mentalhealth – The Great Kaysby

“Fire Bad, Tree Pretty”

Here is a pretty picture of a tree. I thought I would lead with a picture of a tree because those seem to get a lot of attention in the fall. Plus, there’s something about pretty trees that provides a calming effect. I’m sure we can all agree that everyone right now can use some calming. Take a deep breath and think about the crisp, refreshing air and the rustling leaves of the tree. Better?

Now, let’s get to the point. There have been a lot of thoughts on my mind lately, and as much as I have wanted to post them on social media, I have refrained from doing so. Posting there just insights drama. Plus, posting in the heat of the moment usually only stirs the pot instead of helping it. Also, I don’t want to increase the emotional overload that comes from “doom scrolling” as it just leads to feeling overwhelmed and disgruntled with the people you know. After a while, it overwhelms you so much that your brain takes a page from Buffy Summers in “Graduation Day Part 2,” and you’re left feeling like your most profound thought is “Fire bad, tree pretty.” I feel like I’m here when it comes to all the hate I currently see from people on social media.

So to get my mojo back, I’m doing a brain dump (one of my favorite mental health exercises) of things I wish people understood. Grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show!

I wish people would take time to do research instead of just posting stuff they assume is true because it is on social media. I started having this thought when I saw someone share a picture said to be depicting teaching children Satanistic practices when in reality it was a picture promoting a group with St Joseph as their patron saint. A quick Google search of news articles from the last four years and researching St Joseph could have cleared this up before getting a group of people riled up. However, this lesson can be applied to multiple areas. Learning how to research and how to learn are keys to success in life.
People who make blanket assumptions about people because they are or are not something are just as in the wrong as the people they are spreading assumptions about. I am a Christian. For me this means I worship one God, and I do my best to follow what Jesus preached which was to love one another, not judge, and seek forgiveness. In line with this, I am not going to judge anyone for their lifestyle or deny anyone basic human rights. In my opinion another’s choices are between them and God (or their deity). I say all this because there are a lot of posts right now bashing Christians for what a SMALL faction of us actually believe and practice. To lump all Christians together and say we all do or do not do something is hurtful to those of us who are just doing our best to live like Jesus asked. It’s perceived the same as comments like “You’re from X, so you must be Y and Z” or “You’re doing X so you must be Y.” Assumptions hurt, and while they may be created based on the actions of some, to lump everyone in the same category is wrong!
In regards to upcoming elections, people are so fired up about some amendments and questions on the ballots. I understand having your opinion on a matter, and I believe people should have their own opinions. However, am I the only one who thinks these topics are being brought forth with such vigor to distract from bigger problems? This one kind of ties back to doing research and examining data. For example, is it more pressing to vote a certain way or think, “Shouldn’t the continual being in the bottom percentage of X in the country be getting this level of passionate discussion?”
Places that have great potential also have to be willing to undergo great change. Diamonds come from coal undergoing A LOT of pressure. If you want something to be a diamond, then you have to be willing to go through and overcome a lot of obstacles. I’ve had a couple of experiences lately with things that could be diamonds, but are they willing to make changes? This same line of thinking has made me wonder if I could be a really good business consultant. I don’t want to manage day to day operations of anything, but I feel like I could give plans to help places move in the direction of becoming a diamond.
I’m tired of seeing articles about people who had something horrible happen to them because they were trying to take a picture to post on social media. I am sorry the horrible thing happened; however, if there wasn’t so much fame/infamy given to “social influencers” then the horrible thing may have never happened in the first place because the person wouldn’t have felt like they had to take a dangerous picture just to post it. Along this same thought, I think a discussion about mental health and social influence needs to be started. Perhaps it has been started, and I just need to do some research on the topic!

I’m sure that I could keep going, but my state has improved from “Fire Bad, Tree Pretty” with my brain dump. Thanks for indulging me!

This is a safe place, so if there is something you need to get off your mind, leave it in the comments!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Another Trip Around the Sun

Photo by Sebastian Arie Voortman on Pexels.com

Tonight concludes another trip around the sun! Usually I blog on my birthday about all the great things that have happened in the last year, but this year I’m feeling a little differently – more introspective – about my birthday. Per usual I did have a list of things that I wanted to accomplish in the year, and as per usual as circumstances changed, the list changed. In the end I accomplished 24 of the 40 on the list, and I had a lot of fun throughout the year. However, more important than the fun was the personal growth that I felt came with 40, so I want to share some of my personal growth tips from the last year.

