selfcare – The Great Kaysby

Another Trip Around the Sun

Photo by Sebastian Arie Voortman on Pexels.com

Tonight concludes another trip around the sun! Usually I blog on my birthday about all the great things that have happened in the last year, but this year I’m feeling a little differently – more introspective – about my birthday. Per usual I did have a list of things that I wanted to accomplish in the year, and as per usual as circumstances changed, the list changed. In the end I accomplished 24 of the 40 on the list, and I had a lot of fun throughout the year. However, more important than the fun was the personal growth that I felt came with 40, so I want to share some of my personal growth tips from the last year.

Learn to set boundaries. If you don’t learn to establish boundaries, people will walk all over you. Also, while learning to set boundaries, understand that it is a process not instantaneous.
Learn to do one thing at a time. As much as we all like to multi-task, we can only be fully present with one thing at a time.
Learn to not let the comments people make bother you to the point that you can’t focus. This is hard, but it is important to learn to do in order to avoid driving yourself crazy.
Try something new or something you haven’t done in a long time. There’s a rush that goes with learning or re-trying a skill!
Put down the phone. Boy this is a hard one that I’m trying to improve upon so that my child doesn’t believe it’s necessary to have a phone in front of your nose. When you put down the phone, you will realize how much stress being on it can cause you.
Schedules are not a bad thing. This is a struggle for me because I like to think I’m fun and do things on the fly, but the truth is that I achieve more and get more joy (because of not rushing) when things are scheduled. Plus, I love having things on the calendar to look forward to doing!
Dance like no one is watching! It’s fun!
Sing your heart out! It’s okay if you’re still belting out all of your favorite 90’s and 00’s songs!
Take one on one time with people. It allows you to connect with them on a deeper level and strengthens relationships.
Coffee, tea, and water are the best drinks on the planet! Water might be the most important, but the other two are right up there!
If you want to see change in the world, start by making a small change yourself. It’s really easy to complain about how hateful everyone in the world is, but by modeling kindness to others, you can be part of the solution.
Read a book or listen to an audiobook! There is power in the written word!
Find faith in something. For me it is God; for you it could be a blueberry muffin. I’m not going to judge what you put your faith into, but I can assure you that it is better to have faith in something than not at all.
Get outside! There is healing in nature!
Plan a trip! Then go on that trip. The world is big, and you deserve to see more than the little slice where you reside.
Purging material items that you don’t need is cathartic especially if you find a way to donate or reuse it instead of filling a landfill.
It’s okay to not believe the same things as previous generations. You’re a different person; therefore, it is okay for your viewpoints to be different.
If you influence children, teach them to actually learn things for themselves instead of believing everything they are told.
Stop believing that everything on the Internet or Social Media is true! If you see something that you’re unsure about its validity, do some research before you repost it.
Be proud of the things you have accomplished! They make you special and wonderful! Having a hard time with this? Take 10 minutes and list some of your greatest accomplishments.
Play with Legos. In fact, if you’re an adult, just find ways to play. Having fun will make your life better!
You’re never too old to look the way you want. Have blue hair! Get a nose ring! Do your thing!!!
Follow your dreams! I had always dreamed of writing and publishing, and now Mr Kisby and I have a little thing called Letters & Lore! It’s connected to this page!
Send handwritten notes to people. It takes more effort than a text or FB post, and it shows that you care.
Learn to stop comparing yourself to others. This is super hard and a work in progress, but I can assure you that if you accept who you are, you can achieve greatness!
Eat Zaxby’s. You can thank me later.
Don’t be afraid to try new things. Change might be scary, but it can also be amazing!
Do something you’ve been afraid to try. For me it was getting back on an airplane, but I had the best time last July, and I feel like I became a better person for it. Plus, it helps teach LilKsby to not be afraid.
Walk, run, jog, whatever…just get moving.
Life is short. Eat cake. Then go back to number 29.
It’s okay to stop doing things you no longer enjoy. Set it aside, and you may find that you like it if you try it again down the road.
Tell people your dreams.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help shows strength not weakness.
Relax during the holidays. Don’t get stressed out by trying to make them perfect. Enjoy them.
Unless you have a legit good reason, don’t say “no” to social invitations.
Make sure your cup is full so that you can pour into others.
Get a massage. It’s okay if you start laughing because you’re ticklish.
Always re-evaluate your goals in life. You’ll get further by allowing yourself to change.
Watch a favorite show again especially if you need a laugh!
Don’t wish time away. You can’t get it back.

