"My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea, and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me." – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I love Jigsaw Puzzles. I’ve enjoyed putting together puzzles for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I’ve completed easy ones, difficult ones, ones with missing pieces, etc. Recently I’ve gotten into solving puzzles online. These are challenging because they are timed and have various degrees of difficulty: easy, normal, and expert. I had been sticking to easy and some normal, but yesterday I tried expert. When I solved it, I thought of how puzzles are a metaphor for life.
Think about it. How many of us whether it is intentional or not find ourselves living our lives on easy mode? After all, easy mode is the one that takes the least effort while providing satisfactory, adequate outcomes. Even those of us who have big dreams can find ourselves stuck in easy mode from laziness, fear, etc. Until we get unstuck and switch to expert mode, our dreams will never become a reality.
So how do we switch? For me it is a lot of telling myself things like “short term sacrifice for long term gain” and “work hard so you can play hard” coupled with extreme planning! When I’m in expert mode, I plan like a maniac. At this point I’m great at the planning, but often the execution lands me back in easy mode. It’s not because I don’t want to be in expert mode and experiencing abundant success; it’s because I get inside my own head and shutdown.
Getting inside my head is my biggest issue with success in my Direct Selling business. Sometimes that mindset finds its way into other things like solving the puzzle on expert mode. I almost didn’t try expert mode because I was sure I would fail, but a little voice inside my head convinced me to try. After all with a puzzle online, if I failed I could just try again. Then I got to thinking. This is also true of the path to success in life. It is better to stumble, fall, and get back up than to not even try.
The conclusion? It’s time to try expert mode in a variety of things not just puzzles!
Most people have heard of the concept called the “Circle of Control.” Within this concept there is a circle in the middle of a blank space. Inside the circle is written things that you can personally control, and outside of the circle is written the things that you cannot control that cause you stress. For example, you can control if you go out and check the mail so that would be on the inside of the circle. However, you cannot control what shows up in your mailbox on a given day so that would be on the outside of the circle. These examples are trivial in comparison to most of life’s stressors, but you get the concept.
The concept of the “Circle of Control” is something I try to remind myself of a lot. At times I can have a tendency to get overly emotional about things that are completely out of my control. (Keep in mind I’m not talking about tragic kinds of things.) When this happens, I try to remind myself of the circle, but I have found that there are a couple of flaws with it. The biggest is that I am part of a generation where we were very much as a whole taught to never show emotion or ask for help because these are perceived as signs of weakness. Which I now realize might be the kind of thought process that made me prefer to get bad grades as opposed to ask for help in Calculus. Anyway, getting away from this line of thought to a more healthy one isn’t easy, but it has become a goal for me as I want to be a good example for LilKsby.
So I got to thinking…what if instead of a “Circle of Control” there is a “Spectrum of Sparkle”? Why a spectrum? Because I have realized that there are a lot of things in my life that have aspects I can control while also having aspects that rely on others. With the circle concept, the two are completely separate. However, I’ve come to believe that the biggest success to emotional control lies on a spectrum where you find balance between knowing what you can control and learning to cope with what you can’t as opposed to being told to just let it go. On the “Spectrum of Sparkle” you could start by listing various aspects of your life such as faith, family, friends, you, and avenues of income. Then you could list under that the things that you have complete control over such as silent mediation time, your family chores, your daily habits, etc. Beneath those you could list the things that are partially in your control but also not. These would be things like you can control what days you go to the grocery pickup, but you can’t control how long it will take to get your order. Just knowing what these things are can help you know how to cope with them which can lead to better emotional management. Finally, list the things that are totally out of your control. These can be things that are obviously out of your control like “I can’t control the weather,” or they can be things that are personal like, “I can’t let how someone reacts to my decision ruin how excited I am about it.” One of the hardest lessons to learn for people like me who are super easily excitable is that not everyone is going to be excited as you are and as happy about something as you are. You also have to learn that you cannot control other people. You have to let people live their lives how they want even when you (a) think you know better for them or (b) disagree with their decisions. You can 100% love someone and not agree with everything they do. That’s called being a Golden Rule person.
Now that I’ve answered “why a spectrum?” I feel the need to answer “why of sparkle?” Well for one I like sparkly things. Two, the things that we get the most passionate and upset about are usually the things that make us sparkle and shine inside and out. It’s also important to know that those things can take an emotional toll on us, and we should recognize that even things that make us sparkle have parts that our out of our control. Until the next time!