Learn to set boundaries. If you don’t learn to establish boundaries, people will walk all over you. Also, while learning to set boundaries, understand that it is a process not instantaneous.
Learn to do one thing at a time. As much as we all like to multi-task, we can only be fully present with one thing at a time.
Learn to not let the comments people make bother you to the point that you can’t focus. This is hard, but it is important to learn to do in order to avoid driving yourself crazy.
Try something new or something you haven’t done in a long time. There’s a rush that goes with learning or re-trying a skill!
Put down the phone. Boy this is a hard one that I’m trying to improve upon so that my child doesn’t believe it’s necessary to have a phone in front of your nose. When you put down the phone, you will realize how much stress being on it can cause you.
Schedules are not a bad thing. This is a struggle for me because I like to think I’m fun and do things on the fly, but the truth is that I achieve more and get more joy (because of not rushing) when things are scheduled. Plus, I love having things on the calendar to look forward to doing!
Dance like no one is watching! It’s fun!
Sing your heart out! It’s okay if you’re still belting out all of your favorite 90’s and 00’s songs!
Take one on one time with people. It allows you to connect with them on a deeper level and strengthens relationships.
Coffee, tea, and water are the best drinks on the planet! Water might be the most important, but the other two are right up there!
If you want to see change in the world, start by making a small change yourself. It’s really easy to complain about how hateful everyone in the world is, but by modeling kindness to others, you can be part of the solution.
Read a book or listen to an audiobook! There is power in the written word!
Find faith in something. For me it is God; for you it could be a blueberry muffin. I’m not going to judge what you put your faith into, but I can assure you that it is better to have faith in something than not at all.
Get outside! There is healing in nature!
Plan a trip! Then go on that trip. The world is big, and you deserve to see more than the little slice where you reside.
Purging material items that you don’t need is cathartic especially if you find a way to donate or reuse it instead of filling a landfill.
It’s okay to not believe the same things as previous generations. You’re a different person; therefore, it is okay for your viewpoints to be different.
If you influence children, teach them to actually learn things for themselves instead of believing everything they are told.
Stop believing that everything on the Internet or Social Media is true! If you see something that you’re unsure about its validity, do some research before you repost it.
Be proud of the things you have accomplished! They make you special and wonderful! Having a hard time with this? Take 10 minutes and list some of your greatest accomplishments.
Play with Legos. In fact, if you’re an adult, just find ways to play. Having fun will make your life better!
You’re never too old to look the way you want. Have blue hair! Get a nose ring! Do your thing!!!
Follow your dreams! I had always dreamed of writing and publishing, and now Mr Kisby and I have a little thing called Letters & Lore! It’s connected to this page!
Send handwritten notes to people. It takes more effort than a text or FB post, and it shows that you care.
Learn to stop comparing yourself to others. This is super hard and a work in progress, but I can assure you that if you accept who you are, you can achieve greatness!
Eat Zaxby’s. You can thank me later.
Don’t be afraid to try new things. Change might be scary, but it can also be amazing!
Do something you’ve been afraid to try. For me it was getting back on an airplane, but I had the best time last July, and I feel like I became a better person for it. Plus, it helps teach LilKsby to not be afraid.
Walk, run, jog, whatever…just get moving.
Life is short. Eat cake. Then go back to number 29.
It’s okay to stop doing things you no longer enjoy. Set it aside, and you may find that you like it if you try it again down the road.
Tell people your dreams.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help shows strength not weakness.
Relax during the holidays. Don’t get stressed out by trying to make them perfect. Enjoy them.
Unless you have a legit good reason, don’t say “no” to social invitations.
Make sure your cup is full so that you can pour into others.
Get a massage. It’s okay if you start laughing because you’re ticklish.
Always re-evaluate your goals in life. You’ll get further by allowing yourself to change.
Watch a favorite show again especially if you need a laugh!
Don’t wish time away. You can’t get it back.

That’s a lot of tips! I’ve learned a lot at 40, and I am 100% that 41 is going to be even more exciting and freeing! Much love my friends!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

10 Things I Love About Me

As part of a leadership class I am taking, I’m starting a 30 day challenge of Daily Journal Prompts. This is outside of my usual realm, but I’m excited for the challenge!

Prompt 8 – List 10 things you love about yourself.

I love this prompt! Not because I love to talk about myself although sometimes I do it a little too much, but because I think listing things you love about yourself is a great mental health exercise. Over the years I’ve used a similar exercise to this prompt for therapeutic reasons, and I highly recommend everyone do it! Here goes my list!

1. I love my creativity and expressing it through painting, sewing, scrapbooking, coloring, and writing.

2. I love my ability to get lost in a book. Books can take you to another world, inform you, and inspire you!

3. I love my head – like all of it. My hair has always made me happy as have my eyes and smile.

4. I love my ability to burst out into song at random moments whether it is with a made up song or one I half know the lyrics to.

5. I love my tendency to be easily excited and enthusiastic about the littlest things!

6. I love my caring spirit and how much taking care of others feeds my soul. It’s important to be a servant leader.

7. I love my ability to teach people a variety of skills in a variety of areas.

8. I love my ability to work hard and get things done when I put my mind to accomplishing something.

9. I love my love of water. I feel most at peace when water is involved be it a shower, pool, rain, lake, etc.

10. Most of all I love being able to live by my priorities: faith, family/friends, living by the Golden Rule, and then career. The two greatest roles in my life are wife and mother, and I do my best to up hold that calling.

I challenge everyone to make their own 10 list!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

I Am…

Have you ever researched the stories of successful people? If you have, then you know that no matter their field, successful people tend to utilize positive affirmations. I know it can seem silly and even embarrassing to talk out loud to yourself and tell yourself how awesome you are. In fact, when I first heard about the concept of positive affirmation, I thought it was absolutely nuts. Turns out I’m wrong, and there is even some science to prove it! (Seriously, check this out for more info: https://positivepsychology.com/daily-affirmations/) Plus, after many years of using them on and off, I must admit that things just seem to work out better when I’m using positive affirmations!

So let’s say you’ve realized the benefits of positive affirmations, and you want to start using them. Sometimes the hardest thing is coming up with your affirmation. One option is to Google positive affirmations. However, sometimes those can seem cliche. If you’re looking to get started, here are some that you can use or adapt to fit your needs.

I am confident!
I am courageous!
I am abundantly blessed! (For added impact say the ways you’re blessed out loud.)
I am beautiful!
I am capable!
I am powerful!
I am strong!
I am able to overcome any obstacle!
I am smart!
I am creative!
I am passionate!
I can do anything I set my mind to do!
I can be X! (Put your goal in place of the X.)

For extra impact, you can tie an inspirational quote or scripture from your faith to your affirmation. For example, my affirmation might be “I am capable,” and I can tie that to the following quote from Mary Kay Ash: “I can! I will! I must!” Once you’ve got this part squared away, then you have to figure out when to say you’re affirmation. I recommend saying them in the morning to start your day. I also recommend saying them anytime you need a confidence boost during the day. Want the biggest impact? Say them as you’re falling asleep too. This way you go to sleep on a positive note!

Aside from just start saying your positive affirmations, my last piece of advice is to give yourself grace. If you go strong for a week, then you go a month without saying a positive affirmation, know that it is okay. The beauty of positive affirmations is that you can start using them and restart using them as often as you need! You can also change them as your circumstance change!

I can’t wait to hear about what positive affirmations can do for you!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

What Do YOU Enjoy?

What do YOU enjoy? When someone asks what you enjoy, it can be easy to just give rote responses like “time with family”, “my job”, and “hanging out with friends”. Those are the kinds of answers that people like to hear, and those answers are great. It’s important to have family and friends that you like to be around! But guess what? There is someone else you should enjoy being around. Do you know who that is? Yourself!

Do you remember the last time you did something you enjoyed just for yourself? I do! In fact, I’m doing it right now as one of the things I enjoy is writing! But what about you? Do you ever take time to evaluate whether or not you are doing things that you enjoy?

If you answered no, then I challenge you to get something to write with, set a timer for two minutes, and just start writing down things that you enjoy that don’t involve other people. Ready, set, go!

I did this exercise yesterday, and I was amazed by two things. One, I still could have kept writing even when my two minute timer went off. I think this is great! It means that I enjoy a wide array of things. Also, judging by my list, I should never be bored!!!Two, I thought about things that I haven’t done in a long time like kayaking, and listing it made me want to get back on the water! Once it gets warmer of course! What did you learn from your list?

What do you enjoy seems like a simple question, but as adults it is very easy to forget the things we enjoy or not make the time to do them. On some level, adults tend to forget how to have fun because of how busy life is. Those are the times when you most need to pull out your list. Did you know that it has been proven that people who do things they enjoy are more productive in other assets of life? It’s true! As a bonus they also typically have better relationships!

My challenge for you is to take time today and do at least one thing you enjoy. In fact, make it your goal to do one thing you enjoy every day!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Self Care

From a young age, we are taught that putting ourselves before others is selfish. However, I have realized that I cannot be my best self for others if I don’t make time for self care. Wouldn’t you agree that you’re better in all areas of life when you’re also taking care of yourself? I know that I’m a better mom, wife, teacher, etc when I take time for self care!

I know I’ve talked about self care before, but I feel like reminders about it are always important. Reminder number one, if you’ve not had a checkup in a while, then making a doctors appointment for an annual exam can be a great start to self care. Reminder two, taking note of your physical health and noting changes can be crucial! I’ve been off of soda for a week and a half, and I can tell a difference in my digestive system (I was addicted to Diet Coke). I can also tell you when I haven’t drank enough water. Without adequate water in take, I feel less energetic. Third reminder, exercise is key to self care. This is one I really need to get back to because my walking and yoga have really been slacking. The slacking has led to being less energetic. Finally, this is your reminder to take time for things that make YOU happy. Read a book, paint a picture, play a game that people think is silly (I love the Sims), try something new, watch a show that makes you laugh, pamper yourself, etc. Do something that brings you joy at least once a day! I’m not a wellness expert, but I can assure you from my experience that these small steps to self care can make you feel better!

I hope these reminders help you remember that self care isn’t selfish. I know that it can be hard to put your needs first, but sometimes it is necessary!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Self Care

I hope these reminders help you remember that self care isn’t selfish. I know that it can be hard to put your needs first, but sometimes it is necessary!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

How Are You Really?

How many times a day are you asked “How are you?” or a similar question? How often is your response “I’m fine”, “Good”, or something similar? Do you feel like these responses border on robotic because you know the person talking to you doesn’t want to hear the truth?

I bet if I could see you, then I would have just seen a raised hand!

Now let me ask you this question, “How are you really?” Instead of responding with the first thing that pops in your mind, I encourage you to take a few moments and do a wellness check. So take a deep breath and join me on a reflective journey for the next five minutes! Ready? Let’s go!

Minute 1 – Get comfortable by taking a seated position that makes you relaxed, lounging on your most comfortable piece of furniture, or try utilizing shavasana (corpse pose). Take a few deep breaths and clear your mind.

Minute 2 – Think about your physical health. Quickly do a head to toe body scan and note anything out of the ordinary. Perhaps you will notice that your eyes feel tired and strained from increased screen time. Maybe you will notice that your shoulders and hips feel out of alignment due to poor posture or a previously diagnosed condition like scoliosis. You may notice that your muscles are stiff from new exercises that you’ve been doing. If something seems alarming, make a note and call a health professional so that you don’t fret over the issue.

Minute 3 – Think about your emotional health. What emotions have you felt today? Were you frustrated because you had to do things at work today that you don’t enjoy? Did you find a reason to laugh or smile today? Did you feel sad? Did you feel content? If you’re emotions have been like a roller coaster, take a moment to consider what caused such fluctuations. Also, never hesitate to call a professional if need be.

Minute 4 – Think about your mental health. Have you experienced anxiety today? Have you felt stressed today? Is your mental health beginning to impact you physically and emotionally? If you examine your mental health and realize that you need professional help, then reach out to someone. There is no shame in getting the mental health assistance you need. I don’t talk about it a lot, but I’ve had to take medication for anxiety in the past. At first I thought people would judge me for having to be on it, but now I’m not afraid to acknowledge that it was necessary. I hope that my own admission will help others be comfortable with getting the help they need!

Minute 5 – What are your next best steps? Now that you’ve evaluated your health, it is time to consider the next best steps. Personally, my next best physical step is to continue increasing my exercise levels. For my emotional health, it is remembering to not let one mishap mess up my emotions/mood for the whole day. This has always been hard for me! As far as mental health, my next best step is working on coping strategies for stress. Please know that your next best steps may be different than mine; in fact, your next best steps should be different and unique to your health.

Now that you’ve had a moment to evaluate yourself, “How are you really?”

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Just Breathe and Take Control

Anyone else feel like if one thing doesn’t go right then they beat themselves up so bad mentally that the rest of the evening is shot? I’m sure I’m not the only one! About 21 hours into 2021, this happened to me for the first time in the New Year. Now it’s 22 hours into 2021, and I can assure you that sometimes you just need to breathe, take control, and everything will work out.

Without going into a lot of details, last night I thought I placed an Amazon order that had to be received before 2020 ended. Tonight, I realized the order never went through. My response was to mentally berate myself so much that I didn’t want to do anything except for sit and be mad at myself. After a few minutes, I logged onto my health account, chatted with a rep (who just happened to be working on New Year’s Day), and realized that I didn’t lose any money. I immediately felt relieved, and I now have a better understanding of how my health account operates. I ended the chat feeling immensely relieved, a little silly for getting so upset, and proud of myself for taking the initiative to attempt to do something about the whole situation which led to a good outcome.

This little story is a great reminder that sometimes we just need to breathe and take control in anyway we can. It is also a reminder that this is something I need to continuously work on improving. I’d been attempting to think all day about things I need to work on during 2021, and I kept making excuses for why I couldn’t think about it at a given time. As it turns out, I didn’t need think time; I just needed a bump in the road to remind me of what I need to improve in 2021. I just need to remember to breathe and take control when things seems to not go as expected!

Here’s to just breathing and taking control! Happy 2021!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby