The Great Kaysby

More Than Food

Thanksgiving is only two days from today, and I want to make a bold and probably unpopular statement: Thanksgiving is about more than food.

People who know me will probably be quick to think my statement is because I don’t like Thanksgiving food. Admittedly, I’m not a fan of whole turkeys; I don’t like real mashed potatoes; stuffing that has been inside the bird disgusts me; I find pumpkin pie to have too much pumpkin flavor. Oh, and I’m allergic to sweet potatoes. Additionally, as not the biggest fan of cooking, I struggle with the concept of a meal that takes days to cook and minutes to eat. However, this is not why I believe Thanksgiving is more than food.

In my years – 38 of them – I remember a lot of Thanksgivings. I vaguely remember sitting around tables, but I can’t tell you what all was part of the spread. Do you know what I remember about the table portion? Being allowed sips of wine from Grandma’s special goblets as a teenager. That’s about it.

For me, Thanksgiving was always about doing things with my family. Some years this meant Thanksgiving was about lottery tickets. After eating, we would sit in my grandma’s living room and play scratch offs (we liked scratch offs the way some people like watching football). We would start with like $30 worth. Once they were scratched, we’d walk over to the gas station and buy more with the winnings plus a little extra if needed to get the number of tickets divisible by six (the number of people in the family). We’d continue the cycle until there were either no winnings left or the winnings were so big that the winner didn’t want to share.

If we traveled to see my mom’s family, there weren’t lottery tickets. There also wasn’t wine for that matter. However, there was playing with cousins during a time that wasn’t summer and listening to my grandpa sing Christmas carols as my aunt played piano. There was also the time my uncle’s neighbor accidentally ran over himself while fixing his car. I missed the action because I was in the bathroom, but I’m pleased to report the guy was okay!

Traditionally in our house Thanksgiving has also been about planning our Black Friday shopping. Black Friday is the only day of the year I enjoy shopping because I like deals and the competitive treasure hunt aspect of Black Friday shopping. Back in the days before Covid, we’d spend hours looking at the ads and making a game plan. I was great at organizing who had the best sales at what times and creating a shopping agenda. I’m also phenomenal at the online follow up for things we couldn’t find in the stores! Covid has obviously changed our Black Friday shopping, but there’s always online!!!

For me, Thanksgiving is about more than food. For me, Thanksgiving is about time with family and enjoying that time together. Time is more precious than turkey ever will be! No matter the opinions of others on the matter, my mind is made up.

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Unplug to Recharge

I’m by far not a Transcendentalist. I tend to function better when I have a set routine, and even though I have a unique sense of style there is nothing groundbreaking about how I dress. I’m also too concerned with covering the amount of gray in my hair to say that I march to the beat of my own drummer. Even the unpopular things I’ve been involved with throughout my life such as theatre, medieval reenactment, playing video games, playing tabletop games, and writing have somehow become mainstream. However, there is one part of transcendentalism that I totally get: nature.

For me nature is where I go to unplug and recharge. (Unplug is kind of a loose term, but I’ll explain that in a minute.) There is something about being out in nature whether it is hiking, swimming, or sitting in a cabin looking out at the trees that helps me to feel peaceful and relaxed. This weekend was spent sitting in a cabin in the woods surrounded by family, and I can say that I haven’t felt this relaxed going into a work week since last May when a weekend was spent in a cabin in the woods! It was wonderful to unplug from all of the responsibilities of home! I don’t know about everyone else, but I struggle to truly relax at home. Even when I’m reading, writing, sewing, etc there is always that voice in the back of my head saying “You should be doing x, y, and z!” With that mantra in my head, it’s impossible to be totally serene at home. However, in a cabin, I can unplug that little voice and relax!

Relax and unplug for me is probably different than a lot of people. I still played on my phone while unplugging, and I still used my laptop. The difference is that instead of working, I used my devices to research things I would like for Christmas, order Christmas pajamas, and look at gifts for LilKsby. Not a bit of work was done! I also finished one book, read another book, and started a third one (all Stephanie Plum novels)! My only to do tasks all weekend were eat, hangout with family, and sleep! It was also relaxing to be able to go on a trip without having to go on the interstate. Back roads are way more relaxing! The best part of the weekend? The relaxation has continued even at home tonight. I’m not even stressed about going to work tomorrow!