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among stars” is a quote often attributed to Norman Vincent Peale. When you Google it, a lot of people have said the quote and fully determining its origin seems rather impossible From time to time, I have even said this quote when speaking with people. In fact, one year when I was still teaching, I had this quote on my classroom door as an attempt to motivate students to do their best. Along with me other great minds like those of Oscar Wilde, Brian Littrell (the recent Savannah Bananas intro is a sure sign of his genius), Mary Kay Ash, and Les Brown have said this same quote at some point in their respective careers. Since the first time I heard this quote, I have loved that it is so simplistic while at the same time being extremely deep. To think that if you try your hardest, even if you come short of the goal, you will have had so much success in the process!
Lately I have been wanting to blog a lot, but I have found that I haven’t had a lot of deep, meaningful pieces of wisdom to share. Instead of just blogging anyway which could have lead to inspirational pieces, I’ve been doing a lot of other activities. Some of the activities were just for fun like summer vacation, visits with friends, a road trip to IKEA (when the nearest one is three hours away, traveling there totally counts as a road trip), amusement park trips, and more. However, other activities have been like shooting for the moon and landing among the stars. These are the activities that took some getting out of my comfort zone, time, and effort; these are the activities that are life changing.
The first activity that was life changing involved the State Fair. If you’ve read my blog since 2018, then you know that I have always enjoyed the State Fair for the food. What you may not have known is that I have always dreamed of entering the competitions at the State Fair. I’ve talked about it for years, and for years I never did anything about it. This year – as part of my mission to be more fearless at forty than ever before – I finally entered the State Fair. I shot for the moon by entering two photos, five scrapbook pages, and two sewing pieces. One of the photos advanced to the final round of judging, and one of the sewing pieces placed second in the category. More importantly than the outcomes from the judges, were the outcomes that I felt from landing among the stars. Just from finally entering the State Fair, I was reminded of just how much I enjoy my various hobbies. I find them relaxing, and I find that I love creating. Seeing pieces come together to create a whole when you are working on a project is so satisfying! If you’re an artisan, you know exactly what I mean. The biggest star from finally entering? It made me want to do more next year! In fact, I’ve already started planning some pieces. For someone with time management and organization issues, this planning “star” might just be the most important takeaway I could have from finally entering!
My second life changing activity has to do with overcoming fear of not being in control. Back story here, you have to understand that I have always said that I hate flying and am afraid of it. Some of this was probably rooted in the fact that my first flight when I was twelve was in one of those like three passenger planes. It was a short trip, but the plane shook a lot and though the views were cool, the overall experience was terrifying. It took me another twelve years to get back on a plane, and when I did, I realized that flying wasn’t as bad as I had made it out to be. However, I still did not like it. I just always felt safer driving myself than trusting my life to a pilot that I’ve never met. This summer after another 16 years, I got on a plane again. I wasn’t overly thrilled by it, and at times leading up to the travel, I was sure that something was going to go horrifically wrong. However, I knew that taking a plane trip was going to be the only way that I could attend a business conference while minimizing the time away from home. On some levels the fact that I was even willing to book the flight was like landing among the stars before the trip even occurred!
Fast forward to the trip occurring. When I booked my flights, I purposefully booked aisle seats so that I wouldn’t have to look out the window. I thought this might help me to be able to pretend that I was in a car or on a train instead of flying in a plane. For the majority of the flight there, I kept trying to look out the window. So on my way back, I actually switched my seat to a window seat. Guess what? I was mesmerized the entire flight home! The world looked so beautiful from the plane! Also, I know it sounds cliché, but I felt so close to Heaven and calm while flying. I felt like this trip finally made me feel at peace with flying, and I look forward to what doors this willingness will open for me! I’m so thankful that instead of landing on moon by staying in my driving comfort zone, I landed among stars and now feel like I can do anything!
Finally, one recent final activity has been like landing among stars. For as long as I can remember, I have had an interest in writing and journaling. Shocker right that someone who blogs would be interested in these things? I’ve also always wanted to somehow find a way to publish some of my original ideas. I’ve not really wanted to make a lot of money of it, but I always thought it would be cool to see something I contributed to in print. Through a collaboration with Letters & Lore (checkout the new page on my site about them), I am getting to do just that! I’m not sure what will come of it, but just the learning process has been fun. Even if we don’t make it to the moon, the stars we’re landing among are amazing!
Wow! I wrote a lot more about this than I thought I would, and it is getting late. I have an early class tomorrow (side note, taking free classes has also led to star like growth), and I should try and get some rest. I hope this inspires you to shoot for the moon, but if nothing else, this blog is getting me back in the groove!
As part of a leadership class I am taking, I’m starting a 30 day challenge of Daily Journal Prompts. This is outside of my usual realm, but I’m excited for the challenge!
Prompt 8 – List 10 things you love about yourself.
I love this prompt! Not because I love to talk about myself although sometimes I do it a little too much, but because I think listing things you love about yourself is a great mental health exercise. Over the years I’ve used a similar exercise to this prompt for therapeutic reasons, and I highly recommend everyone do it! Here goes my list!
1. I love my creativity and expressing it through painting, sewing, scrapbooking, coloring, and writing.
2. I love my ability to get lost in a book. Books can take you to another world, inform you, and inspire you!
3. I love my head – like all of it. My hair has always made me happy as have my eyes and smile.
4. I love my ability to burst out into song at random moments whether it is with a made up song or one I half know the lyrics to.
5. I love my tendency to be easily excited and enthusiastic about the littlest things!
6. I love my caring spirit and how much taking care of others feeds my soul. It’s important to be a servant leader.
7. I love my ability to teach people a variety of skills in a variety of areas.
8. I love my ability to work hard and get things done when I put my mind to accomplishing something.
9. I love my love of water. I feel most at peace when water is involved be it a shower, pool, rain, lake, etc.
10. Most of all I love being able to live by my priorities: faith, family/friends, living by the Golden Rule, and then career. The two greatest roles in my life are wife and mother, and I do my best to up hold that calling.
As part of a leadership class I am taking, I’m starting a 30 day challenge of Daily Journal Prompts. This is outside of my usual realm, but I’m excited for the challenge!
Prompt 3 – What are you most grateful for in your life?
If you’re going for a joking answer, my response to this prompt would be that I am grateful for a prompt that has reminded me of how to spell grateful. I love to write, but I frequently second guess myself when it comes to spelling certain words. If you’re going for a rote response, I would say I’m grateful for my family, friends, and health. A true thoughtful response? That answer would be opportunity.
I am abundantly blessed and so grateful for the many opportunities that I have had throughout my life. There have been so many things that I have had the chance to do in my life, and I am abundantly thankful for these opportunities. Here’s a list of some of the top that come to mind…
1. Being able to make the transition to work from home/homeschool mom. This has been nothing short of magical! I’ve gotten to take trips with family and hear fascinating stories about their pasts that I never knew! I’ve gotten to start LilKsby’s education. I’ve been able to participate in groups and met so many new, wonderful people!
2. Having the opportunity to experience life with Mr Kisby has been amazing! His love and support are the entire reason #1 has been able to happen. Beyond that, I’m thankful for all the opportunities we have had to travel together, have fun together, and grow together as people.
3. The opportunity to be a mom. I never knew how much I would love being a mom! For most of my life it wasn’t a thing on my radar. Now I can’t imagine life any other way!
4. The opportunity my DS business has given me. From the friends to the travel to personal growth, I am a better person because of that positive influence.
5. The opportunities to serve others and bless their lives are super important to me. I love helping others. It really fills my cup when I am able to help improve lives!
There are many adages similar to “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” I’m not sure where I first heard the phrase given that it is a message stated in a variety of situations, but that is an insignificant detail. I have always found that it is a very true sentiment. In my own experience, I believe that you cannot give to others if your own cup is not filled. However, I have recently decided that perhaps it isn’t just an empty cup that keeps you from pouring into others, but also what is in your cup that keeps you from truly being able to bless others.
Most of us are familiar with people being deemed “glass half full” or “glass half empty,” but no one ever seems to stop and talk about what is in the cup. For example, is it better to be a glass that is half full with spite or a glass half empty where the half is hope? I would think that being filled with any amount of hope would be better than being filled with any amount of spite. Should my cup be full of spite, then I feel like I would inadvertently say things that came out hurtful or negatively impact a situation whereas if my cup is full of hope, I can share that hope with others and brighten someone’s day. I really believe that whether your cup is half full or half empty, what is in your cup will determine whether or not you can positively give to others.
So my closing thought is this. If you feel like what is in your cup is keeping you from blessing others the way you would like, take some time to wash, dry, and refill your cup with a new liquid so to speak!
If you’ve been with me for a while, then you know two things. One, last year I sat out to complete 39 fun things while 39 years old. Two, tomorrow I turn 40. I’m excited to say that I’ve completed 39 things!!! I’ve actually completed a lot more than that, but I finished my list. You will note that my list changed throughout the year. This is a reflection of my own personal growth throughout the year. My most important takeaway has been that it is okay to change what you want in life because that is a sign that you’re growing! I’m so happy with how much I’ve grown over the last year and how much I’ve begun living by my priorities. I could get very philosophical about this, but instead I’ll share my accomplished list!