That’s a lot of tips! I’ve learned a lot at 40, and I am 100% that 41 is going to be even more exciting and freeing! Much love my friends!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

10 Things I Love About Me

As part of a leadership class I am taking, I’m starting a 30 day challenge of Daily Journal Prompts. This is outside of my usual realm, but I’m excited for the challenge!

Prompt 8 – List 10 things you love about yourself.

I love this prompt! Not because I love to talk about myself although sometimes I do it a little too much, but because I think listing things you love about yourself is a great mental health exercise. Over the years I’ve used a similar exercise to this prompt for therapeutic reasons, and I highly recommend everyone do it! Here goes my list!

1. I love my creativity and expressing it through painting, sewing, scrapbooking, coloring, and writing.

2. I love my ability to get lost in a book. Books can take you to another world, inform you, and inspire you!

3. I love my head – like all of it. My hair has always made me happy as have my eyes and smile.

4. I love my ability to burst out into song at random moments whether it is with a made up song or one I half know the lyrics to.

5. I love my tendency to be easily excited and enthusiastic about the littlest things!

6. I love my caring spirit and how much taking care of others feeds my soul. It’s important to be a servant leader.

7. I love my ability to teach people a variety of skills in a variety of areas.

8. I love my ability to work hard and get things done when I put my mind to accomplishing something.

9. I love my love of water. I feel most at peace when water is involved be it a shower, pool, rain, lake, etc.

10. Most of all I love being able to live by my priorities: faith, family/friends, living by the Golden Rule, and then career. The two greatest roles in my life are wife and mother, and I do my best to up hold that calling.

I challenge everyone to make their own 10 list!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Me + Food = ?

If you’ve read my blog for a long time, then you know that I used to write a lot about food. I would discuss my favorite foods along with where to get them. I thought of myself as a foodie and being a paid food critic sounded like a dream job! Paid to eat? Sign me up! However, as I got older and my priorities changed, I started realizing that my relationship with food was not a relationship I wanted LilKsby to grow up copying.

I grew up in what I would like to call the “clean your plate era.” I distinctly remember going to restaurants as a child and the restaurants having rewards (usually more food) for children who would eat everything. I’ll never forget that at Captain D’s a free piece of chocolate cake was the reward. As a kid, I thought this was great even though I don’t even like chocolate! It was just the idea of “winning” a prize. As an adult, I find myself appalled that the reward for overeating was to eat more. Because of these reward systems, for a long time I found myself feeling required to clean my plate. I’m not saying this “clean your plate mentality” is the sole reason for my obesity – a lot of bad habits went into that – but it took a long time for me to become okay with having leftovers!

Some of my other bad habits with food have also attributed to my up and down relationship with the scale. One of the worst of these is eating out of habit instead of hunger. For my entire school career, health classes pushed the concept of three meals a day: breakfast when you woke up, lunch around noon, and dinner in the early evening. There was also usually a rousing chorus of “breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” Since this is what was taught, eating became routine whether I was hungry or not. Lately, I’m really working to ask myself “Am I hungry?” before having a meal or snack. Another bad habit for me is emotional eating. This is a big one! Just this evening, I was feeling a little moody and found myself thinking “I need a cookie to feel better!” I looked at the tub of cookies, then I thought to myself, “You don’t need a cookie! You’re not hungry!” Guess what? I’m really glad that I didn’t eat that cookie!

Acknowledging the bad qualities of my relationship with food has been an interesting journey. When you love something so much, it can be hard to want to make a change. I’m still working on making better choices a lot of which comes down to planning and sticking to the plan. I’ve also been striving to educate myself on better healthy eating habits from credible sources and avoiding “crash diets.” It’s a work in progress, and I know that there are going to be occasions where I over indulge. However, I’m not going to give up!

Want to join me on my wellness journey?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

I Am…

Have you ever researched the stories of successful people? If you have, then you know that no matter their field, successful people tend to utilize positive affirmations. I know it can seem silly and even embarrassing to talk out loud to yourself and tell yourself how awesome you are. In fact, when I first heard about the concept of positive affirmation, I thought it was absolutely nuts. Turns out I’m wrong, and there is even some science to prove it! (Seriously, check this out for more info: https://positivepsychology.com/daily-affirmations/) Plus, after many years of using them on and off, I must admit that things just seem to work out better when I’m using positive affirmations!

So let’s say you’ve realized the benefits of positive affirmations, and you want to start using them. Sometimes the hardest thing is coming up with your affirmation. One option is to Google positive affirmations. However, sometimes those can seem cliche. If you’re looking to get started, here are some that you can use or adapt to fit your needs.

I am confident!
I am courageous!
I am abundantly blessed! (For added impact say the ways you’re blessed out loud.)
I am beautiful!
I am capable!
I am powerful!
I am strong!
I am able to overcome any obstacle!
I am smart!
I am creative!
I am passionate!
I can do anything I set my mind to do!
I can be X! (Put your goal in place of the X.)

For extra impact, you can tie an inspirational quote or scripture from your faith to your affirmation. For example, my affirmation might be “I am capable,” and I can tie that to the following quote from Mary Kay Ash: “I can! I will! I must!” Once you’ve got this part squared away, then you have to figure out when to say you’re affirmation. I recommend saying them in the morning to start your day. I also recommend saying them anytime you need a confidence boost during the day. Want the biggest impact? Say them as you’re falling asleep too. This way you go to sleep on a positive note!

Aside from just start saying your positive affirmations, my last piece of advice is to give yourself grace. If you go strong for a week, then you go a month without saying a positive affirmation, know that it is okay. The beauty of positive affirmations is that you can start using them and restart using them as often as you need! You can also change them as your circumstance change!

I can’t wait to hear about what positive affirmations can do for you!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

What This Working Mama Wants ❤️

Growing up it was always emphasized to my generation that women can be anything they want. They can have a career; in fact they can have any career a man can have perhaps with the exception of penis model. They can live on their own and live the single life ala Sex and the City; they can live with roommates; they can cohabitate with a domestic partner. They can even go the more traditional route and pursue marriage and children. At some point, I’ve pretty much covered all these bases with feeling totally fine about the fact that I can’t be a penis model. Although for me the single life was nothing like Sex and the City, partially because I prefer video games to bars.

The most fulfilling of all the things I’ve been? The role of mama! There’s truly nothing like it! As a working mama and wife, I’m not good at doing the traditional “wife jobs”. Partially because I don’t have a lot of time, but also because I’m not big on a lot of domestic things. My restaurant receipts alone will tell you that I’m more Stephanie Plum than Samantha Stephens in the kitchen! Many may think that the shear fact that women like me can have it all is all we want. However, while I enjoy having the possibilities, there are other things I want as a working mama!

The number one thing I want as a working mama? The gift of time with my family. On a typical work day, I leave at 7 am and pick LilKsby up between 4 and 4:30. That’s 9 to 9 1/2 hours without him. When we get home, we have dinner, bath, and he is usually asleep by 7. This means when you factor in the half hour I see him before work, I only see my child for approximately 3 1/2 hours per day five days a week. That’s not the kind of math I like. So, my number one want? More time with family!

I also want to have an irrational emotional/mental meltdown every once in a while as someone listens to me vent. I am very lucky to have Mr Kisby and friends that allow this. If I didn’t, I might go crazy. The feeling split between being a great employee (especially in a field that requires a great deal of compassion and is constantly being put down and under minded by legislation) and being the best mama and spouse possible can be exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am amazed at the people who do it without ever having a come apart because I’ve got to let it out sometimes!

The last thing I want? This one may sound selfish, but self care isn’t selfish. I need time to just be me. It’s really easy to forget who you are when you’re consumed by being a mama, wife, and worker. It can be easy to lose yourself when you’re busy taking care of other people. That’s why I think it’s important to take time and enjoy things you like doing. This is why I read, write, create, and play video games. It’s important to me to still have time for things that I enjoy; it’s important to have time for the things that make me who I am! I truly believe that when I am my best me, then I can be my best in every other role that I have!

I could get into a lot more universal issues that I want as a working mama, but I feel like those pertain to lots of mamas and not just me. Maybe other mamas have the same wants as me. Maybe I just wanted to write about my thoughts today. Either way, I hope this some inspires you or helps you reflect on what you want.

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Self Care

From a young age, we are taught that putting ourselves before others is selfish. However, I have realized that I cannot be my best self for others if I don’t make time for self care. Wouldn’t you agree that you’re better in all areas of life when you’re also taking care of yourself? I know that I’m a better mom, wife, teacher, etc when I take time for self care!

I know I’ve talked about self care before, but I feel like reminders about it are always important. Reminder number one, if you’ve not had a checkup in a while, then making a doctors appointment for an annual exam can be a great start to self care. Reminder two, taking note of your physical health and noting changes can be crucial! I’ve been off of soda for a week and a half, and I can tell a difference in my digestive system (I was addicted to Diet Coke). I can also tell you when I haven’t drank enough water. Without adequate water in take, I feel less energetic. Third reminder, exercise is key to self care. This is one I really need to get back to because my walking and yoga have really been slacking. The slacking has led to being less energetic. Finally, this is your reminder to take time for things that make YOU happy. Read a book, paint a picture, play a game that people think is silly (I love the Sims), try something new, watch a show that makes you laugh, pamper yourself, etc. Do something that brings you joy at least once a day! I’m not a wellness expert, but I can assure you from my experience that these small steps to self care can make you feel better!

I hope these reminders help you remember that self care isn’t selfish. I know that it can be hard to put your needs first, but sometimes it is necessary!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Self Care

I hope these reminders help you remember that self care isn’t selfish. I know that it can be hard to put your needs first, but sometimes it is necessary!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Random Sunday Thoughts

As another Spring Break comes to a close, there are a multitude of thoughts swirling through my head. Like so many times when this happens, I feel like the best thing to do is attempt to sort them out in writing. Why do it in a blog? Because I’m sure if I’m thinking these things, there is someone else out there who can relate.

Thought 1 – On any given day, you can be both the “picture perfect” mama and “a chicken with her hair on fire” mama. Yesterday, I was the mama who takes the family to the Farmer’s Market in order to shop local and organic. That’s helping other families financially while helping the health of my family! We also did our grocery pickups because we meal plan like champs (even though often the plan gets tweaked midweek when a frozen pizza us substituted into the lineup). Then, we napped for three hours, woke up just in time for bath time, and the realization that we never had dinner. That’s when you go to Dominos in your pajamas with a messy bun and allow your toddler to eat greasy pizza way too late at night while staying up way past their bedtime! This was a great contrast to the “picture perfect” me who had taken the toddler to the library twice earlier in the week, taught him about gardening and growing our own vegetables, and the importance of family outings on nature trails and to the zoo! Spoiler alert, with all that teaching of good things, I may have relied on McDonalds and Burger King a little too much this week! Why both? Because one has $1 drinks and good fries, and the other has Whoppers.

Thought 2 – Flexibility is a way of life. I had these great ambitions of a “self spa” day where I was going to color my hair, do a charcoal mask, and paint my nails. All of these are great thoughts, but when you take a three hour nap while snuggling a toddler who then goes to bed two hours late, the thoughts stay thoughts. For a minute, I was kind of upset about it, then I realized that at least I got a shower and to pluck my eyebrows (they were pretty unsightly…not to mention a dead giveaway that I color my hair when they are thicker). Sometimes it’s the little things that make you smile!

Thought 3 – Does it ever become easier to go back rib work after breaks? Don’t get me wrong. I like my job, but I LOVE being a wife and mom. After a whole week of just getting to be a wife and mom, it is really hard to go back to both. As much as you try, it is really hard to be fully there for both. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has thoughts such as “Did I take the chicken out for dinner?” and “Did I switch the baby’s laundry out?” while at work. Likewise, at home during wife/mom time sometimes I can’t help but think about things that happened at work that day especially if something didn’t get finished that I wanted to complete. Once I get back into the swing of both, it’s always fine. There’s just always that dread the day before returning since it requires sacrificing time with those you love most.

Thought 4 – Why are people so quick to change their tunes based on popular opinions even when they are founded in misconceptions? Just a year ago, the general public was celebrating teachers for their flexibility and quick ability to adapt to non-traditional methods of providing instruction. People were actually talking about how teachers deserved higher pay! Now, some of the same public acts like teachers are horrible, selfish human beings because they put their own families needs first and/or have been anxiety ridden by all the pandemic protocols. FYI…this school year has required more work than any other year in order to meet the needs of all students.

My random thoughts might not make a lot of sense; however, they are a little more sorted out! Just like I knew they would be. 😊 I hope that whatever random thoughts you’re having tonight, you can sort them out too.

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Wellness Wednesday

Happy Wellness Wednesday! For our family on this particular Wednesday, wellness has meant family flu shots. Yup, flu shots all around! However, wellness doesn’t just have to mean something associated with a vaccine or physical ailment. Wellness can be associated with mental and emotional health just as much as physical. In fact, I personally believe that mental and emotional health is more important than the physical health! Anybody agree?