I’m so thankful that I was able to spend the weekend in nature, unplug from everyday life, and recharge! Are you recharged for the week?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Jesus, Coco, & a Tiger

Have you ever taken a moment and thought about the viewing habits of toddlers? I knew that my toddler had some unique viewing habits since he likes to watch gaming, painting instruction, and nature videos with us; however, I didn’t realize how intriguing his own preferences are until we spent time this evening snuggling and watching Roku. The first thing he wanted to watch on YouTube was today’s Daily Mass. LilKsby doesn’t just watch any Mass. He wants to see the St Thomas the Apostle West Springfield, Massachusetts Daily Mass with the picture of the stain glass window featuring a lamb and a sepia toned picture of Jesus. Don’t pick the wrong Mass; that simply will not do! Next, we watched some Cocomelon on YouTube. He didn’t want to watch a full episode, but he did want to watch “Ten Little Buses”, “The ABC Song”, and “The Lunch Song”. We rounded out our evening by starting to watch the Daniel Tiger movie that’s on Amazon Prime.

Before you go thinking “Wow, The Great Kaysby lets her kid watch too much TV”, I want you to realize that we only watched about 45 minutes as we snuggled after dinner and simultaneously played with toys. Although he didn’t play with toys during the 20 minutes of Daily Mass. He’s always to busy mimicking the priest’s hand motions to play with toys then. Now with that disclaimer out of the way, I think it is interesting to think about what LilKsby’s viewing preferences say about him. One, he obviously likes shows that he can interact with while watching. Aside from the pretty lamb, I think he likes watching the Daily Mass because of the call and response aspect. It makes him feel like he’s socializing and participating in a conversation. In his mind Daily Mass is developing social skills. Secondly, it is obvious that LilKsby knows what topics he likes. This was evident by him choosing which segments he wanted to see of Cocomelon. I love that the segments he picked had specific things that I know he likes. For example, “Ten Little Buses” features an orange cat that steals toys. LilKsby has two orange kitties that he loves! They also steal stuff if you aren’t looking! He also loves food including the chicken nuggets and dumplings shown in the “The Lunch Song”! Finally, I can tell that Daniel Tiger is important to him because he loves family. One of his favorite things to do is watch how Daniel’s family interacts with one another. LilKsby also loves when Daniel wants to make believe! I never thought about the unique ways that LilKsby connects with his viewing choices until tonight, but now I can’t stop thinking about them!

So I’m curious, do other toddlers have similar viewing habits? Do other toddlers pick shows to watch because of such unique elements? What makes a toddler know what they prefer to watch? Is it really that different than when adults pick a favorite show? What’s your toddler watching?

Until my next random thought!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Dental Dwelling

This afternoon Mr Kisby and I had dentist appointments. While he was in his appointment, I started thinking about how different going to the dentist is as a kid. As a kid going to the dentist (or ortho) can be exciting! Not because you’re going to the dentist, but because it means getting out of school early. This leads to getting to play video games sooner (I would’ve picked a Zelda game), having a snack sooner, etc. Even though the dentist part wasn’t fun, it was always fun to get home early!

As an adult going to the dentist is exciting in a different way. For many of us, going to a dentist or doctors appointment requires taking off work either a full or half day. In a perfect world, the portion of the half day not spent at the dentist would be just as fun filled as it was during childhood. However, the world isn’t perfect and frequently any spare time is somehow spent adulting! This was very true for me today! During the time Mr Kisby was in the dentist and I was waiting for my appointment, I managed to drop items off at our local charitable thrift store, purchase air filters for our HVAC system from a local business, drop off recycling, and call two businesses with whom we work! When I was coming out of the local business, it hit me how different going to the dentist is as an adult. Never as a kid would I have imagined that I’d be so excited to get so many errands accomplished in 45 minutes! For that matter as a kid I never knew I’d one day be purchasing air filters! Spoiler, I would’ve been excited as a kid to have a few minutes to read in the parking lot before my appointment like I did today!

Going to the dentist isn’t the only thing that is different from childhood to adulthood. Most things are completely different than when we were too little to worry about money, be concerned with time, and have anxiety over things that are out of our control. I’d say those were the good old days, but I also love hanging out with Mr Kisby and LilKsby too much to believe that! However, at the end of the day, I think it’s important to remember what it was like to be a kid, and sometimes I think we need to embrace it! For me, this currently means I need to check on my Sims!

What do you dwell on when you go to the dentist?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Challenge Complete

Can you believe it has been 30 days since I made my 30 day challenge post? Did you try anything new for 30 days this month? Guess what?? I did! Every day in September, I did squats. It started with 50 per day, then just this week it became 100 per day!

Now, I don’t say that to brag. It was a tough journey! Here are some things I’ve learned from my squats:

1. Accountability partners are key!

2. Sometimes you have to push yourself to do things you don’t want to do.

3. Going from 0 to 100 – even over time – is painful, but it’s good pain.

4. Squats get my heart rate up more than walking.

5. Squats work your core. I’ve now got some definition in my core that’s never been there before.

6. Physical health involves physical ability and having an “I can” mindset.

7. Doing one thing for 30 days makes you want to try more things for 30 days!

I hope that you completed a 30 day challenge in September. However, if you didn’t, I’ve got great news for you! Tomorrow is a brand new month, and a brand new opportunity to take a challenge!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

How Are You Really?

How many times a day are you asked “How are you?” or a similar question? How often is your response “I’m fine”, “Good”, or something similar? Do you feel like these responses border on robotic because you know the person talking to you doesn’t want to hear the truth?

I bet if I could see you, then I would have just seen a raised hand!

Now let me ask you this question, “How are you really?” Instead of responding with the first thing that pops in your mind, I encourage you to take a few moments and do a wellness check. So take a deep breath and join me on a reflective journey for the next five minutes! Ready? Let’s go!

Minute 1 – Get comfortable by taking a seated position that makes you relaxed, lounging on your most comfortable piece of furniture, or try utilizing shavasana (corpse pose). Take a few deep breaths and clear your mind.

Minute 2 – Think about your physical health. Quickly do a head to toe body scan and note anything out of the ordinary. Perhaps you will notice that your eyes feel tired and strained from increased screen time. Maybe you will notice that your shoulders and hips feel out of alignment due to poor posture or a previously diagnosed condition like scoliosis. You may notice that your muscles are stiff from new exercises that you’ve been doing. If something seems alarming, make a note and call a health professional so that you don’t fret over the issue.

Minute 3 – Think about your emotional health. What emotions have you felt today? Were you frustrated because you had to do things at work today that you don’t enjoy? Did you find a reason to laugh or smile today? Did you feel sad? Did you feel content? If you’re emotions have been like a roller coaster, take a moment to consider what caused such fluctuations. Also, never hesitate to call a professional if need be.

Minute 4 – Think about your mental health. Have you experienced anxiety today? Have you felt stressed today? Is your mental health beginning to impact you physically and emotionally? If you examine your mental health and realize that you need professional help, then reach out to someone. There is no shame in getting the mental health assistance you need. I don’t talk about it a lot, but I’ve had to take medication for anxiety in the past. At first I thought people would judge me for having to be on it, but now I’m not afraid to acknowledge that it was necessary. I hope that my own admission will help others be comfortable with getting the help they need!

Minute 5 – What are your next best steps? Now that you’ve evaluated your health, it is time to consider the next best steps. Personally, my next best physical step is to continue increasing my exercise levels. For my emotional health, it is remembering to not let one mishap mess up my emotions/mood for the whole day. This has always been hard for me! As far as mental health, my next best step is working on coping strategies for stress. Please know that your next best steps may be different than mine; in fact, your next best steps should be different and unique to your health.

Now that you’ve had a moment to evaluate yourself, “How are you really?”

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

A Secret to Happiness 😊

Do you want to know the secret to happiness? With the caveat that I’m exhausted from last night’s insomnia (see the previous blog), I will tell you a secret to happiness. Are you ready? Here goes…

The secret to happiness is to realize it is okay for the things that bring you happiness to change.

As I write this, I’m lying on bed with LilKsby while he plays educational games on Mr Kisby’s phone. Normally, it doesn’t bring me happiness for him to play on phones because I believe there is a link between screen time and attention span length (I’m a mama not a scientist, so I could be wrong). However, on a day like today when I could go to bed before bath time, it brings me great happiness to just relax with him next to me. On a normal day this might make me feel reminiscent of a sloth, but not today!

This example of day to day happiness variance is not typical; however, it is reminiscent of how what brings us happiness changes throughout life. If you think back on your lifetime, I bet there are things you can think of that used to bring you happiness that no longer do or you’ve simply out grown. For example, Barbies brought me happiness from like 5 to 12. Do I wish Barbies still made me happy? Nope, but I’m glad I enjoyed them and the creativity they fostered while I did!

From about 19 to 29, a game called Amtgard brought me a lot of happiness (along with some headaches literally and figuratively). It’s been almost a decade since I’ve been active with it because it became more of a habit than an activity of happiness. However, I’m EXTREMELY thankful for the time that it brought me happiness and the skill is learned while playing. (Side note, it was stress relieving to get to legally hit people with foam sticks!) Today, I am ABUNDANTLY blessed by the husband and friendships that came from it. Guess what? They still make me happy!

Likewise some of the things I never knew would bring me happiness when I was younger have brought me more joy than I ever could’ve imagined. I am an only child, and I was never around babies much growing up. From this experience, I was sure that I never wanted kids. That is until I met my husband, and I got to see how cool kids were with our niece and nephews. This led to me finding out at 36 that being LilKsby’s mama brings me more happiness than I ever knew possible!

And there you have it. The secret to happiness is realizing that it is okay for the things that bring you happiness to change. So if you find yourself not enjoying something like you used to enjoy it, I challenge you to try something new. Read, paint, start a blog, plan a vacation, start a side hustle…invest in yourself and make time for happiness! Most of all, if you agree with me, pass the secret to happiness on to someone!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Insomnia Mama

Anyone else currently awake? It’s 3 am, and I’ve been up for almost an hour. Why? It started with a little heartburn. Once I was awake, I decided to go to the bathroom. Next thing you know I’m putting in a Walmart order because LilKsby is almost out of bubble bath (NOT ALLOWED). I tried to fall back asleep, but I had a few little thought nuggets that were too good not to share!

Why is “used” an option when buying bubble bath on Amazon? I’m sure it isn’t really used, but the image of someone rebottling some Mr Bubbles is funny to me. I have an image of them sitting on the edge of a bathtub with a strainer to catch the bubbles and a funnel to get them back in the bottle.
When I was doing squats earlier did I look like a legit workout goddess or someone who failed stripper school? One of my besties had a birthday get together at a burlesque studio one time. I was not graceful or coordinated, and it was not pretty!
Do foot cleanses really work? Will they make my feet less stinky? That alone would make me less stressed! Avoiding stinky feet is one of the reasons you’ll see me in sandals in November! Plus for some reason it tends to be hot in November still…#globalwarmingisreal
Which is better: hot yoga or sauna therapy? Is the answer doing yoga in a sauna? Yoga is all about concentration and inner calm. I think if sauna yoga was a thing, I’d be too concerned about whether or not the previous yogi practiced naked to be calm.
What all did I order from Walmart? I’m tired. Guess it will be a surprise after work tomorrow! I hope they have the bubble bath in stock!

I hope you found these as entertaining as I did! Now back to sleep (hopefully).

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Feel Good Friday

What if every Friday you did one good deed for someone else? It could be buying them their favorite drink; it could be writing them a quick thank you note; it could be sending them a message saying “you’re doing a great job”. Whatever you did for someone would not have to have a financial cost, but it has the potential to have a reward greater than money: happiness. The more happiness that someone has in their life, the more happiness they can put into the lives of others. Imagine a world where people experienced more happiness! I bet it would be a more peaceful world!

Today I challenge you to do something that makes someone else feel good. You might inspire them to do something good for someone else. There’s no telling how big the ripple effect could become!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

30 Days…

Today – September 1, 2021 – I showed this video in all of my junior English classes. The students then had to complete a quick write about what they could try for 30 days. As a teacher and business leader, I believe that I should be willing to do the things that I ask my students and team to do. That said, I’m setting a timer for seven minutes, and here is my quick write! Enjoy!

For 30 Days…

I could write every day and have a 50,000 word novel…wait I’ve done that several times! LOL Seriously though, NANOWRIMO is two months away so writers get ready!
I could take a meaningful picture that will always remind me of something good. This is one of my favorite ideas from the video.
I could blog for 30 days straight to grow my virtual presence.
I could record daily Webisodes for my business to help grow my area of influence.
I could do squats every day to help improve my health.
I could make a point of reading at least one positive thing every day.
I could make a point to give at least one sincere compliment every day.
I could take time to read for a minimum of five minutes every day and hopefully finish at least three books this month.
I could work smarter and not harder.
I could create more works of art.
I could drink at least 64 ounces of water each day.
I could visualize my goals coming true.
I could start learning a new language.
I could be sure to eat at least three servings of fruits and vegetables each day (I’m working towards five).
I could listen to an inspirational hotline/podcast.
I could walk at least one mile per day.
I could text a friend to check on them.
I could keep a smile on my face and be positive.
I could support local restaurants as opposed to chains (this would get costly).
I could save $1 a day so that I had $30 (or I could do a bigger amount) extra at the end of the month.
I could start streaming again.
I could get more sleep and not just on the weekends.
I could be more productive in the mornings so that I can relax at night.
I could sing and dance like no one is watching!

Wow! You can get a lot out in a 7 minute quick write! I’m impressed by all of the options that I could do for 30 days! Obviously doing all 24 things from my quick write in one 30 day period isn’t going to work. However, I think that I can focus on a couple. For my physical health, I can do squats every day. For my hobby, I can read at least five minutes every day. Like Matt Cutts talked about in the video, the little thing each day can become a big thing!

Here’s my challenge to you:

Watch the video
Take 7 minutes to brainstorm ideas
Commit to one or two things to do for 30 days
Let me know how it goes

You can do this!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Overcoming Obstacles

Earlier today, I made this post on my Facebook page:

At 2:30 today, the weeds were still so high that you couldn’t see the sunflower lights. I’d been putting off weeding it for WEEKS because my mind was full of thoughts like:

*I can’t do this without help.
*If I ask for help, it will seem like I can’t take care of myself.
*I can’t do this, I have a toddler. When would I have time?
*I need to use weed killer because my natural remedies haven’t worked. I can’t use weed killer!
*If I weed the garden and use weed killer, I’ll have to shower afterwards and wash the clothes. Who has time for that?

Today, by 3:20, I had weeded it, gone over it with weed killer, put the clothes in the washer, and showered. It isn’t perfect, but it is much improved! Guess what? I did it by myself during toddler nap time (hubby was in the house while I was outside)! It didn’t take near the time I’d built up in my mind, and it wasn’t as hard as it was in my mind! It’s amazing what the brain can convince us we can’t do when we are perfectly capable of doing it!

While in the garden, I felt like I was in one of my two elements where I feel the most relaxed. When I’m in my relaxing element, I get a lot of deep thinking done. Today’s thoughts? One, our brains telling us something is impossible keeps us from achieving greatness. Two, why is the hardest thing in the world to ask for help?

The first thought came from me realizing how easy weeding the garden was. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I had built it up in my head as an impossible task. As I realized how simple it was, I started thinking about all the other things I’ve told myself are impossible over the years like “you’ll never be able to earn the use of a career car” and “you’ll never be able to lose weight”. How many of these am I actually able to accomplish? What all has my brain been holding me back from achieving? My conclusion? Stop listening to the brain say “you can’t” or “you aren’t”, rip the weed out so to speak, and say job well done everyday progress is made towards a goal! I know that’s easier said than done, but I feel realizing I can do things the brain says I can’t it’s a step in the right direction!

As for my second thought, it’s a doozy! It is super hard for me to ask for help. I feel like society engrains in us that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Like if you have to ask for help, then you’re not good enough to do it on your own or have no business doing it in the first place. Both of these are absurd given at some point in life we all need help to get things done! Last week when my AC needed fixing, I couldn’t have done it without a repairman’s help. No where in my skill set is AC repair! That was easy. Dishes piling up that I don’t have time to do today? I can’t ask for help, I’m supposed to be Super Mom/a Wife! Maybe that right there is the answer! Maybe asking for help is only hard when we feel like something is expected of us! Ooo…that really might be it! Either way, I hope that LilKsby grows up being willing to ask for help! I also hope that he never feels people are judging him for asking for help!

So those are my deep thoughts for the day! What are your deep thoughts today?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

It’s Been A While

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged (April, I think), and it’s been a while since I’ve listened to the song of the same name! I had a goal of blogging more regularly, but that goal didn’t really work out. Why? I haven’t had writer’s block if that’s what you’re thinking. There have been plenty of things that I’ve wanted to write about on my blog. However, with the way things have been in the world, I feel like a lot of the things on my mind would have just led to arguments with readers. Confrontation and arguing are not on my list of favorite things to do, so I’ve kept my thoughts to myself.

That said…deep breath…here’s a little glimpse into what has been on my brain…

Thought 1 – The pandemic is still rearing it’s ugly head! After what seemed like some relief and a calm down in the spring, Delta is dominating the end of summer. If you had asked me in May, I would have told you that I really thought things would be close to “normal” by now. Sadly, I’m wrong and it seems like things are once again going to get worse before they start to stabilize and climb back to “normal”.

Thought 2 – Simone Biles is a hero! She is legit the Greatest Of All Time, and I’m so proud of her putting her mental health first and withdrawing from the Olympic competitions. Simone knew that she could physically hurt herself if she competed, and she made a point of preventing that from happening and prioritizing her mental well being. In the course of this decision, other Team USA members have earned medals that may not have done so. Simone has also brought light to an area that needs lots of awareness: mental health awareness! Did I mention that she deals daily with ADHD and the trauma of sexual abuse? Simone Biles is AMAZING!

Thought 3 – Masks…once I was fully vaccinated, I didn’t know how I would feel about wearing a mask in public still. I went in public a few times without one, and it turns out that I still like masking up. One of the reasons I still like it is because LilKsby isn’t eligible for a vaccine yet. Keeping him safe from the pandemic is still a top priority. Another reason I still like masking up is because I don’t want to inadvertently carry the virus to someone else. Also, breakthrough infections are becoming more and more prevalent. Plus, my mask is kind of a security blanket. It’s kept me safe for over a year, so it’s hard to just take off and leave behind. This is my feeling about masks, and I realize that everyone has their own opinions. All I ask is that you not bully me over my mask.

Thought 4 – Travel…I miss travel! We stayed in a cabin at a state park for a weekend back in May, and it was amazing! Since then we haven’t gone anywhere overnight. We did go the aquarium, IKEA, and Jungle Jim’s on a daytrip, but otherwise we’ve stayed in our little area. Part of my missing travel is to keep looking at future vacation options. I’ve got all kinds of travel plans in my head! I just need to hit the lottery and have the pandemic get under control so that I can feel safe to go!

Thought 5 – The best part about summer break is being home with my little family! I love all of the little things we get to do throughout the day. I love snuggles! I love art time! I love library time! I love sleeping later than usual! I love not having to eat fast because of 20 minute lunch breaks! Summer break is amazing!!! Back to school blues are for real because even though my school life is fun, my mama/wife/family life is always my number one! Another reason I need to win the lottery? Every day could be like summer break!

Wow! That’s a lot of thoughts! Getting them out in writing is very therapeutic and freeing for the mind. I hope that none of my words have offended anyone, and I hope that the posts will become more frequent! I’ve missed blogging!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Dream Dilemma: Gatsby’s American Dream

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, then you know that I have a tendency to use quotes from F Scott Fitzgerald and The Great Gatsby. I really like the book because of the glimpse it provides into the history of the 1920s (Fitzgerald did a great job of intermingling fact worth fiction) and the attitudes of society’s elite during this time. I equate it to a 1920s version of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. When that show first came on TV, I must admit that I was intrigued because I hadn’t heard of them (I remembered Johnny Cochran from the OJ Simpson trial not Robert Kardashian), and I wanted to know why the entertainment industry thought I should want to know about the lives of a rich family that seemed to be 50% train wreck and 50% fashion entrepreneurs. For the record, after so many years of them being in the media, I don’t understand why they still draw so much attention. However, it seems to work for them, so I don’t judge (like Nick Carraway).

In addition to the insight into 1920s, I also love the hope that Gatsby embodies. I find it quite admirable (even though his intentions were EXTREMELY questionable) that he never gives up hope even when so many others would’ve thrown in the towel. (Leonardo DiCaprio’s portrayal of Gatsby may have something to do with the obsession as well.) However, a quote from the character of Lucy in the Netflix movie Moxie brings up a great question: “I think the real question is, why are we still reading this book? It’s written by some rich white guy about some rich white guy.” As an avid reader and high school English teacher, I think Lucy raises a great question. Why are we still teaching something that seems so archaic in content? As I was teaching Gatsby today (chapter 7 for those who like exact context), I realized that the reason we teach Gatsby still is to illustrate the dilemma with the American Dream and how it has remained broken all these years.

From the onset Gatsby’s dream is broken. His dream – which is based on lies that he fabricated about his persona – revolves around the desire to shatter a marriage (Tom and Daisy) and take the piece he wants for himself (Daisy) with no regard for how it will impact those involved (cough…the daughter…cough…her name is Pammy since people tend to forget it). Gatsby’s dream is so deeply rooted in the past that at times Gatsby seems unable to comprehend that five years have gone by since his month of love with Daisy. He legitimately does not seem to understand why Daisy can’t just say she never loved Tom because he cannot fathom that she’s had an enjoyable life without him.

Beyond this inability to comprehend the five years since they were together, Gatsby’s dream of Daisy is corrupted by money. Knowing how much Daisy loves money (her voice is full of it after all), Gatsby equates having boat loads of money with happiness. I get that for many people having money is part of the American Dream, but there is also a big difference in having enough money to live without worry and having so much money that opulence seems to be a requirement and not optional. This money being equivalent to happiness adds more to Gatsby’s dilemma as it blurs the line between his love for Daisy and her materialism. Love might be part of the American Dream, but is materialism really a dream or a burden?

Having deep roots in the past and equating money with love aren’t the only broken aspects of the American Dream in Gatsby. The character of Tom Buchanan represents some of the most broken aspects of the American Dream. On the surface, he seems to have it all: a wife, a child, a mansion, millions of dollars, and athleticism. However, while he seems to be living the American Dream on the surface, Tom is actually a racist, sexist, classist, womanizer who is abusive to his wife and his girlfriend. Nothing about these personality traits are what I would consider to be aspects of the American Dream!!!!

So why do we still teach The Great Gatsby? My theory (besides having a reason to show a DiCapio film) is to provide the youth of today with a cautionary tale. I feel like teaching this novel helps to show that things associated with “the dream life” are morally questionable and can create more dilemmas than dreams. I also believe that the novel serves as a great reminder that societal problems we have today have actually been plaguing our country for a long time (Gatsby did come out almost 100 years ago). It provides a great reminder that until people change, then dreams will continue to be broken. My hope, when I teach Gatsby, is that kids will see it as a model of what not to do and encourage them to go about their dreams the right way. Much like Gatsby, I do believe in the green light only my green light is a lot more moral! In fact, I believe in hope so much (and have such a big desire to write my own great American novel) that I chose to be The Great Kaysby! My personal response to the novel is to never give up hope and never stop dreaming!

What do you think of dreams and Gatsby?

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Random Sunday Thoughts

As another Spring Break comes to a close, there are a multitude of thoughts swirling through my head. Like so many times when this happens, I feel like the best thing to do is attempt to sort them out in writing. Why do it in a blog? Because I’m sure if I’m thinking these things, there is someone else out there who can relate.

Thought 1 – On any given day, you can be both the “picture perfect” mama and “a chicken with her hair on fire” mama. Yesterday, I was the mama who takes the family to the Farmer’s Market in order to shop local and organic. That’s helping other families financially while helping the health of my family! We also did our grocery pickups because we meal plan like champs (even though often the plan gets tweaked midweek when a frozen pizza us substituted into the lineup). Then, we napped for three hours, woke up just in time for bath time, and the realization that we never had dinner. That’s when you go to Dominos in your pajamas with a messy bun and allow your toddler to eat greasy pizza way too late at night while staying up way past their bedtime! This was a great contrast to the “picture perfect” me who had taken the toddler to the library twice earlier in the week, taught him about gardening and growing our own vegetables, and the importance of family outings on nature trails and to the zoo! Spoiler alert, with all that teaching of good things, I may have relied on McDonalds and Burger King a little too much this week! Why both? Because one has $1 drinks and good fries, and the other has Whoppers.

Thought 2 – Flexibility is a way of life. I had these great ambitions of a “self spa” day where I was going to color my hair, do a charcoal mask, and paint my nails. All of these are great thoughts, but when you take a three hour nap while snuggling a toddler who then goes to bed two hours late, the thoughts stay thoughts. For a minute, I was kind of upset about it, then I realized that at least I got a shower and to pluck my eyebrows (they were pretty unsightly…not to mention a dead giveaway that I color my hair when they are thicker). Sometimes it’s the little things that make you smile!

Thought 3 – Does it ever become easier to go back rib work after breaks? Don’t get me wrong. I like my job, but I LOVE being a wife and mom. After a whole week of just getting to be a wife and mom, it is really hard to go back to both. As much as you try, it is really hard to be fully there for both. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has thoughts such as “Did I take the chicken out for dinner?” and “Did I switch the baby’s laundry out?” while at work. Likewise, at home during wife/mom time sometimes I can’t help but think about things that happened at work that day especially if something didn’t get finished that I wanted to complete. Once I get back into the swing of both, it’s always fine. There’s just always that dread the day before returning since it requires sacrificing time with those you love most.

Thought 4 – Why are people so quick to change their tunes based on popular opinions even when they are founded in misconceptions? Just a year ago, the general public was celebrating teachers for their flexibility and quick ability to adapt to non-traditional methods of providing instruction. People were actually talking about how teachers deserved higher pay! Now, some of the same public acts like teachers are horrible, selfish human beings because they put their own families needs first and/or have been anxiety ridden by all the pandemic protocols. FYI…this school year has required more work than any other year in order to meet the needs of all students.

My random thoughts might not make a lot of sense; however, they are a little more sorted out! Just like I knew they would be. 😊 I hope that whatever random thoughts you’re having tonight, you can sort them out too.

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Advocate & Make a Change!

Parental leave map — Photo from Dominic Hernandez’s FAST FACTS: MATERNITY LEAVE POLICIES ACROSS THE GLOBE

They say you should advocate for what you’re passionate about and attempt to make a change. Since having LilKsby in 2019, I’ve wanted to advocate for better paternity leave in our country. This week, I got a wild hair, and decided to contact my state legislators asking them to do something about improving parental leave. The next day a co-worker sent me a Tweet saying the Louisville Metro Council approved paid parental leave for city employees for twelve weeks following the birth or adoption of a child. Their approval was unanimous! City of Louisville employees are very lucky that the Louisville Metro Council has their back on parental leave. Many people in the United States aren’t so lucky.

Until having LilKsby, I didn’t know much about parental leave. All I knew of it had come from working in the Personnel Department before taking the job I have now. Based on that experience, I assumed that it was the norm to give new mothers six weeks of leave (eight weeks for a C-section) and require the mothers to use either a combination of sick and personal days if they wanted to get paid (and were lucky to have 30-40 to cover the time) or take leave without pay. I had never had reason to look into the policy of other places, so foolishly I made a presumption that this was just how it was everywhere. SHAME ON ME! One should never make presumptions!

My first taste of better parental leave came from Mr Kisby’s job at the time. He was provided with quite the combination of fully and partially paid leave, and he did not have to use any of his vacation time! I was shocked when he told me how good of parental leave his employer provided. His was so good that when you added his time and my time together, LilKsby didn’t have to go to a babysitter until he was three and a half months old!

Since our experience with parental leave, I’ve found myself frequently thinking about the parental leave provided around the world. Did you know that “the United States is the only high-income country, as classified by the World Bank, that does not have paid maternity leave” (Hernandez)? Yes, the United States has employers who provide paid parental leave; however, there is no federally mandated parental leave for births or adoptions. FMLA does cover 12 weeks of unpaid leave for new parents, but the only thing that helps with is securing a position to return to after the time is up. Anyone who has ever had a baby or adopted a child knows that there are A LOT of expenses incurred during parental leave. Unless you’ve been saving for a long time or are willing to rack up debt, going unpaid for 12 weeks is not a viable option for many people.

Here’s another fun thing I learned while on maternity leave with LilKsby that I never knew. Did you know that the recommendations of pediatricians is that babies should not be going out in public until after they’ve had their first vaccinations at 8 weeks old? I didn’t know that! I found it very interesting that pediatricians make this recommendation, yet employers force parents to put their children in daycare at 6 weeks old (or younger) by not paying the new parents beyond that point. Something doesn’t add up with that math!

I can also speak from my own experience that six weeks (or eight weeks in my C-section having case) is not enough for a lot of babies to start breastfeeding consistently and correctly. Our journey was 10 1/2 weeks to achieve accurate breastfeeding. If I hadn’t have been able to fenagle 11 weeks of leave because of summer break and skipping workshops, then we never would’ve achieved the breastfeeding success that I knew would provide the best health for my baby.

I fully realize that not everyone in the world will ever need parental leave. However, I guarantee you that everyone will have a friend or family member that needs to use parental leave at some point. That said, I think it is time that we (everyone who comes across this and all of their family and friends) advocate for better parental leave in this country. America loves to say they are the best at everything, so it is time to make that a reality when it comes to parental leave. I encourage all of my readers to do some research, write to their legislators, and take action to help encourage improvement in the area of parental leave!

I’ll put my soapbox away now. I love you and good night!

XOXO,

The Great Kaysby

Hernandez, D., 2018. Fast Facts: Maternity leave policies across the globe – Vital Record. [online] Vital Record. Available at: <https://vitalrecord.tamhsc.edu/fast-facts-maternity-leave-policies-across-globe/> [Accessed 28 March 2021].