✓ Ride a roller coaster – rode a couple of them at Dollywood. Wooden roller coasters are still my favorite!
✓ Ride a train – also happened at Dollywood! It was beautiful looking down at all the Christmas lights!
✓ Finish the green and gold dress – I started creating this dress in 2012 when we still played Amtgard. When we stopped, I stopped. Now it is finished, and it is beautiful!
✓ Take a vacation – We took several! Made it to Pigeon Forge area twice, America’s Historical Triangle, Nashville, and Rough River. Looking forward to more travel this year!
✓ Sushimas – First once since 2019! I loved seeing all of our friends and bringing back traditions!
✓ Bet on the Derby – Felt so grown up to bet on the race from my phone. Looking forward to getting my $9 check!
✓ Go kayaking – Nothing like being out on the water to make you feel one with the universe!
✓ Finish Baby Books – LilKsby is turning 4 soon, so I’m elated to say I finally had time to finish his books!
✓ Play pool – I love playing pool! Did this on my birthday last year and in Gatlinburg!
✓ Go to a cave – We had the wonderful opportunity to take our nephew to Mammoth Cave last summer.
✓ Enter a competition for creativity – I’ve always wanted to enter a Christmas tree competition! I came in like 12th out of 31!
✓ Calendar Album – Made an album out of all the calendars LilKsby has made for presents.
✓ Complete 1 Year Frame – I had bought one of these my first year frames before LilKsby was born. Finally completed it!
✓ See Dr Strange 2 – Fun movie!
✓ See Thor Love and Thunder – Great movie!
✓ Read 12 Books – Finished 13 and have started 14!
✓ Watch Young Sheldon 3 and 4 – Glad I did because Seasons 5 and 6 have been amazing!
✓ Watch Step By Step – Great throwback to my childhood!
✓ Go to GenCon Online – Gaming is fun in person and online!
✓ Wedding Scrapbook – After almost 11 years, mine and Mr Kisby’s wedding scrapbook is complete!
✓ Order a t-shirt quilt – Wanted to do this for years! Can’t wait to get it back!
✓ Go to an art museum – Virtually visited the Van Gogh Museum!
✓ Make a state fair entry – have a few ready to go!
✓ Go to Gatlinburg – Great trip! Highly recommend Cade’s Cove!
✓ Go to the Tulip Farm – Beautiful local farm! Love supporting friends!
✓ Complete 10 Coursera Classes – took classes for fun and business!
✓ Complete 5 paintings – painted for myself and Christmas gifts!
✓ Go to JR Neighbors – I’m proud of us for trying something new.
✓ See the BSB DNA Tour – Amazing show with amazing people!
✓ Complete NANOWRIMO – Loved starting this book! Can’t wait to edit and publish!
✓ Go to a winery – Not only did I go to one, I also became a member!
✓ Write Letters for Book – Completed a book with letters from me to Lil Kisby!
✓ Watch The Game Season 2 – This show is epic! There needs to be a Season 3!
✓ Finish a Bible Study – Learned about love being the greatest gift of all!
✓ Go to a pumpkin activity – We went to the Pumpkin Wagon!
✓ Try a salt cave or salt room – So relaxing! I’ve been twice now!
✓ Write 10 fan letters – This was so fun! I never got any responses, but it was fun to do!
✓ Get a Casey’s Taco Pizza – My favorite pizza! I only get them when going west. Hope yo have another soon!
✓ Go to the State Fair – worked it and went as a guest! Love it!
Not on the list? Transitioning from full time working mom to stay at home/work from home mom. Hands down the thing I did while 39 that has helped me be a better wife, mother, and person while also improving my mental and physical health. I challenge all of you to take risks, do things you enjoy, and make your next year the best year!
This image is a screenshot from a news article on wave3.com.
Remember the old story about the man who prayed and prayed to win the lottery? He prayed to win every day, yet he died without ever winning. When he got to heaven, he asked God why he never won the lottery even though that had been his only prayer for years. With His infinite wisdom God told him something simple, “You never bought a ticket.” All that the man needed to do was make a simple change to his daily routine and buy a ticket, but he never did because he relied on prayer alone. The moral of the story? Even God (or any other deity based on your specific faith) tells that thoughts and prayers are not enough and action is required to make a change. Spoiler, this moral applies to a lot more areas than just winning the lottery!
One of the areas where this applies is the after math of a shooting. Let me preface this by saying that thoughts and prayers are great for the souls of those who lost their lives, the families of the victims who need comfort, and the family of the shooter as their lives will forever be marred by what a relative did. However, thoughts and prayers are not enough for there to be an end to gun violence. For gun violence to end, there must be action taken and changes made. Obviously, this means there needs to be changes made in the area of gun control legislation. I can’t propose what change should be made because it would be very skewed to my own beliefs on guns. However, I can recognize that there needs to be legal change immediately! Additionally, we need change when it comes to mental health. In the picture, I highlighted the words “And everybody who needs it, don’t be afraid to get some help.” It is 2023, and NO ONE – I repeat NO ONE – should ever be afraid to get help. Likewise, NO ONE should be made to feel ashamed because they need to or do seek help with mental health. Along with this acceptance that mental health assistance is positive, the needed services also need to be more readily and affordably available. Something else that needs to be addressed? Why are there so many employees/former employees who are so disgruntled with their employer/former employer that they feel violence is the only answer? My guess is because their employer makes them feel expendable and not valued. Employers need to re-examine how they are caring for their own. I understand that in business you have bottom lines and standards that must be met for success. However, there is also time to make your employees feel important and recognize when they are in of something. Imagine if all of these actions/changes were combined with thoughts and prayers. Do you think things would finally begin to improve?
I’m not a fool, and I realize that violence will never completely cease. However, I do believe that the sooner people agree that thoughts and prayers are not enough and start to call for changes, then we will see a decrease begin. Not sure of how to start? Post on your social media calls to change, sign petitions, and contact legislators. If you are so called, join a protest (peaceful and non-violent please). Advocate for mental health help and better work environments! By all means, continue to pray while also taking action. You don’t want to be like the man who prayed to win yet never bought the ticket.
If you’ve followed my blog for long or follow me on social media, then you know that I love a good inspirational quote. Put the quote on a picture of a beach or mountain, and that is like a little slice of motivational heaven. Today, I saw one of these pictures that summed a lot of what I have been thinking about the actions of people lately. It said “inspirational quote of the day don’t be an ass.” Frankly, I feel like that is the exact inspiration that a lot of people are needing these days.
Why is this needed inspiration? At it’s most simple form, it is because there are sects of society who have become too preoccupied with their own agendas to seem to care about how their agenda impacts others. So I’m going to present to you a series of question, and if you answer yes to any of them, I implore you to take some time to reflect on how it relates to the advice of “don’t be an ass.”
Are there things you do in the name of “morality” that purposefully hurt other people?
Do you almost hit people head on because you aren’t paying attention to which side of the road you’re on?
Do you judge books by their covers so to speak?
I’m sure my list could go on and on, but I just wanted to include the ones that I’ve seen this week where I feel like “don’t be an ass” is appropriate advice. The first question on the list comes from all of the bills around the country aimed at hurting those in the LGBTQ+ and Drag Communities. Whether that is something you understand or not, purposefully hurting those communities through legislation is being an ass. Number two on the list comes from almost getting hit today by a goober who turned on the street we were on today and didn’t seem to notice they were on the wrong side of the road until I stopped to avoid them hitting us. If they had of hit us, then I’m pretty sure this mama would have been a total ass. I will be the first to admit that I’m not 100% perfect at following this advice. The last question comes from a general observation of how judgmental people can be. Spend five minutes scrolling through social media, and that will remind you of just how judgmental people can be especially when there is a keyboard and screen separating from whomever they are judging. In a nutshell, there’s the reasoning behind my list of questions and why I think “don’t be an ass” is such sound advice.
For 23 hours across the last two days, we were without electricity. The loss of electricity was due to windstorms unlike any I’ve ever experienced in our current home. At one point during the 8 hours of hurricane force winds, I thought our house sounded like it was going to explode or be ripped a part from the inside out. At some point in the first couple of hours, part of the roof ended up in the backyard. From all of this a lot of emotions have been experienced in the last 23 hours.
During the 23 hours, there were a couple of times when I was like, “Ugh…this is terrible.” For example, when I woke up at 5:40 in the morning to the smell of cat poo, I desperately wanted a cup of coffee. When I remembered you can’t have coffee with the power out, I was bummed for a minute. Likewise, when I needed to take a shower, I was like, “Ugh…this is going to be cold, but I have to go out in public and don’t want to be stinky.” Truly, I wasn’t actually stinky, but I’m not a fan of having to get dressed in clean clothes after sleeping without taking a shower. Thankfully my “Ugh Thoughts” were few and far between.
My thoughts that were not few and far between were the number of times I felt thankful and blessed in the last 23 hours. Throughout this time frame, our cell phones never ran out of battery, we had food to eat, and we were able to stay warm while sleeping under an extra layer of blankets. Additionally, the damage to our home was relatively minor. Plus, at all times we had other family members with electricity with whom we could have sought refuge if necessary. For a fun bonus feeling, I got to write and reflect in my journal by candlelight, and I got to read a book by flashlight like I used to do as a kid when I wanted to read after bedtime. I was such a rebel! We may have been in a crummy situation for 23 hours, but I am glad that I was able to keeping feeling thankful and blessed!
While I was able to continue feeling mostly positive during the 23 hours, I know there are others who were not able to feel that way. I want them to know that their feelings are also valid. Everyone is entitled to being able to process a situation how they need to work through it. I also want to share that my heart goes out to all of those who have been dealing with the issues associated with this swath of storms. My gratitude also goes out to those who have worked tirelessly to restore power, Internet, and telephones to those who experienced outages.
Once again March is here, and I am in the middle of Tech Week for a show. Like usual during this week, I either find myself thinking about a better way I could have made a costume work or why I believe all children should have access to the Arts at early age. Just this morning I found myself thinking, “Why do so many people push their kids into athletics but not something related to the arts?” I am not a researcher, but as a life long fan of the arts (seriously, I played a sheep at age 5), I feel like the “art” of the matter is that people don’t see the benefits of involvement with the arts.
So what are the benefits? This can vary depending on the type of art form being utilized. To start, let’s talk about the theatre. First and foremost, being in the theatre teaches team work. Unless you’re starring in a one person show in which you also do all of the tech work, you have to work cooperatively with others to stage a successful production. A big component of this is strengthening communication and self advocacy skills. For example, if you’re in the cast, and you lose something, then you have to be able to ask the appropriate person for help. I can’t tell you how often I get asked “Where’s my x?” I’m always glad they ask so that they have something to wear on stage! Additionally, theatre promotes learning empathy (something that I believe is strongly missing in today’s society). Whenever you are playing a character, you have to find ways to understand their emotions and portray them in such a way that you can relate to the emotion. Empathy can also be developed just from watching a theatrical production as well. Obviously, given my 35 years of being in theatre, I feel very strongly about this one!
However, my strong feelings about everyone trying the arts doesn’t stop with theatre. I believe that learning to paint, creating collages, and using clay are essential to developing fine motor skills. Another way to work on fine motor skills? Playing a musical instrument! Learning a musical instrument and how to read music can also help with math skills. In elementary school, I always believed that fractions made sense because of knowing how to read music and understanding the number of beats associated with a given note. Along with teaching math, music can help with writing skills, emotional management, recalling memories, and much more. Seriously, look up all the ways music can be beneficial. One other thing worth looking is the health benefits associated with music and art therapy. If I can’t convince you to get the “art” of the matter, the research might be able to do so. Are you feeling ready to try being artsy yet?
Understand that I’m not trying to say sports don’t have a place. I played several of those while also being active in the arts. Likewise, I’m not trying to convince you to only pick the arts. However, if getting to the “art” of the matter could have a positive impact on life, why not at least give them – or encourage your kids to give them – a try?
This is outside my normal blog writing realm; however, I thoroughly enjoy writing fan mail. Along the same lines, I’m also too lazy to go buy an International stamp. Thus, I’m sharing this here even though I know that Ms Winslet will probably never in a million years see it.
Dear Kate Winslet,
A few nights ago, I went on a date with my husband to see the 25th Anniversary run of Titanic at the movie theater. When the movie was released 25 years ago, I saw it at the cinema five times. A part of that was because I had a huge crush on Leo DiCaprio. Fourteen year old me thought it was amazing that he was a hottie who also gave a damn about the environment even before it was trendy to do so. Just as big of a part of my going to see the movie so much was because before you brought Rose to life, I had never been able to see part of myself in an actress.
Growing up, I always saw myself as out of place physically. I had auburn hair that was far from a popular shade in the 90s, and I was heavy set compared to most of my peers (today, I realize that 155 at 5’7 truly wasn’t that heavy). To go with this, I’d always had a more round face and slightly chubby cheeks than most classmates. Prior to Titanic, I never could relate to anyone I saw in magazines, film, etc. However, from the time I saw your natural beauty and grace onscreen with similar features to mine, my outlook changed. Through seeing you, I discovered that I was also beautiful in my own way. Seeing you in the film also helped me realize that unique can be a lot more beautiful than the cookie cutter Barbie-like pretty that was so popular when I was growing up. Thanks for making a red head feel like part of the cool kids club!
In recent years, I’ve read that you feel like your performance in Titanic was embarrassing. Though it may not be your favorite, I am forever grateful that you chose to be in the film. Your choice began the journey for making me realize how powerful and beautiful a red head can be!
There have been several times this week when I have wanted to write, but I couldn’t quite find the words to do it without feeling as though my writing would seem confrontational. Confrontation is not my jam, so I decided not to write at those given times. Some of the things I wanted to write about were how everyone should never feel like they cannot achieve their goals. This thought pattern came after reading the book and watching the movie Dumplin’. At a another point in the week, I wanted to write about how any legislation that promotes discrimination – especially legislation that promotes discrimination against children – is wrong. However, I didn’t want to start a political debate because that really isn’t my style. Yesterday, I considered writing about self improvement as I realized that one of the areas I need to work on is remembering that I have two ears and a mouth because sometimes I need to just listen and not insert my two cents. As I reflected today on these various topics, I realized that while I do have opinions about these issues and know that I need to do more self-growth, what I really wanted to remind everyone is that the answer to life’s problems is love.
If everyone would speak more words of love and perform more actions based in love, then maybe we would see real lasting change. When everything is based on love, there isn’t room for discrimination. Likewise, in order to show love to others at the highest level possible, we have to love ourselves. I’m sure a lot of other positives could come from a little more love in the world! Thus, my conclusion for the week is that with all the hate fueled things happening in the world, I’m going to do my best to show others the goodness that can come from love.
My challenge to you is this:
Work on learning to love who you are if this is a challenge. I know this is difficult, but I promise that it is worth it. Also, learning to love yourself is a life long journey, so don’t give up!
Show those you love how much they mean to you. Don’t just say, “I love you.” Think about their Love Languages or Enneagram type and utilize that to show your love.
Forgive those who have hurt you. Part of being able to love is to be able to forgive. Remember, just because you forgive someone that does not mean you have to associate with them. Likewise, forgiving does not mean that you forget. Forgiveness can be just as much – if not more so – for your personal healing than the person who wronged you.
Be a light of love to others so that they might want to show love too.
There’s a song by Rascal Flatts with the lyrics “This much I know is true/That God blessed the broken road/That led me to straight to you.” The song is aptly titled “Bless the Broken Road,” and though it came out a number of years ago, it has been in my head today. I saw a post from a Facebook connection (sometimes it seems weird to me to say Facebook friend when it is someone you knew years ago that you’re not really sure if you were friends or acquaintances with then much less now) reflecting on the journey of their life and how some of the must unexpected parts yield the biggest blessings. That post moved me because I felt like it was talking to me in that most of what I thought would be my future 22 years ago hasn’t been my path at all; however, I could not be more blessed and happy than I am today on this road.
When I look back on those days, I think of a person who just really wanted people to like her. At times I felt like I would do anything just to try and get/retain friends. As a smaller kid, I was always heavy set and far from the “pretty, popular type” which meant not always having a lot of people want to be around me. Looking back, I realize that this need for people to like me could occasionally come at the cost of hurting others. It was never intentional, and since I haven’t seen a lot of those people in a long number of years, I hope they have either forgotten or forgiven the wrongs I did to them. If they haven’t done either, then I get it. Sometimes I wasn’t the nicest way back in the day.
Thankfully, a long my journey through various roads, I have learned to like me for me. I’ve met a wonderful tribe of friends along the way thanks mostly to theatre, LARPing, teaching, and Mary Kay, and a long the journey I met an even more wonderful husband! I know that Mr Kisby is the absolute best husband in the world because he’s my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and so much more. I could keep going, but the lovey dovey overload might make you sick at your stomach. The best way to put it is we love each other and like each other. Mr Kisby is also the one who gave me the biggest blessings in the world: the baby in Heaven that taught me just how much I wanted to be a mom and the sweet little boy here on earth that calls me Mama. ❤️ As the boy and the husband lay asleep next to me, my heart could not be more filled with love and joy! Thank you God for leading me to them!
Personal growth aside, there are a lot of other parts of life that I never would have imagined 22+ years ago. You may not believe it, but at one point I wanted to be a lawyer. What can I say besides Clueless and Legally Blonde made it look glamorous? I would have been a terrible lawyer because I absolutely do not like conflict. In fact, having conflict with people has been know to make me so upset I get physically sick. Then, I started college with the intent of getting a double major in theatre and journalism with a minor in sociology. I ended up changing schools because I didn’t like the college and I missed home with all of my friends. That change led to a couple of business degrees and eventually a teaching degree. All of these led to job changes which saw me through various relationships and a lot of time LARPing (these I’m confident enough with who I am to admit publicly how nerdy I am). Each of those choices were little roads that also brought me to where I am today.
Today, I am on the best road I ever could have imagined! I absolutely love being wife and mama, and I am so thankful to be in a position where I am able to be home caring for them full time. Each day with them is an adventure, and as I am watching LilKsby grow and change, I feel like I’m also watching myself grow and change for the better each day! I love the person I am becoming, and I believe that allows me to love all of the important people in my life that much more!
I realize this is pretty deep for a Friday night, but I feel like turning 40 this year is going to be filled with a lot of similar reflective retrospection. I’m not one of those dreading 40. It’s actually quite the opposite. I feel like 40 is going to be fabulous! Since the broken road has led me to where I need to be, some of the greatest chapters are still to be written!
If you have been following me for a while, then you know that back in May I published a blog about 39 things I want do while 39. Well, it is now January and the big birthday is getting closer every day. A lot of times right now I look at my list and start to panic because I am behind on my goals. However, this year I am very pleased with how my goals are going. So far I have…
Rode a roller coaster – rode a super fun adult one at Dollywood and the kids one! I love wooden roller coasters!
Rode a train – did this at Dollywood too! Really cool train ride up the mountain!
Taken a vacation – I’ve been able to go on a few of them! Highly recommend making the trip to the America’s Historic Triangle!
Hosted Sushimas – We hadn’t had this event with friends since 2019, and it was wonderful to get back together!
Gone Kayaking – Nothing like the open water for relaxing, planning, and thinking!
Played Pool – one of the best perks of our cabin in the Gatlinburg area! I hadn’t played pool with my parents in years.
Gone to a Cave – Took our nephew to Mammoth Cave for the lantern tour. Highly recommend! Other recommendation? Don’t give the lantern to a teenager who will walk fast and leave you behind!
Entered a Creative Competition – Entered the city Christmas tree competition! 12th place of 31 is not to shabby in my book!
Made a Scrapbook of LilKsby’s 2021 and 2022 Calendars – put this in the category of things I previously never made time to complete!
Completed LilKsby’s First Year Frame – Same as above!
Saw Dr Strange 2 – Loved this movie! Then again, I was a HUGE fan of Wandavision!
Saw Thor Love & Thunder – I laughed so much that I wanted to cry!
Watched Young Sheldon Seasons 3 and 4 – Not as good as TBBT, but the supporting characters are a lot of fun!
Watched Step By Step – I love seeing all the old TGIF shows again! Fun fact, Staci Keanan who played Dana is now a hot shot lawyer!
Attended GenCon Online – Love gaming! Miss going in person!
Gone to Gatlinburg – We made it to that area twice! The time we drove through Gatlinburg, we totally saw a bear crossing the street.
Completed 5 Paintings – I’m so happy to have gotten back to the canvas!
Saw the BSB DNA Tour (again LOL) – Almost 30 years and they are still amazing!
Completed NANOWRIMO – I love writing, so this is always a fun challenge!
Gone to a Pumpkin Activity – We went to the Pumpkin Wagon, painted pumpkins, and carved pumpkins!
Wrote 10 Fan Letters – As a kid, I loved writing fan mail! So I thought why not try it again? I wrote 10 letters and sent them. We will see if I get any responses!
Gone to the State Fair – Worked it and went as a visitor!
Got a Casey’s Taco Pizza – I’ve had two, and they are still the most tasty pizza on the planet!
Something you will notice from my list is that some of the goals were not on the initial list as some of the initial goals have been removed and replaced. I account this to changing circumstances in life and my priorities shifting. Once I switched over to Work from Home Mom life and homeschooling, I started realizing just how much I enjoy goals that can be completed at home. Along the same line, I also realized that you don’t have to spend a ton of money to be able to complete goals. Plus, as we grow as people, the things we want to do change. So even though I haven’t met all of my goals yet, I think I’ve already learned the most important lessons from 39 Things While 39: Your goals in life will change as you change, and this is an acceptable part of personal growth!
Stay tuned to see what all gets completed by my birthday!
The Great Kaysby 