No matter what Wellness Wednesday means to you, I thought you might enjoy my favorite wellness tips.

Stay hydrated! Drink plenty of water! Why? One, dehydration blows. Seriously, some of the worst I’ve ever felt was when dehydrated. Two, water is great for your skin. Three, it’s been proven than drinking water actually helps you stay awake more than caffeine (ties in with hydration and no crash factor). Plus, water can be super tasty! I’m sure I’m not the only person who loves to infuse their water with flavors!

Get outside! I’ve always said that Seasonal Affective Disorder was a thing even before it had that title. Getting out in the sun and being part of nature can improve any mood. There’s something invigorating about going for a walk on a crisp day! There’s also something about nature (for me especially around bodies of water) that can provide you with so much clarity about life.

Nap Like a Toddler! Lilksby is in that stage where somedays he needs a 30 minute nap, and other days he needs a 2 hour nap. It’s all relative to how much sleep he’s had and the activities of the day. However, no matter the amount of time the nap is, he wakes up refreshed and ready to go for the rest of the day. We all could use those little boosts. So nap like a toddler!

Self Care Isn’t Selfish! How many of you feel guilty when you take time for you? I know this can be an easy trap to find yourself in, but I firmly believe that self care makes you better for all those you’re around. If you aren’t feeling your best, then you won’t be your best self for them. Self care doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as taking a bubble bath, doing a face mask, exercising by yourself, or sitting with a book and a glass of wine. I recommend self care at least a couple times a week. If you’re a planner, then plan for Self Care Sunday and Wellness Wednesday.

Read or Write! I tell people all the time that it doesn’t matter what you read or write, but there’s something about those activities that can make you feel more alive. I think it is because when you’re reading or writing, you’re actively engaging more of your brain than if you’re just staring at a screen watching mindless videos. (Don’t get me wrong, mindless videos have their place especially when I’m sick. I just don’t think they promote better wellness.) I know that for me, reading promotes wellness because it is so engaging and to a degree has me thinking instead of just responding especially if I’m reading a mystery or piece that promotes rhetorical thinking. I also believe that writing is one of the things that keeps me the most sane whether it is for this blog, a brain dump, gratitude journal, or friendly note to someone. For me reading and writing wellness keep my brain from becoming mush! Figuratively of course!

Those are my thoughts on promoting wellness. What are your Wellness Wednesday thoughts?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Remember You

The best way to describe Mama Brain – the postpartum version of Baby Brain – is that it is like when you are finishing your shower, and you can’t recall if you actually used shower gel or just thought you did. Sometimes you might wash again to be sure, other times you may just feel your loofah, be satisfied that it is wet, and hope for the best. I think everyone – parent or not – has had that feeling! For me Mama Brain is usually a sign that my brain is overloaded, and I need a little time for me even if it is just five minutes.

Me time…I think that is my biggest piece of advice for new parents. Take some time for yourself because without some “me time”, you can’t recharge and be the best mommy or daddy possible. That said, here are some of the me time things that I thought I’d share. 😊

Eyebrow maintenance – I’ve got some unruly and scarred (I’m one of the clumsiest people ever) eyebrows, and it can make me feel like a new lady to take five minutes and pluck them! And as a bonus, when my eyebrows are thinner it is harder for people to discern whether or not my hair is its natural color or not. I like to keep folks guessing!

Shaving your legs – This one takes some time to accomplish, but there is a refreshing, rejuvenated feeling that goes along with not being able to spy your leg hairs at a distance. Usually I don’t notice until I’m wearing a skirt at school, and then I find myself wondering if everyone else can see them too. Plus it is nice to not feel your leg hair through your pajamas!

Read – a book, a magazine, a website, anything! It’s nice to get lost in someone else’s world for a few minutes. YA books are some of my favs because they don’t require much thought. Recently, I’ve been tearing through Meg Cabot’s Heather Wells series. Reading has also helped me stay awake during late night pumping and nursing sessions.

Writing – the most therapeutic me time in my opinion! Whether it is journaling to have a brain dump or brainstorming novel ideas, I find writing to be relaxing.

Napping – There are days when nothing is more perfect than having Mr Kisby take care of LilKsby while I take a nap for an hour. It’s the most restful sleep ever!

Video Games – a good mindless activity to relax! I love that there are a variety of things I can do with video games. I can defend the Horde or Alliance, sing Karaoke, and solve word puzzles.

Tell me, parents out there what are your favorite me times?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby