal – I want to lose 20 pounds averaging 1 pound per week by Memorial Day as measured by Saturday weight checks.
Do you see the difference? The first is very vague, but the second provides a plan of action. You could even add mini-goals within the SMART Goal such as losing 5 pounds by Valentine’s Day.
I also feel like the SMART Goal helps provide direction. At this point in my life, I feel that having a sense of direction – a sense of purpose – is necessary. That said, one of my SMART Goals is the following: I will blog a minimum of three times per month during 2020 as blogging helps me sort out my thoughts and provides me with a creative outlet.
For me personally, this blog is out of my comfort zone. However, they say that we often teach what we need to learn ourselves. I feel that for 2020 to be a success I needed to critically think about goal setting. This blog came from that thinking. Subscribe to my blog to see if I make my SMART goal associated with blogging!
The Great Kaysby 